Different sex drives to keep the balance?

**StillLearnin** · 02-22-2010 02:26 PM

I've always wondered about the scenario of two highly oversexed people who are perfect for each other in the bedroom being perfect or each other in life.

Both people would probably be driven Type A personalities, the relationship might be a lot more volatile, with lots of emotions and drama.

I don't mean to hijack the thread, but this has caused me to wonder. I've always wondered, just not out loud.

I wonder if being lucky to find a sexually compatible partner, like in my case, a very sexual woman, would cause other problems in the home and family? Do we need a partner that isn't as sexual to keep the balance and the relationship stable?

Thoughts?

**Fallen1** · 02-22-2010 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by StillLearnin

I've always wondered about the scenario of two highly oversexed people who are perfect for each other in the bedroom being perfect or each other in life.

Both people would probably be driven Type A personalities, the relationship might be a lot more volatile, with lots of emotions and drama.

I don't mean to hijack the thread, but this has caused me to wonder. I've always wondered, just not out loud.

I wonder if being lucky to find a sexually compatible partner, like in my case, a very sexual woman, would cause other problems in the home and family? Do we need a partner that isn't as sexual to keep the balance and the relationship stable?

Thoughts?

Interesting question.

My first thoughts would be yes - in my case anyway. As high as my drive is if my husbands was the same we'd never get out of the bedroom. At least this way I do get housework etc. done.

**Explorer44** · 02-22-2010 07:20 PM

I don't know....I'll have to find a man with my level of drive and test that theory....for a few.......days.....weeks....ummmm.

All kidding aside, there are some here who have some serious tales of neglect due to mismatched drives...and I have been one of them. It left me in a sexless relationship for literally years. No thanks.

My next relationship (you see that CW...I AM thinking positively!) will most assuredly need to be with someone who it a better match for me sexually than my recent past SO

**heryseshta** · 02-22-2010 07:31 PM

Actually I don't think that the sex drives need to be mismatched. I am in a good relationship with someone who matches me, both of us would be as you call it 'over sexed'. If we don't have anything planned and we don't have anything that we need to do we might actually have it about 4 times in one day. However we don't neglect anything we need to do and we can control ourselves. We also still go out and do things that don't involve sex. So I don't think that the drives need to be mismatched to be balanced, I think the two people need to have self control.

**stressed** · 02-22-2010 09:37 PM

We can't say for sure. But my experience (and by knowing about other couples' experiences) is that when the sex drive is equally high in both then they tend to have other problems, some times serious ones, some times the kind of problems that lead to constant fights.

When you're with someone you want to have sex all the time and s/he wants the same back, it turns more into a passionate relationship than a stable one. You're almost obsessed with the other and so is the other with you. And when it doesn't fade away you realize that you just can't be in this state 24/7, that there are other things in relationships you should be compatible with too. But you can't escape it. I don't think I'd like to live a life where passion is there 24/7/365, my brain would explode. There has to be a balance.

**lowprofile** · 02-23-2010 04:05 AM

How high the drive.....it has to be vanished for few hrs or days.....nobody can have drive for 24 hrs or circumstances for 24 hrs (in my case..haha).

but balance is necessary....I agree with stressed!! that if u have too much drive , then it would have some side effects......

and as by other friend here that how can we manage in practical life our time if we would have too much sex drive.......atleast a litle Money is very important for life, my dear ....and it has to be earned ...and it wants a big time to involve...for that we have to leave our bedrom fantasies and concentrate on other issues........
so said by some friends here...in any case (low or high drive)...it has to be controlled....

**StillLearnin** · 02-23-2010 04:59 AM

Thought about more last night, here's what I have concluded:

There will be problems in a mismatched sex drive relationship because of the frustrations and resentments that will occur. There will be problems in a matched sex drive relationship because two of that type of personality could clash, and the passion could get in the way of day to day life (that's a big could because most people would control it. Kids still have to be fed, bills paid, errands run.). So, there's going to be problems either way.

I think it would be worth it to be in a matched sex drive relationship and deal with those type of problems instead of the problems in a mismatched relationship. At least there will be consistent hot passionate sex. And the reality is all relationships have issues that have to be dealt with.

**WildChild** · 02-23-2010 05:03 AM

Why would you think they would both be type As. Poor assumption. I'm not and I have a very high drive.

**StillLearnin** · 02-23-2010 05:05 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Why would you think they would both be type As. Poor assumption. I'm not and I have a very high drive.

I don't know. I know a few people with high drives that are Type A personalities. I definitely am. So I made the assumption on what I have experienced.

**OhThereYouAre** · 02-23-2010 05:21 AM

I think people would be WAY better off if everyone chose significant others with similar sex drive, and similar willingness to have sex.

Money are sex and usually cited in studies to be the number 1 and number 2 causes of divorce.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that people aren't getting divorced because they are having TOO MUCH sex.

In my experience, I've noticed that women I've dated start to resent sex when they aren't as sexual as I am. If the sex drive isn't there, it is hard for them to comprehend how I can be interested in sex so often and I could understand how one could become irritated if they feel like they have to engage in something they don't necessarily want more often than they'd like.

In relationships where we've both been on more common ground regarding sex , I've felt more fulfilled and it's given us as a couple one less thing to argue over. Also, women with higher sex drives seem easier to arouse and easier to please sexually.

I'd say it's a win win, but just my .02.