Thread: guy needs female input..

Hey everyone, i am new to this forum. I kind of stumbled across it while "googling" some questions i had about sex that i really wanted to hear input from a female. If this has been covered before i am sorry but here goes


I am 25, i am a virgin but my girlfriend is not. which i am completely alright with. At least i thought i was. Recently i have been having some trouble with jealousy..mostly spawned from images that come into my mind of other guys that have had sex with her. We are long distance right now as she is in medical school and so being physically intimate is unfortunately not an option right now, but for some reason i have really been struggling with this. We are both open about our sexual pasts and i don't view HER any differently than if she were a virgin. However, sometimes i just think about some other guy on top of her and for some reason it makes me jealous for no reason. I trust her completely so it isn't that. I guess also it makes me worried i wont match up to other men she has been with when we finally have sex. Is this normal or do i need to stop being a twit about it?

One more thing (slightly off-topic)..we have been getting more and more sexual over the phone and via texs, which i love and its fun, however, what is proper phone sex etiquette with the guy/girl you love? I want to be sexual and descriptive but not raunchy or tasteless. basically i feel stupid saying "your vagina" but dont want to use crude terminology either..i want to be sexy while still maintaining a sweet intimacy. make sense?

sorry for the long first post! much more questions to follow i am sure :-P

It is completely normal to feel how you feel, so don't worry about that.
I cannot say much about jealousy, cause I've never had that problem.
I'd say you won't be on top of your game the first time but you'll get there in no time so don't worry.
If your girlfriend didn't want to experience it with you, a virgin man, she'd be with a non virgin guy by now.

About your vocabulary - depends on the context. Can you not just say 'you'? Like, I wanna see you for example. Just stick it in the sex talk, she'll understand.
Or try looking up words on internet. Just don't go too mad with them, maybe she won't understand.

The fact that you guys are on a distance is what is likely causing those images and thoughts about her past to bother you. Once she is in your arms and you are the one being close with her, those guys in her past won't bother you one bit.

It has less to do with the fact you are a virgin and she is not and more to do with not having experienced her the way someone else has, YET. You will. I am so glad you are progressive and open-minded and able to understand that she is no less respectable because she fell for some guys bs at some point and had sex :P

For the phone sex question:

You can describe or ask her to describe exactly how she is touching her body... let her say the words.. ask for vivid detail, not only is it hot -- but you will also get an idea of how raunchy she wants it verbally.

Gidday Mate....

First..totally normal to have the anxiety driven visions/thoughts that you're having. Don't sweat it. She's still your girl and hasn't jumped you yet so I feel that there is consideration and respect there on her part...yippee for you. Once you get into the love making, yeah you may still have those thoughts on occasions (what she do with ??, how was it with ??) but that doesn't matter any more and just discount it.

Second..they are private (hopefully) conversations between you two so anything goes....once you have both established the boundaries. You could ask her either straight or subtly or increase the raunchiness of your texts a little bit at a time and test her responses.

Hope that helps...I'm long distance from my wife at the moment so I know what you're going through.

I guess that actually makes perfect sense with it being about the long distance part and not her past sexual partners. It's funny because usually i am never the jealous type.. This girl is completely different for me though. I have loved another woman before but i have never adored one until she came long. I would consider these thoughts and feelings to be a reflection of my possible insecurities. I am DEFINITELY dating outside of my league here so i guess even though we are completely both in love, i still question if i will be able to hold on to her. She could date any guy she wanted, yes she wants me? crazy girl :-P

Also about the text/phone calls: they aren't like a typical phone sex type thing (ie: I am touching my ____ ooo feels nice). It's usually just an intimate story. Usually when we go to bed i will tell her a story to help her fall asleep. Usually just a story of "If i were there with you right now..." and usually is just about the intimacy and where i would run my hands. I am not a raunchy guy and neither is she a raunchy girl. We both like classy sexy pillow talk ;-) We also put each other on speakerphone and go to sleep with each other on the line. If anyone else is long distance right now (manspoint) i would highly recommend it. It's really nice having them on the phone that night and being able to hear them breathe..or sometimes mumble in their sleep. hehe it's great. And you get to wake up and say goodmorning without even making a phone call. (my cell phone usage last month was 16,000 minutes haha)

Originally Posted by ocularone

I am DEFINITELY dating outside of my league here

Please don't think that way, even if you just said that to be silly... and especially don't ever say that to her. You are IN her league , very much so, if she chose to be with you. My boyfriend makes comments about leagues and things and it makes me sick to my stomach.

I see how its meant to be flattering as in 'you are more than I deserve', but at the same time you are telling her 'you can do better... you are making a poor choice in being with me' when you say things like that. And you know in your heart your the right man for her, don't try to convince her otherwise!

So you are saying, ME saying that to her could have a negative impact on her? ...crapp i'm an idiot

Oh and to add the sick to my stomach part mostly comes in when he's talking about other people : example in a movie seeing a women end up with someone one and him saying 'she is so out of his league, yeah right'. It makes me think he see's all women in 'leagues' and must have viewed me as being 'in his league' at some point or he wouldn't have went after me.

So when he says things like he doesn't deserve me, or belittles his 'league' it makes me feel like he devaluing my 'league' .

Its okay just don't say that anymore. Women that are in love think so highly of the man they are with. They are proud of the choice they made... don't put a bug in her ear that she may have made the wrong one by constantly stating that she's better than you deserve.

Try telling her she made a poor choice in an outfit and watch her get upset, telling her she may have made a poor choice in picking you is insulting in a way... even though you probably are saying it from a place of insecurity and feeling lucky to have her, it also is slamming her taste in men... her very good taste

thank you hopeless..that gives me good insight. I too have made that dumb choice in telling her i don't deserve her. However mine has a little more context to it. Still, it's hard to not think it sometimes. If you viewed a wrap-sheet of our lives. You would see that she is one-of-a-kind and amazing in ever sense of the word. I am completely and painfully ordinary.