what can I believe (its opposite)

**cyberkatru** · 01-15-2010 03:00 PM

First let me apologize. I am male and maybe I don't belong here. But I just have to ask this.

My wife says she cannot reach orgasm by clitoral stimulation
but rather only by penetration. She lets me go down but will soon insist that I get to the penetration.

It bothers me because I have heard that it is supposed to be the opposite. I
I have been married to her 10 years but I just started to wonder about this and now it bugs me.
She insists that her (vaginal) orgasms are real and it makes her angry if I wonder outloud about this. They do seem real and I am not unexperienced (second marriage and plenty of girl friends)

She doesn't always reach orgasm but does almost everytime. The fact that she tells me when it doesn't happen seems to be a clue that she isn't faking it when it does.
Her facial expression during orgasm is also unlike any other expression she makes and its really hard to believe that this expression is fake. (By comparison, the face some people make when they are embarrassed also seems hard to fake).

Further clues;
Also, she once had an orgasm while sleeping on the couch in a relaxed open legged position and was surprised that "it fluttered". It seems that without the penetration she could more easily notice the contractions of the orgasm.. But if this is true, then she really *does* know what an orgasm is.

I feel like an a(edit) hole for doubting and mostly I don't doubt her. But it is so contrary to what I keep hearing (is it just dogma?)

So is it possible that someone could only achieve orgasm by penetration as she says or not?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-15-2010 03:06 PM

Welcome to the Forum..

Your not out of place here, we have several male members as well...

If you read up on various threads in the sex section, you will note that, our bodies are not all the same, I know they look the same, bar color, size etc, but they are not where intimacy is concerned.

Some can only feel it through clitoral stimulation, some only through penetration and some through all and every touch....

It seems to be more of a "like" as well as letting ourselves go with no inhibitions instead of fearing letting ourselves go.

CW

**cyberkatru** · 01-15-2010 03:18 PM

I wonder why so many of the experts (sexolgists) seem to doubt a women could be like my wife. They all but imply that vaginal orgasms even exist or if they do then the litoral ones are still dominant.
Are they just so axious to prove that Freud was wrong?

Is anyone else like my wife or know of anyone like her?

Should I stop worrying and just do it like she likes it?

**TheOldMan** · 01-15-2010 04:13 PM

I'd say "just do it like she likes it". After all, isn't that a big part of sexual intimacy? If she can only orgasm while wearing socks, then who cares, let her wear socks.

**Airmans Sweetie** · 01-15-2010 04:28 PM

i myself, do enjoy my hubby going down on me, but as much as i do enjoy it....it probably & so far hasn't giving me an orgasm. to some degree if my hubby spends to much time down there, i begin to feel physically irritated. & most of the time wen he does go down on me i get so swept up in it, that i want him to penetrate me right then. every women is different, go with the flow.

**Airmans Sweetie** · 01-15-2010 04:31 PM

also women can b sensitive to questioning like this. if my hubby questioned me out loud about our sex & pondered my orgasms, i to would b a bit upset. i would feel like i haven't made him happy some how & feel like i have done something wrong. sex isn't just an action for most women, it is intimacy & it means very much to us.

**Little** · 01-15-2010 04:58 PM

Orgasms via penetration are what life is worth living for.
Clitoral orgasms are nice and everything. They're just not "it."
Maybe your wife can have clitoral orgasms, but she's so turned on by you that she doesn't give it time? I don't find her odd at all.
Magazines and science spend a lot of time trying to convince women who don't have vaginal orgasms that they're normal (which they are) but to the point where they are making those who DO have them feel like nymphos. It's classic hype.

**WildChild** · 01-15-2010 05:59 PM

What ever works, don't try to confine or limit her to someone else's ideas of sexuality. For myself, sex with a caring partner is always best.

**cyberkatru** · 01-15-2010 06:37 PM

thanks for replies so far.

Part of what makes me worry is that there is a libido gap. She wants it about once a week and I want it everyday. She explains that it is her job. She runs a day care at home and watches 10 kids by herself. She gets up at 5:30 am and the last kid leaves at 6:30 pm.

It does look exhausting and I know that I couldn't stand it for even an hour.

I want to think positive. I have read lots about relationships and sex but she seems to be atypical in so many way (for example, she doesn't like to talk anything out and hates formal therapy)
When I read that "women this and women that" I notice she doesn't fit usually. It's like books are useless. The fact that she doesn't respond to oral is just another example.

A little info: we are both 53 yrs old (but she is still not in menopause.)

**cyberkatru** · 03-07-2010 09:50 AM

This no clitoral orgasm thing is still bugging me. Does anyone else have any comments? (see the opening post).
I have still been trying to get her to enjoy oral but she seems even less repsonsive and more anxious for penetration. I can't help but think she is missing something but the suggestion makes her mad.

Thanks