Finally found out wife's major issue
Well, it's taken a long time to knock these walls down but I have found out that my wife get embarassed when she is experiencing pleasure.
Now, there have been a few occasions when we've brought a toy to bed but when that doesn't work (because she can't close out her mind and concentrate) she simply gets pissed off.
I'd love to just feel her orgasm like I did with women in the past.
Sometimes just knowing what you are dealing with helps a lot. She has to learn how to get herself into a mental place where pleasure is the focus. My own experience is that I generally do this without necessarily planning to. It's why all that "dirty talk" and chatter they may do in the movies during sex can actually keep me from orgasming - I'm focused there instead of in pleasure. She may have similar issues. When you consider all the carp in the media of how women are "supposed" to respond sexually, it's no wonder so many women have problems. They are too busy trying to follow this made up formual instead of just feeling it. Get the book, One Hour Orgasm. Read up on pleasuring a woman, this not intercourse but gives some wonderful means of helping her get to a place mentally that is completely pleasure focused.
Good Luck, at least you are finding things out.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
WC, I found out that she does use her vibrator on her own and watches porn while she does it. To date, porn is what gets her going better than anything else (and I do mean anything).
Now, if I could just somehow be in the room when she masturbates, that will be a start.
The last time we had sex, she wanted me to put cologne on. I guess she is finally letting a little of her guard down.
Again, I think it is less about what I am doing and more about her letting go. I hope that book talks about it.
That particular book gives detailed info for women and men on pleasuring your partner using your hands. There is a lot about creating mood and atmosphere. Actually you might enjoy Sensory Awakening. I made a couple posts about this, I was demonstrated at the Sex Fair. It can be sexual or not but is very sensual. It helps to increase awareness and response to the senses; touch, taste, scent, sound, texture, temperature. Our senses are part of our survival mechanism but they are also a big part of our arousal. Margo Anand's, Art of Sexual Ecstasy, gives a detailed description for doing this.
Another you might both find useful (the photography is lovely and sensual) is, The Orgasm Loop. Written by a female sex therapist to help women become orgasmic. When I read it I realized she was describing pretty much what I've done for years. It works for me!
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
It's great that you finally figured that out. I'm sure it was a long and painful process. I know, I've been through it myself.
It's all about communication, communication, communication. If one partner refuses to communicate it's hopeless.
I wish you and your wife the best of luck to become a sexual couple (again?)!
Ive only discovered the major underlying symptom... I have yet to discover how to deal with it.
Yes, but you have the first step figured out. That's always the hardest in a situation like this.Originally Posted by Swiftus
Just try to keep everything positive with her. And be patient.
My first was also embarrassed, or guilted, when feeling pleasure. It was very difficult to fully enjoy sex when she's not letting herself enjoy the sensations. A sex therapist may be a good idea for her.
Be sure you're not contributing to the problem: my dw has a tendency to laugh out loud when she knows I'm having the Big 'O', which, as self-confident as I amI still find a little distracting...
I know (or rather, I *think* I know...) that she's laughing joyfully, but it'd be easy to think she was laughing AT me...
Some people really do laugh after they orgasm. Maybe, she orgasms more intensely once you have yours and she goes to her laughing orgasm mode.B... my dw has a tendency to laugh out loud when she knows I'm having the Big 'O', which, as self-confident as I am
I know (or rather, I *think* I know...) that she's laughing joyfully, but it'd be easy to think she was laughing AT me...
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy
The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen
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