Thread: I am rubbish at having sex with my fiance and its really getting me down.

no, no, no! hes not cheating on me at all. though i believe that these other lasses are better than i am.
I just dont understand the movement of it all.
Say the cow girl position for instances the moving forward and moving backward and hopping on top of him just doesnt seem to work?

Any advise? like what am i doing wrong and what should i feel to understand this all better.

I am not the most confident girl on the block, I'll say that up front. I have a laundry list of insecurities ... but when I get in the bedroom, I unleash a vixen.

I am the hottest thing in the world in those moments (hey I'm on the only girl in the room, let me have my fun). I showcase and pose my body in ways that make me feel sexy, I say whatever dirty thing crosses my mind, I touch my body like I want him to touch it and am not ashamed to show him how good it feels.

To be exciting in bed its not so much about which position you choose, or what color panties you pick... but about how sexy you feel, how turned on YOU are... that will make you a better lover.

I feel like I knock my boyfriends socks off when we do it and I never swing from the chandeliers... i just own the moment.

To me there is nothing hotter about sex than seeing how aroused your partner is... so if you want him aroused and into it -- you gotta let yourself get aroused and into it.

Passion is contagious. Thats what is erotic about watching other people have sex, seeing their excitement, seeing how good they feel, the pleasure they are experiencing...it makes you want to experience that for yourself.

If you want him enthusiastic and into it, be enthusiastic and into it, authentically so... and see if that doesn't wake him up

Don't worry about his 'pretty' exes. If he's made you his fiance he has found you to be a total package of everything he thinks he wants for himself for the rest of his life, and that would include sexually. Unleash your vixen, when you guys are having sex...

No matter what you think of your nipples, when you are having sex with him, they are the most awesome nipples in the world...the body that is in his bed, grinding against him, is the sexiest, feel it and be it.

Ashy,
This guy has been going out w/ you for 1 1/2 years. There are things that are really great about you or he wouldn't have bothered. You think his ex's are better looking than you. Maybe they are, who cares? What really matters it that you have special qualities they don't. If this wasn't true, he never would have gone out w/ you in the first place. Right?

Work up your good qualities, overlook those things that are imperfect. We all wish we were taller, thinner, had a bigger pecker (maybe not in your case) and perfect curves, etc. All these negative thoughts make us insecure, but we have to make do w/ what we have. HDork says do those things that make you feel special and this will radiate outwards as confidence in yourself. She is 100% right: A confident woman is extremely sexy. If you feel sexy, you will be sexy.

There are many special things about you. I don't know you so I don't know what they are, but you do. However, I think maybe you sometimes forget.

And it really bothers me your guy isn't picking up on your insecurities and is being a major downer. I don't know if this can be fixed. It really doesn't take a lot of energy to say I love you just the way you are and to give you encouragement.

Originally Posted by skipper

And it really bothers me your guy isn't picking up on your insecurities and is being a major downer. I don't know if this can be fixed. It really doesn't take a lot of energy to say I love you just the way you are and to give you encouragement.

That bothers me about the situation too, or in situations like this in general. The effort required to make your partner feel like the most special girl in the world is SO minimal. The littlest compliment can go such a long away, the smallest gesture. It makes me wonder when a guy refuses to do these things if they are not secretly enoying their s.o's insecurities or are just too selfish to care.

I'm not saying the guy has to gas his girl up all the time... but how much energy does it really expend to tell her you think she's hot, beautiful, sexy etc occasionally. Its those little out of the bedroom gestures that make a woman feel good about herself when she crawls up next to you.

First of all I think that you should talk to your boyfriend about this.
He knows what is going to feel the best to him. Maybe you could just ask him. "what would make it better for you" see what happens.

If you are too embarrassed to talk to him about then try a few things first to make you feel better about yourself. My opinion is that if he as been with you for as long as he has then obviously he enjoys you. Maybe its just your lack of self esteem that is changing the mood. Try to find yourself some sexy lingerie. This might make you feel a little better about your body and I would bet that it drives your man wild!! Nobody says you have to be naked when you have sex!

