I resent sex!

**asiangrace** · 02-07-2010 12:34 PM

I have published a couple of posts about my lack of sex drive, but it's getting worse. I am getting to the point where I literally resent having sex... I hate it so much I cry at the thought of it.

My boyfriend is wonderful. We've been dating for over a year and he still
makes me feel just as beautiful as he did on our very first date. You can say that even after a year, we're still in our "honeymoon" stage.

He loves sex and we have it at least 1 to 3 times a day six days a week!
I love cuddling, I could cuddle and and never have sex for the rest of my life. He likes cuddling too and napping together. But when we nap together, it makes him horny that he wants sex either in the middle or at the end of the nap. I just want to take a nap with him without dreading having to have sex! I just want to rest.
It's gotten to the point where I avoid taking naps now.

On the rare occasion that I am horny, he isn't. We just have completely opposite hormonal schedules.

I feel like sex should be a bond between two people and they both should love it but I get so frustrated at the thought of sex that it makes me cry!

I cry silently because I don't want him to know how much I hate having sex.

He is an amazing guy and never belittles me and shows me he loves me everyday. We serve each other everyday and can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

But I am feeling like this resentment to sex is just not healthy for either of us.

It was like this with my previous boyfriend too. We never actually had intercourse, but I didn't want sex with him either.

It can't be normal to hate sex so much that a person cries over it?!!!

**Texinator** · 02-07-2010 12:45 PM

What do you resent most? Do you feel physically disgusted? Morally disgusted? Or like it's just too much of a chore that you do because you feel you have to rather than because you want to?

**WildChild** · 02-07-2010 12:47 PM

Certainly there is something going on with this. Can you get into to see a counselor? They should be able to help you pin this down. It sounds emotional rather than physical. You need to get this resolved before you go any further in a relationship.

**asiangrace** · 02-07-2010 01:09 PM

Originally Posted by Tex

What do you resent most? Do you feel physically disgusted? Morally disgusted? Or like it's just too much of a chore that you do because you feel you have to rather than because you want to?

I don't feel physically disgusted. I was raised that sex outside of marriage was a huge sin. I no longer believe that, but maybe it's still a little bit of guilt since I am not married. It feels much more like a chore. A big chore that I whine and complain about -- in my mind. It's more a chore in the relationship than a desire.

**asiangrace** · 02-07-2010 01:12 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Certainly there is something going on with this. Can you get into to see a counselor? They should be able to help you pin this down. It sounds emotional rather than physical. You need to get this resolved before you go any further in a relationship.

I think that's a super good suggestion, a counselor. I don't have medical insurance so seeing a counselor would be expensive but there is free counseling at my college. I always thought though ,that counseling at school was meant just for career decisions or ways to relieve stress, etc. Not for sexual problems. But I guess I can look more in to their counseling services. Maybe something like that would help a lot. I really want to know why I feel this way. I never use to get this upset over it. And it's even more confusing because I know without a doubt that I love my boyfriend and that he loves me the same way.

**Texinator** · 02-07-2010 01:21 PM

Guilt can be very powerful. Even if you think you're over it, lingering guilt can cut into your sexual desire and even shut it down. If that's the case, then of course it's going to feel like a chore, because you'd be happy without sex but you still want to keep your boyfriend happy.

**asiangrace** · 02-07-2010 01:54 PM

Originally Posted by Tex

Guilt can be very powerful. Even if you think you're over it, lingering guilt can cut into your sexual desire and even shut it down. If that's the case, then of course it's going to feel like a chore, because you'd be happy without sex but you still want to keep your boyfriend happy.

But I don't want it to feel like a chore :-( I want to love sex and love having sex with my boyfriend. I totally feel like I'm missing out on something great.
I wonder if I would feel different if I had waited for marriage? I don't know. Argh. I'm so confused with myself.

**Texinator** · 02-07-2010 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by asiangrace86

I wonder if I would feel different if I had waited for marriage?

Maybe, but you don't agree that premarital sex is a sin. So then the guilt is the problem, not that you didn't want until marriage. And if your family is very religious, I'm assuming that premarital sex isn't the only thing related to sex that they find sinful, correct?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-07-2010 02:31 PM

I remember when I first met my husband, 69 days in a row, and more than once a day and I felt the same...

I felt that it was "sex" and I didn't like it..

A woman wants to feel "sexy". Intimate. When it's "expected" on -going and you know it's coming over and over, you can feel that it's just sex and you can feel used for sex, instead of seeing it as he finds you incredibly attractive, sexually and desires you.

It can be purely the way that he does it, as "sex" that is making you feel that way, instead of making love to you on most occasions with the horny sometimes...

You may need to be honest and explain that to him, if most times it feels like just "sex".. That's basically what I did...

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-07-2010 02:32 PM

I think his high drive is making your resentment worse. Not his fault or yours but 1-3 times a day 6 days a week is a tall order for someone actually enjoying it... An even taller order for someone that isn't.

You don't have to admit to not having a drive but a little communication and compromise is needed or ur going to start acting out in other ways eventually if u aren't already.

I mean becoming annoyed with him in general when sex is the real issue.

1-3 times a day can be hard on a womans body sometimes ( sore etc) maybe try talking to him about doing it once a day to give you time to simmer and build anticipation?

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