Sexual Fantasies: How far do they get?

**Branwen** · 02-22-2010 09:56 AM

Hi,
I'm having some issues with my boyfriend and his new sexual fantasies. He has started sharing them with me two weeks ago. I have known him since November only...I wonder how far are these going to get? What do they mean?
I love my boyfriend and I know he has feelings for me too, but recently he has started sharing some weird fantasies such as: a threesome (one man who penetrates me and him as well), or being seeing on a webcam while we have sex (although he told me he does not chat anymore), or going to a swing bar, wearing my bra and panties, having a woman lick my while he has sex with her and things like that, or now he fantasizes with my (girl) friend and her new boyfriend who also likes having anal sex perform on him, same as my boyfriend does. So I asked him:would you like me to arrange a meeting to go out and get to know each other the four of us, so he chicked out and laughed jokingly and said he did not want to....so I'm trying to figure out how far his fantasies are going to get.
My fantasies are the typical: having sex with two men or imagining past relationships, or getting horny with straight sex porn...that's pretty much it.
So far I ignore him and let him do his talk....I enjoy so much being with him that what he says I don't care as long as it helps him get horny...
anyhow, could you help me? many thanks!!

**rcoreyus** · 02-22-2010 11:19 AM

It depends a lot. Some fantasies remain fantasies, some turn into reality. A fantasy you both share you might want to turn to reality - if it is practical and safe. Some fantasies you can "act out" in role playing without really doing them. Some that you aren't both comfortable with, you shouldn't do.

Multiple partner fantasies are very common - but most people decide that the reality isn't worth the effort and risk. Some people do have 3-4 somes and enjoy it.

**dr.tony** · 02-22-2010 11:41 AM

**edited

**StillLearnin** · 02-22-2010 12:19 PM

It's great that he's communicating his fantasies to you. It's up to him though to understand what your limits are, and up to you to help him experience some of them.

I have a lot of fantasies that I'm just now able to start communicating to my wife. They are 25 years in the making. She's just now realizing how important variety in a sexual relationship is. Well, she's just learned how important an active sexual relationship is because she finally heard me, after all these years. Right now I'm just working on the different positions I always wanted to use. One step at a time...

**LilahX** · 02-22-2010 08:51 PM

It's great he's talking to you about this. If he is just using them to get horny, indulge him and talk about them, let your imagination run wild. Maybe that's as far as he'll ever want to go.

If, down the track, he wanted to experiment with some of these, how would you feel? Most things he's suggested aren't that out of the ordinary (and some of them my man and I have done).

Play along for now, but think about whther you'd be willing to go from fantasy to reality if he was ever brave enough to do more than just talk about it. If he doesn't, then nothing lost, or you might find you develop a sense of adventure !

**lowprofile** · 02-23-2010 11:05 AM

what your limits are, and up to you to help him experience some of them

As said above...it is upto you..
but let me remind you that man's fantasies has no limits....it is usually woman who should control it or edit it.......

involving threesome in my opinion is too much...may be many will disagree.........but for me it is against your privacy...ya!! in fantasy u can think anything.

**Branwen** · 03-01-2010 05:13 PM

I'm really dissappointed about his fantasies. Ours do not match. I think. last weekend I did not want to see him and he felt something was wrong. I told him it was because of our sex life and that I was almost right he was gay and he was not really enjoying sex with me. He then said he finds me very attractive and hot to him and that he has never tried sex with another guy that his are only fantasies, and that he loves me and wants to continue with me.
I have been enjoying our sex up until he started talking about his gay fantasies or me being with other women while he is with other men. I do not enjoy the same things he talks about! I'm desperate because I do not know what to do whether to dump him or what. any ideas?

**WildChild** · 03-01-2010 05:23 PM

You should talk with him. It sounds like this is all just fantasy. After all when you suggested a first step to his fantasy, he wasn't exactly eager to jump right in.

**Disco** · 03-02-2010 07:21 AM

Originally Posted by lowprofile

As said above...it is upto you..
but let me remind you that man's fantasies has no limits....it is usually woman who should control it or edit it.......

involving threesome in my opinion is too much...may be many will disagree.........but for me it is against your privacy...ya!! in fantasy u can think anything.

In my case I'm the one with fantasies and men know my wants and they'd never ever agree to fulfill any of them.

Branwen, no person is 100% gay or straight. He might be confused himself and he's making the relationship confusing and that's why you feel confused. You can take a break to calm down and take time to understand what is going on and how you both are feeling.
You said you have fantasies of being with more than one man well...isn't it something you both share? I do not understand how your fantasies don't match, from what you have said they match perfectly.

You can try doing something with his bum in bed. Maybe he wants that and thinks he needs a man for that. Go as far as you can without feeling uncomfortable.

**stressed** · 03-02-2010 07:49 AM

Originally Posted by Branwen

My fantasies are the typical: having sex with two men or imagining past relationships

The other posters are covering the subject well, I was just a little bit surprised that you included "past relationships" in your fantasies while you have a boyfriend. Is it something they did with you that your current boyfriend won't do? Were those relationships more intense? Just wondering.