18... virgin and i'm afraid that I'm too tight=[

**hellokittylover** · 02-10-2010 03:29 PM

[advisory: this might be too much information for you to handle]

my boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for about a year and a half and we tried sex for the first time ever about 4 days ago. A penis, fingers, objects or anything had ever been up there before. He's NOT a virgin btw.
I just don't know if its normal to be so tight and sensitive up there... he tried fingers and even that hurt when he did it. He stopped because he didn't like seeing me in pain but I told him to keep trying but just slowly. The next day, he tried putting it in and through several trials and much pain he was able to get a little bit of it in there. This made me bleed, but we tried again another time he told me to push down to get it in, but I couldn't take it... therefore, I'm confused as whereas my hymen may still be intact or if it has been ruptured because of the blood. Is there anything I can do to make this easier for us because I don't want him to think he's hurting me... and he kinda freaks out when I tell him it hurts. Anything having to do with masturbation is out of the question though because i'm just not comfortable with putting objects or hands up there myself. Besides, I'm never home alone my mom is always in the house and my room doesn't have a lock. Is it normal to be this tight? Does having a petite build have anything to do with it?

**p3375** · 02-10-2010 03:55 PM

HK:
You may have partially torn your hymen but that doesn't mean it's gone. In some of us, the tissue that makes up the hymen is so tough that it's better to have it surgically opened rather than torn by pushing something inside.

Best advice - let your ob-gyn take a look and advise you. I realize from your post that you live at home and that may not be practical, but it's the best approach.
P

**LanaBear** · 02-10-2010 04:00 PM

Are you aroused enough? Wet enough? It will be uncomfortable, difficult the first few times. Use lube if you have to. Make sure there is plenty and plenty of foreplay. Relax and breathe. But make sure you are more than wet down there.

Originally Posted by hellokittylover

[advisory: this might be too much information for you to handle]

HAHA - take a look through the forums, your post is mild.

**dr.tony** · 02-11-2010 06:46 AM

i had this same problem with my high school girlfriend. she was tight and sex hurt. didnt help that my member is much thicker than average. and having a small build may have something to do with it, especially if you have small hips and what i call "a small hook up area" it where everything down there is small and close together.
unfortunately sex will probably be painful for a while. sometimes more than others, but there are somethings that will help.
LUBE is your friend. get the flavored warming kind and have him go down on you. as you become more aroused your vagina will open up slightly and become more tolerant to pain. a small vibrator on your clit will also help to arouse you - if you live near a spencers gift shop these things are cheap and easy to get and dont require you to go to a seedy adult store.
one more thing.. it is important to know that you should relax and enjoy it, girls often seem to think loosing her virginity should be something from a chick-flick with flowers falling and 80s slow dance music going in the background... but its not going to be like that. even if you are totally in love.. its gonna be awkward for both of you. try to enjoy it, but be ready to laugh about it later..

**WildChild** · 02-11-2010 06:54 AM

It doesn't sound like you are aroused at all and you seem to have some real hang ups about sex. I'd have to question how much either of you knows about foreplay if you've been together this long and he's never fingered you before.

You don't have to put anything "up there" to masterbate. It would be a really good idea for you to get comfortable with touching yourself and find out what feels good so you can help direct him. Spend more time in sexual play. Backing off the idea of intercourse and start learning what turns you both on - especially you, would be a good idea.

**hellokittylover** · 02-11-2010 05:54 PM

Wild Child... well like I've said we've been dating on and off for a year and a half. We recently got back together after we had have not been talking for about 5 months. Before that, our relationship had lots of issues for a number of reasons so we did a lot of arguing but now it seems a lot of those reasons for the issues are gone so its different now. One of the issues was him being stuck on his ex girlfriend... which he says he is over with for sure now.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-11-2010 09:59 PM

It might seem like a good idea to make that first insertion ... go slowly, but actually it isn't. Think of it like getting your ear pierced... you'd rather then snap it in (ouch) for a few seconds then , ahh... over with, relax...lil sore..slowly fades, all better. If they took an hour to push the needle through your ear lobe rather than a few seconds that pain is just dragged out and out and out and still sore and ouch later...

Its better to , if you are commited to losing it to him, is to have him warm you up as much as possible (the more turned on you are, the less it will hurt as you will have some natural aroused swolen tissues and natural lube.. also use artificial lube on yourself as well as the condom, relax, tell him when you are ready for him to go for it, suck down on his shoulders and let him proceed. Its best if you are on your back, with your legs spread but open as that is the least tight vaginal position (doggy and legs over your shoulder shorten your vaginal canal and make sex tighter... great for later, for now - not so much )

**hellokittylover** · 02-12-2010 11:13 PM

idk... I'm thinking of breaking up with him maybe. Just letting go because one of the reasons it hurts so bad is that he doesn't give me enough foreplay... like no love no passion just inserts it in there like BAM... and I asked him about it and why he puts no effort into it no love etc.. and he said he's confused and that he loves his recent ex which really hurt me and made me cry. I just think there's too many issues in this relationship which are unfixable. He always reports to be in a 'confused' state of mind and the crappy treatment just never stops. Its going to hurt because after a year and a half that I dealt with all this down the drain. I've always been there for him, been the sweetest girl ever to him and he knows it but I'm just tired of dealing with the excuses and heartlessness. I've been in love twice but never been loved in return. I'm starting NOT to believe in love... 'fall in love once its your bad, fall in love twice... you're stupid.'

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-13-2010 12:08 AM

Good head on your shoulders. Don't think giving him your virginity... or that sex will in anyway help with his 'confusion'... if his answer to why he doesn't try to warm you up is that he has feelings for his ex it says:

He is selfish -- can't be bothered to heat you up, even if it means you will have more pain -- all because he still has feelings for his ex? Talk about a cop-out... and cruel one at that.

You are best to walk away, and I'm glad you know that now and sorry for the hurt you have.

**smiley414** · 02-13-2010 04:28 PM

im 18 and im a virgin too. to be honest i've never had a boyfriend but i've heard many stories from friends and some family members that are similar to yours. i think it's best to end things. someone told me once that sometimes when you first start to have sex it may be hard especially when you have high morals of yourself and others. they said it was like a psychological thing and that it's basically your brain telling your body that you're not ready because subconsciously you really don't want to have sex based on your morals/beliefs. i actually looked it up on a website and my friends was right..there is such a thing.