premature ejaculation?

**laswell89** · 02-03-2010 09:23 PM

Ok so, my boyfriend has been having this problem a lot lately. He cums within about a minute of entering me. When we first started having sex last year this never happened but happens almost every time now. I don't know what I can do to help him prolong it, so I was wondering if anyone has any thoughts or has done anything that has worked? We've tried screwing around til he cums and then having sex after that but he still can't last very long. Should we skip a lot of foreplay and just go right into it or will that make it worse? He's very frustrated and embarrassed about it even though I tell him it's not a big deal to me. It isn't really, but we both would obviously still like sex to last longer so we can have more fun with it.

Thanks

**ItsASecret** · 02-03-2010 10:02 PM

I am dealing with the same thing, but on a good day it is literally 1 minute at most and he is done...3-5 minutes tops with oral. He feels so defeated and hurt after, then jumps to the conclusion that he is "bad at sex" and "does not like having sex". I try to reassure him that it is not an issue with me but he does not believe it which of course I can understand why he would not want to believe me. We have tried a few things, none work for us but we keep trying so maybe you can give it a shot as well.

Most people would agree with a stop and go method, bring him to that point when he knows if he did one more push he would cum...but stop completely even if he is inside you (of course pull out if you do not want him to finish in you), and tell him to just breath and relax. He needs to try and completely divert his attention elsewhere just long enough to make those "I am going to cum" thoughts/feelings disappear. My boyfriend said he would have to think about a calculus concept in his mind for a second to get him to forget that he was so sexually aroused.

Another thing he can do is kegels. It is just him contracting the PC muscles, which are what we use to stop urination. Supposedly if he does this on a constant basis a few times a day it is supposed to help with the control issue of ejaculation. My boyfriend tried it for a month, so he says, and it did nothing but other people swear by it.

**SixOaday** · 02-04-2010 02:17 PM

Hate to tell you but most surveys show 2 to 3 minutes of actually penetration is pretty much average. There are men who do a heck of a lot better, but you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find them. The sad thing is most men do not even realize how selfish they are being. It is a learned skill and if they can't master it they shouldn't even think of knocking at the door unless they have given us two or three good Os by other means.

**sourpuss** · 02-04-2010 02:23 PM

Have you tried using condoms so he's a bit desensitized? That may help. Other than that, he's just got to use a lot of concentration and focus more on making you feel good than focusing on how he feels.

**LedZeppelin** · 02-04-2010 03:57 PM

It is proven that thinking about ejaculating makes it happen faster. So first of all tell him not to think about it at all. Second thing that he should do is control his breathing rate and follow proper breathing techniques ( in through the nose out through the mouth ). If these two things dont help at all and he is unable to control himself using the stop and go method. Then tell him to masturbate for about an hour each day using the stop and start method by himself with only the female orgasm in mind. A mans prostate has a memory which is quite peculiar. So if he masturbates fast he ll ejaculate fast in sex as well. Masturbating longer will allow him to gain self control and increase the duration of the prostate memory. If none of these work switch positions often. Good Luck

**laswell89** · 02-04-2010 06:10 PM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

Have you tried using condoms so he's a bit desensitized? That may help. Other than that, he's just got to use a lot of concentration and focus more on making you feel good than focusing on how he feels.

We started off using them then I got on birth control. I don't think he wants to go back to using them again cause it feels so much better without one, but you have a point, he did last longer with one on.

**laswell89** · 02-04-2010 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by LedZeppelin

It is proven that thinking about ejaculating makes it happen faster. So first of all tell him not to think about it at all. Second thing that he should do is control his breathing rate and follow proper breathing techniques ( in through the nose out through the mouth ). If these two things dont help at all and he is unable to control himself using the stop and go method. Then tell him to masturbate for about an hour each day using the stop and start method by himself with only the female orgasm in mind. A mans prostate has a memory which is quite peculiar. So if he masturbates fast he ll ejaculate fast in sex as well. Masturbating longer will allow him to gain self control and increase the duration of the prostate memory. If none of these work switch positions often. Good Luck

Lots of ideas and thoughts! Thank you

**WildChild** · 02-04-2010 06:42 PM

Originally Posted by SixOaday

Hate to tell you but most surveys show 2 to 3 minutes of actually penetration is pretty much average. There are men who do a heck of a lot better, but you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find them. The sad thing is most men do not even realize how selfish they are being. It is a learned skill and if they can't master it they shouldn't even think of knocking at the door unless they have given us two or three good Os by other means.

I don't know who they are surveying but I haven't encountered many who are that quick.

**LilahX** · 02-04-2010 08:13 PM

Originally Posted by SixOaday

Hate to tell you but most surveys show 2 to 3 minutes of actually penetration is pretty much average. There are men who do a heck of a lot better, but you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find them. .

I don't know who they're surveying but I must disagree.

My ex husband was a 'one minute wonder' and I hated it. The sex felt awesome for the brief minute it lasted and of course you want more of what feels good. i did. Yes he could bring me to orgams manually or orally but that's not all there is to sex and I wanted more. It got to the point where I thought i'd go to my grave never knowing what awesome sex was like.

Since our divorce I've met more guys (my ex was my first) and have been lucky enough to have had experiences with guys who had amazing stamina (and I'm talking middle aged guys here not young 'uns). So maybe it's an age thing where they learn self-control? I do think it's something that has to be worked at, particularly if there's a problem to start with.

I know some women are more than thankful for sex not to last too long, but I'm not one of them. If it's feeling soooooooo good I want it to last as long as possible thankyou. Of course if it's not that great, then the quicker the better.

Don't short-change yourself, and he shouldn't want to short-change himself either. surely you both want as much out of it as you can get so he needs to do some readiing on how to start to solve this problem. It's fixable but it'll take work.

**infoguy** · 02-05-2010 11:49 AM

There's a hot new inexpensive product to help men last longer created by Adam&Eve. It's called "Adam & Eve Delay Spray" and can be found at *Removed outbound link* There are 101 reviews as of today and I suggest you read some of them and get some insight on some of the things you should do and not do that might not be listed in the set of Directions if you decide to purchase the product. You should also sit with him and ponder some of the positive things that were happening in his life last year that enabled him to prolong his ejaculation. Is he more stressed out this year? are the two of you not having sex as often as when you two first began having sex? Is he masturbating more? Is he beginning with his favorite position that makes him cum faster? Was he secretly taking an enhancement to impress you and stopped taking them?