My boyfriend starts sex with no foreplay and the only goal is his orgasm?

**celeryistheenemy** · 02-16-2010 02:11 PM

Then the end is I'm left frustrated and it's "well goodnight, I'm done", pretty much. I am really frustrated and I feel used and hurt.

I tried gently explaining to him how I feel and I need more than that, there are things we can do like being more affectionate and spend more time on it. he says there's nothing he can do as far as lasting longer or anything else of it. He offered to go to a doctor, but what I'm asking for does not require doctor's attention-- all I want is for him to give more affection and concentrate on my needs as well and he doesn't understand why I feel used and have no sexual interest anymore.

I've tried looking for some men's articles online that might explain how women feel when you leave them unsatisfied and feeling like all the man cares about is his own pleasure and not the woman's. I can't seem to find anything that hits it on the button and I don't know what else to say to him or what to do, as he doesn't want to hear any of it. Any help, please, please???

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-16-2010 02:20 PM

Do you think that it's because 1) he doesn't like oral and 2) if you were to engage more ,then he would cum and therefore, not be able to perform, seeing as he mentioned "Doctor".

It could be a fear on his side you know.. Performance Anxiety.

He needs to be educated and to learn how to control and to realise that one sided sex is selfish.

Perhaps you need to just say, shhhh let's try this, and engage in some foreplay with him anyway.

Once he sees the difference in your reactions he may very well change his mind.

CW

**heryseshta** · 02-16-2010 04:50 PM

Wow that sounds familiar... My previous boyfriend used to not even want to cuddle unless he either got a bj or sex and as for foreplay...There was none. I know how you feel. Besides feeling like he doesn't care outside of the bedroom is everything ok? Do his other actions outside of the bedroom show affection? You deserve someone who will show affection and if he won't even listen then I would say he isn't worth fighting for.

**rcoreyus** · 02-16-2010 05:55 PM

Do you think he doesn't care about your enjoyment, or that he cares, but doesn't know what to do about it (and feel physically inadequate)?

**Theresa** · 02-17-2010 01:06 PM

Been there - Done that. Have I tried to change it?? Yes, but no luck. I guess some men will never change!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!

**newhere808** · 02-17-2010 03:25 PM

Sounds to me like he may just be having sex to get his satifaction, and then that's the end of the show. Something like that won't be remedied unless you make him understand that sex needs to be more than 'one n done', that you crave intimacy, not just short physical attention.

**Fish** · 02-17-2010 04:31 PM

Have you considered dropping the guy? It sounds like he doesn't have your best interests in mind. Does this also apply to other areas of your life, like where you eat dinner or what activities you guys do? (does he call the shots in other areas without considering your desires?) IMO this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I'd make sure he knows how much this means to you and how you feel used.

**WildChild** · 02-17-2010 06:22 PM

Originally Posted by newhere808

Sounds to me like he may just be having sex to get his satifaction, and then that's the end of the show. Something like that won't be remedied unless you make him understand that sex needs to be more than 'one n done', that you crave intimacy, not just short physical attention.

I like that quote "one and done" know someone who should have a shirt or hat or something with that on it.

**newhere808** · 02-17-2010 07:46 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

I like that quote "one and done" know someone who should have a shirt or hat or something with that on it.

Sadly I know a few guys that could wear that with "pride"

**StillLearnin** · 02-17-2010 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by celeryistheenemy

Then the end is I'm left frustrated and it's "well goodnight, I'm done", pretty much. I am really frustrated and I feel used and hurt.

WT*? That's very selfish. Talk to him, try to get him to understand, and if he doesn't come around drop him.

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