Thread: Casual Sex

I've talked to my friends about it (men and women) and the views are very diverse on casual sex. Ranging from, it doesnt work and its a bad idea to it's great and more people should engage in it.
Personally I find casual sex to be wonderful. Specifically casual sex with friends. Some people say that it ruins friendships and it cant be done. But in my experiece it doesnt ruin a friendship unless one person is looking for something more in the relationship than the other person is. As long as you both understand the circumstances then it can work out. I find that its just a way of fulfiling each others needs and it makes your relationship that much more intimate and closer.
Whats your opinion or experiences with casual sex? Do you think its wrong? Is it okay?

I would never have had casual sex with a friend. Just too many complication possibilities down the road. When I was single I did engage in casual sex, but it was either a one time thing or with someone I was acquainted with and attracted to but did not hang out with on a regular basis. There was always an understanding that it was just sex. It does have it's place but you need to have a certain mind set going in. I only have 1 or 2 regrets... but hey that's life... Most of my experiences were just what I was looking for at the time.

Originally Posted by PJhavinfunagain

I would never have had casual sex with a friend. Just too many complication possibilities down the road. When I was single I did engage in casual sex, but it was either a one time thing or with someone I was acquainted with and attracted to but did not hang out with on a regular basis. There was always an understanding that it was just sex. It does have it's place but you need to have a certain mind set going in. I only have 1 or 2 regrets... but hey that's life... Most of my experiences were just what I was looking for at the time.

I agree, its really like you said, something you are looking for at the time.
I think the mistake that people make if it is with a friend is that it sometimes puts a pressure to have sex everytime you meet with that person, which really isnt necessary.
There will always be some sort of regret on something down the road. I had sex with a friend of mine and at the time I was just looking for comfort more than anything because I was going through a terrible time. Later on I realized it was a mistake because he wanted something more and I just felt it was a one time thing. But from that I've learned to to make terms clear from the beginning.

Personally i'm not an advocate, as I feel sex should mean a bit more than just personal fulfillment, and the casual sex mentality somewhat aids in cheapening it in my opinion. Though sex means many things to many people, and there are several people out there that seem to enjoy it and if thats their cup of tea then so be it, to each their own

A good friend on mine is into casual sex, but her prefers the "one time thing" as he doesn't want any attachement. I understand his gripe though, as I would imagine having your friends in that role with you could put some interesting emotional strain on the friendship after awhile.

Sex without emotional connection just doesn't do it for me. If I am not into the person I am fooling around with... I don't let go, don't enjoy and it all seems routine, almost acted out rather than felt.

A friend with benefits situation would never work for me because If I wasn't feeling a more than friends vibe... I wouldnt be interested in having sex... and if I was feeling that and knew he WASN'T... it would turn me off as well.

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Sex without emotional connection just doesn't do it for me. If I am not into the person I am fooling around with... I don't let go, don't enjoy and it all seems routine, almost acted out rather than felt.

A friend with benefits situation would never work for me because If I wasn't feeling a more than friends vibe... I wouldnt be interested in having sex... and if I was feeling that and knew he WASN'T... it would turn me off as well.

I completely agree with this. I've gone through a very short stage in my life where I tried casual sex with a few different people (at different times...haha), but for me it was very unfulfilling. If I knew it was just for S & G's and nothing was going to come of it, it felt like a huge waste of time. To each their own though, I know plenty of people who it works great for. Just not my thing.

Emotional connection is key for me, as HD said. I thought I'd had good sex until I met my boyfriend. I had NO idea!

Originally Posted by newhere808

Personally i'm not an advocate, as I feel sex should mean a bit more than just personal fulfillment, and the casual sex mentality somewhat aids in cheapening it in my opinion. Though sex means many things to many people, and there are several people out there that seem to enjoy it and if thats their cup of tea then so be it, to each their own

A good friend on mine is into casual sex, but her prefers the "one time thing" as he doesn't want any attachement. I understand his gripe though, as I would imagine having your friends in that role with you could put some interesting emotional strain on the friendship after awhile.

I'm Glad to hear that although you're not an advocate for it you don't condemn those who do engage in it. I dislike it when people just try to shove down your throat that its wrong and the whole "how can you?" hoopla.
But I agree that in some cases it can strain the emotional boundaries of the friendship.

Originally Posted by GlitterAndStuds

I completely agree with this. I've gone through a very short stage in my life where I tried casual sex with a few different people (at different times...haha), but for me it was very unfulfilling. If I knew it was just for S & G's and nothing was going to come of it, it felt like a huge waste of time. To each their own though, I know plenty of people who it works great for. Just not my thing.

Emotional connection is key for me, as HD said. I thought I'd had good sex until I met my boyfriend. I had NO idea!

I agree that it depends for each individual. I think i enjoy it because the person i currently have casual sex with and I are sexually and emotionally attracted to each other. We tried dating before but we both wanted different things in life and we figured it wasnt fair to let the relationship continue on when we both know in the end it wont work out. If we're with other people the that part of our friendship is cut off but if we're single then its completely open.
But, yes if you dont have an emotional connection, sexual attraction or a want to satisfy each other then it just doesnt feel great.
And lol, i've felt the same way before. I thought I was having great sex, until I met my ex-boyfriend and then I was like "wow!" haha

I've had my fair share of casual sex and I wouldn't really recommend it, nor would I discourage anyone from doing it.

You need to have the right mindset, as does the other person involved. In my mind, things were always cut and dry. I never assumed things were going to lead to something more, we didn't spend quality time watching movies or giving each other advice or calling each other petnames and I never made an effort to introduce him to my friends or family. I'm assuming we're talking about actual casual sex and not a friend with benefits situation, where all of these little "extras" may occur.

I would never say casual sex is wrong, as long as both partners accept the situation for what it is and are, of course, safe about it. In my experience, I do think men are much more able to draw that line between what is sexual and what is emotional and, for women, things tend to get a little blurry. Not trying to generalize, as there are, I'm sure, plenty of guys and gals who differ from this. I've seen a lot of close female friends attempt it, saying they didn't want anything out of it or didn't feel anything for the other person, only to later admit otherwise.

When I was younger, all I had was casual sex. I was never in a committed relationship, never felt emotionally connected to anyone I was having sex with... and the sex was NEVER good for me. I didn't feel it. I was sexual, masturbated frequently... but wasn't able to feel anything but emptiness when having sex on casual dates etc.

When I met my boyfriend, I was so attracted to him, so into him that my body just opened up and I felt/ feel... everything at a level I've never experienced before. Sex is new to me, sex as it is now that is.

I hope I am never without him but I know that if I was, I couldn't bring myself, personally, back to that emptiness I felt when I was having emotionally detached sex.

Those that are able to do so and feel good doing it, more power to you. I am not saying everyone feels as I do. Just saying how it feels to me