Maybe once you have a little confidence boost your be able to let loose a bit.
That could be the only problem because im guessing it is more because you are feeling tense and uneasy. your also probably thinking about it too much. Relax and just feel it.

And as for your man not getting into it. Don't you think that it probably has something to do with the fact that you aren't into it either. Even if you were pretending to be into it usually your partner can sense that your not. Low self esteem during sex is a BIG turn off!!

Never think about the ex girlfriends. They are not in his life anymore and you are. What does that mean>? Seems to me that your man upgraded. I dont know many people who have downgraded from woman to woman. Sometimes it is the whole picture that is better then just the body or the face. That should make you feel sexy in itself. YOUR the better pick!.. HE WANTS YOU!!... LET LOOSE GIRL!..
Sometimes you just gotta get animalistic and go for it!

GOOD LUCK! :P

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Any man that turns down sex from a woman he is in a relationship with is likely getting his jollies elsewhere. What is it with the "can't be bothered" on this board? Do men really say this? I'm sorry, but being a hot blooded male, I never refuse sex. EVER. Even if I'm busy, preoccupied, doing ANYTHING at all, if my girl comes over to seduce me I'll drop what I'm doing. Even when I'm terribly sick! This man you have does not have his head in the game. He is either thinking about someone else, or just truly not interested in you. Either way, it sounds like you'd be best served by moving on.

omg. guys! thank yous SOOO much for your replys! I am literally overwhelmed by the help and support! This is really nice!

but yeah the whole letting it go! and turning into a 'vixen'. is what im confident at! (at times anyways) not if im having to sex him up because he just doesnt seem to get it? and then another thing which really bothers me is that when i talk to him a little dirty and start nibbling his ear or kissing his face and just being in the mood really... he just starts laughing and its like what? i ask him why and he just says its just not you. and 'cant take me seriously' and its like what! he makes it sound like im going WAY overboard when im hardly doing anything. and its like what. because im one of these lasses that looks younger than she is, pretty much make people laugh at her not with her and yeh i just dunno it makes me sad. I dont want to give him head all the time as the only sexual favor i do because my neck hurts after awhile and i just get bored when hes taking forever to come and if i give him too much pleasure he just tells me he cant take it which is fair enough but its just a long process most of the time. and yeah

ive asked him oh what position would be better for you and his reply is oh i dunno! and its like you should know! and omg Frustrating.

It sounds like our relationship is the way i keep complaining about things. but its actually really good. Its just i cant get these straight answers out of him and its annoying and then i blame myself for not understanding and such.

He said he loves me the way i am, we all have things we're good and and things we're not and he says he loves me for who i am and hes happy about being the one that does the work because hes the guy. But its like yeah but im not happy about it. I want to be better for you cos right now i dont feel good for you and im thinking why are you with me you could easily get someone better and grr! its just frustrating.

and aspecially nowadays being at uni i live 8 hours away from him. And im the type of person that can ring him up everyday talk about nearly anything and everything, tell him that i love him all the time. But i will get a call or a text every 2 days. and its just like why can you make abit more effort?

Like the last few nights ive been staying up till 3 in the morning feeling shitty that i didnt get a text or a message online even though he was online on facebook and its just little things like that, that really bother me, because im always reaching out to him, but with him he doesnt seem to feel the need to reach out to me everyday because hes had a hard work day and he'll be back home playing on his xbox and such. and its just ergh.

The comments about 'oh he must be cheating on you' and such arnt true. hes not like that hes very loyal and we consider each other as our best friend aswell as our partner and lover. but its just me trying to reach out to him and im not getting the love im seeking out for at that time. So i just feel abit . i feel like im annoying him. when again im not over the top. and its just like ergh.. *sigh*.

I guess all you guys can say is just talk to him but ive done that and its just nothing. I'll have to give him a ring tomorrow and tell him how im feeling see if hes abit more willing to talk. Maybe the times im asking him things he just cant. Like unlike me he wont open up and talk about his feelings as strongly as i will. He'll just keep it in.

Sorry to ramble on! But yeah honestly you guys are amazing with your comments they are soo helpful! Im really happy Its cheering me up and helping me to feel better and understand things more! Which is something im desperately needing right now.

All my love
Ash x