Thread: Why am I acting like such an over this??

Ocularone is definitely a poster you don't have to be scared of hearing his thoughts on porn. He is voice of reason in my head that keeps me from thinking ALLL guys are total pigs :P

Just knowing that there are guys out there in this world that can feel like he does, keeps hope in my heart that my boyfriend is capable of feeling that way too.

Some other male posters, however, will make you feel like you want to move to a remote cabin and start collecting cats

My boyfriend is a superstar, most affectionate guy I've ever been with. Compliments me all the time, looks into my eyes and says things that melt my heart every single day. He makes me the most important thing in his day, I don't ever have to wonder if he loves me, its written all over his face and everything he does for me.

I know in his eyes he think I'm hot , I know he doesn't wander around hoping to catch an upgraded model of me. He's a happy camper and calls me his dream girl.

But in the past he'd look at porn, we don't live together and theres a good possiblity that he still does it from time to time. Although ever since he understood how much it hurt my feelings it really seems like if he does it anymore , its rare.

I searched high and low to find a way to be okay with that, to still feel loved and pretty and special despite the fact he wanted to browse porn when he was alone ... and I couldn't.

He tried a million and one ways to make me feel better about it and to try to make me understand the fact he looked before had nothing to do with me and more to do with just being bored sometimes when I wasn't around and sometimes feeling like it was a quick avenue to get off when he didn't think he had the energy for a fully loaded sexcapade with me.

We broke down walls and shared feelings of insecurity on both sides and the role porn played in that.

Do I think he will still be excited to see other hot girls online or on tv or in person. Yeah. I do. But if he didn't find other girls pretty and hot, how would it be possible for him to recognize that he finds me that way too. But on top of him finding me that way he also finds me interesting and special enough to love. I keep that on my mind when I start to feel bad about the fact that he's a guy and will always take notice to a woman's beauty... in porn or in a commerical.

you know...it's alright to be upset that your boyfriend is looking at pornography. You don't have to try and rationalize why it's alright. You will hear many opinions and viewpoints on why it's a perfectly healthy, normal thing for a man to do. However, the simple truth is..you are hurt by it. When one party is hurt by something the other is doing in a relationship, it should be able to be openly discussed. I would hope he would be able to refrain from using porn even if he didn't see any problem with it. Simply because it hurt you and he would never want to do anything to hurt you.

My girl will always be enough for me. And right now she is living 7 hours away! so nobody can lecture me on the hardships of long-distance relationships. I have never, and will never use pornography for masturbation because i only ever want her..even in my fantasies.

Hopeless Dork and Ocularone, you are both amazing with your responses. You have both made me see such a lot of sense!

I know exactly what you mean. I only have to look at his face to realise how much he loves me. He was single for 7 years until he met me, so he is always so gratefull and says how happy he is that he is with me.

I know that i should say something about it, as it is really eating me away inside - but because i have no actual evidence that he does, i almost feel stupid in confronting him about it. And if i do, i dont want him to think im moaning at him - because at the end of the day, we dont live together, so even if i did say i wasnt happy about it there would be no stopping him doing it anyway if you see what i mean. (Although he is much more caring and considerate then that.) and that would hurt me more - him knowing that im not happy with it but still he does it anyway.

I just dont know how i can approach the subject. I would love to talk to him about it - but dont know how.

i can understand that being a hard conversation to initiate. I guess i must be spoiled when it comes to communicating with your significant other because we can openly and honestly discuss anything. Even when it seems like it could be awkward, it always is wonderful. I'm not positive on how you may be able to bring it up to him but obviously you want to bring it up in a casual/curious manner. NOT accusatory. I'm sure you already realize not to call him up and be like "You're using porn, AREN'T YOU!?". If i were in your position i would just very lovingly bring it up one day. Probably in person, but i guess over the phone would be OK also... I don't know what kind of communication you guys have but when my girlfriend says to me "Can i ask you a question?" i know she is going to ask me something that could potentially be personal/awkward and it gives me a second to prepare myself and to also make sure to keep my guard completely DOWN. She knows the same thing when i ask her that same question in that voice that says "i'm gonna be serious here for a minute". Anyways, probably for him the best way to ask is just to begin by just discussing how you both feel about living 2hours from each other and only seeing each other on the weekends. The hardships, the struggles you both have with that. The frustrations, emotional AND sexual... See if you can open that up into talking about how you both release those sexual frustrations. Then perhaps see if you can (as unawkwardly as possible) ease into asking him how he feels about pornography in general... steering towards the goal of opening him up to discussing if he ever has/does use pornography to have a release when you aren't there.

Now, obviously it's still hard because i guess you can say even if he claims he doesn't, he could be lying about it, but you know him better than anyone so it's up to you to take him at his word, whatever it may be. Also, when you initiate the talk about porn, don't paint it in a bad light (even though it is a potentially hurtful thing to you) to him. You don't want to put him in a defensive position. I hope this post even makes sense when i hit the send button... Honestly i'm hoping that Hopeless Dork has already chimed in with the conversation tactics. She is way better at this than me

haha! no seriously your post makes a of a lot of sense! The way you tell it makes a lot of sense to me - so thank you for that! (and also Hopeless Dork!)

I know exactly what you mean - and i can really see how i can start talking to him about it. I dont want to make him feel really guilty, but i also dont want to go the other extreme and make him all defensive about it. You are right though, i reckon the best way to tackle it is to talk about the long distance thing - although talking about my supposed long distance 2 hours from him doesnt exactly compare to your 7 hours from your girl. I feel embaressed moaning about it!

You are right also, when you say that i know him better then anyone. He is a very honest guy, so i cant imagine him doing it if i tell him my feelings about it. But only time will tell - especially if i get the guts to tell him about it! knowing him though - he will see that there is something on my mind and then i will probably blurt it out. ha! will need to control myself!!

I just seriously wish i wasnt this bothered. it would do me so much good! I have never been a jealous person, especially when it comes to relationships. but this has just thrown me completly.

Do you think it also has something to do with our ages? Im 23, and my guy is 31. I thought (in my deluded world again which i like retreating to once in a while) that he would have been more grown up and mature to consider using porn?

oh dear - i will be bringing in my my hypothetical situations next!

Originally Posted by Joey

Do you think it also has something to do with our ages? Im 23, and my guy is 31. I thought (in my deluded world again which i like retreating to once in a while) that he would have been more grown up and mature to consider using porn?

Unforunately they never grow out of porn :P You would think once they have seen 500 million women naked it would be enough...lol... but its not

I don't know, sometimes I am frustrated by this need, but at the same time... I feel blessed to be a woman. Its that need of wanting to see us naked that leads to free drinks and men offering to carry heavy stuff. They are driven by our sexuality and bodies in a way that women just aren't towards men.

Of course there are women that exploit this vulernability for evil , but plenty more that just take it for what it is.

yeah i thought i may have been scraping at the bottom of the barrel on that one. I think im just trying to make excuses for it and making myself feel better.

ha! thats very true what you say. I should be happy for him carrying the heavy stuff

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Argh - the endless porn discussion again! I'm so tempted to present my opinion, but it really has been discussed to death over and over again here. You can search and find every opinion possible.

How about a compromise - use the vibrator during your lovemaking while watching porn with him....

haha - i really know what you mean. it is one of those topics that is totally discussed to death - the only difference with me is the fact that i havent really thought about it till now - or worried about it till now. And with the fear of sounding like a cow - i would never agree to watch porn while having sex with him.