Thread: Was She or wasnt She?

Originally Posted by manspoint

This goes back many years and is of no consequence now but I have always wondered. I will never know the truth but ask for your opinions.

My ex-wife was totally uninterested in sex for at least a couple of years.
We would have sex once every 2-3 months and even then she wasn't involved. Half the time I would give up in a huff.

We had a good sex life earlier, not as wild as mine is now, but I was happy and I think she was too.

She was getting bigger and bigger. She would go to bed every single night with a packet of chips, rather than me.

Or if I took the initiative and got to bed first, she would sit up playing computer games until I was again in a huff. Not on-line, just solitaire and tetris.

I did my share of household work. We had acres and I chopped firewood, kept her horse hobby in order and helped inside the house, vacuuming, sweeping, dishes, etc. Brought her flowers coming home from work. And brought in a very good income to boot.

So, I was getting desperate.
I renovated the bathroom to include a shower . (I had a cunning plan). Total remake, spa bath, polished floorboards, new vanity, new shower, walls, ceiling, window. This enabled me to turn the separate shower room into a computer room and get that ed computer out of the bedroom.

When it was finished she spent half the night in the new computer room, munching on chips.

All my advances were to no avail. We tried to talk about it and she simply said "sex isn't important to me". It sure used to be.

Plan B.
I had a vasectomy. Surely my sacrifice would show her how far I will go.
Doctor told us it would increase my libido. Should have been her having the snip. Well my libido went up 100 fold, but the sex was still off the agenda.

She even stayed on the Pill, after I had done a test and all. Don't understand that AT ALL.

I ended up resenting her immensely and being very drawn towards another women I met. I didn't have sex with her (while still with my wife) but, yes, I wanted to and I know that is just as bad. But I was starving.

My wife and I talked again. I suggested we needed councilling. To my horror she said "You have the problem, you go have councilling".

Well that was it. She didn't even realise that WE had a problem, not just me. So I left. And then had councilling.

I recently saw her MySpace page (ugh!). She is engaged and her profile says she enjoys sex.

So.....
After all that dialogue, do you think she was cheating on me?

Wow i'd be pissed if i were u, just reading that makes me pissed and i dont even know her!

Originally Posted by StillLearnin

She could have used "I like sex" to lure in her fiance. Maybe she truly doesn't. She could be doing a "bait and switch" on him.
I doubt she was cheating because she didn't care about her health or figure by eating so much. If she had a lover at the time she probably would have been taking better care of herself.

Not necessarily. Alot of men today love big buts and soem thickness. If the girl is cute and has a nice rack a little thickness starts to matter less and less to alot of guys. Not all guys but a good number. Also certain ethnic groups like thick women more than others. So you never know.

I agree with WC.

Well you said she liked sex at the beginning with you too.. so it could be that she either pretends to have a sexuality early on -- then settles into a relationship and reveals her more asexual nature down the road.

Could be that she was in a depression of some sort during your marriage (the chips, the seclusion, the disinterest in activities she use to enjoy) and then made a breakthrough later. Perhaps you leaving her was a catalyst to her realizing she needed to take a look at herself and try to get help.

You'll never know if she cheated. Even if you talked to her, she could tell you she did (while she didn't, just to hurt you) or she could tell you she didn't (while did, just to spare you).

If you knew for a fact she was cheating would it help you in anyway to deal with what happened? If you knew for a fact she wasn't , would that?

Sometimes life throws situations at us and we do the best we can do with what we have. It sounds like you exhausted everything you could before giving up but in the end you both ended up for the better.