Thread: help i cant have sex !! :(

can someone please help me im 18 and im a virgin i want 2 have sex with my boyfriend and i no im ready but whenever we try it hurts 2 much and he cant get it in i dont no what 2 do and im 2 scared 2 go 2 a doctors incase there is something wrong with me, i've always used tampons without any pain so i dont no why this hurts so much please help me, does anyone no anything i can do 2 stop it hurting so much or 2 make myself less tight x

If you're not ready for sex, don't have it. That's probably one of the reasons why you're so tight is because you know you're not ready, you're nervous and you're psyching youself out. Putting tampons in is totally different than sticking other things in with much larger circumfrences. Your hymen needs to break which is the skin that usually partially covers your vagina. the tampon is just small enough to get in without penetrating the skin. It's ok, don't freak out. It just takes time, and you need to be comfortable with yourself, and with him. If you guys don't know me by now, but my biggest thing with losing the v-card is to be sexually comfortable with yourself and with the person you're sleeping with, trusting that person, and being ready to take responsibility for your actions.

maybe your problem is that you're not wet enough. try using personal lubricant (don't use lotion or vaseline or anything not specifically for sexual use... it can break the condom!). hope that helps!

you use tampons ? and still virgin?
my advice to you , wait till you get married. it is worth it. Trust me.

Theres no way to make you "less tight".

Sex for the first time hurts for some people, and sometimes doesnt.
But after a few times, you will get used to it.

Why don't you try and enjoy yourselves a bit before? try touching each other alot, you know, foreplay etc. You could also try it in a bath or something? First time, I think he held it and pushed it in slightly, yet not all the way, and very slowly. You might wanna try this,and slowly push it in and eventually pushing it further in. I personally enjoyed my first time.. . although it may have been easier because we didn't think 'lets have sex', we just did.

And like others have said, make sure you are 'wet', foreplay can help, if you don't mind it you could let him finger you. I'm sure there's loads of things to try, I'm not an expert myself, but don't get frustrated, and make sure it's not all about getting an orgasm, just enjoy it, and try different things

I have personal experience of pain in this situation. First of all although you may think you are relaxed you proabbly are not, so it might be worth waiting a little longer a few more months or...

If you decide this is the man for you, and you wahnt sex now when he thinks he is ready and you feel you are ready to put it in wait another 10 minutes spending time on each other. Also women are all different your vagina is not how it is drawn in a text book so it may be set out a slightly different angle, try pressing your bum downwards into the bed, or wherever you are having sex. Also try to use tampons if you don't already, also a small vibrator to play with so you can control the speed etc is good initially, it will allow you to feel the angle you are at, and control it so you know if it hurts which angle to try etc and it will turn him on. also if he is not that experienced it will help him with where he needs to go - sounds a bit of a silly thing to say but is true!

Originally Posted by housewife

you use tampons ? and still virgin?
my advice to you , wait till you get married. it is worth it. Trust me.

Of course. The pain she's experiencing now will be worth it when she's married. Yes yes.[/sarcasm]

...If he tried to put it in once and it hurts how are you still a virgin? O_o Maybe you should just stick to foreplay. That should be fun. ^_^

As someone who went through this *exact* situation (and in some manners, am still going through it,) I have TONS of advice I can give you!
Okay, first, I should say that no matter how much you might think you are ready now, you need to be comfortable with the thought that you and your boyfriend might not be with each other forever! I lost my virginity to my ex-FIANCE, and it didn't work out.
Second, like it's been said, lubrication! Either make sure you are VERY aroused, using foreplay (foreplay is a NECESSITY, not an option in this case!) or use a water-based lubricant.
Third, loosen up! The shower/bath is your friend. If you aren't comfortable enough to be naked in a well-lit, wet arena, I don't suggest you have sex.
And fourth, to be entirely graphic, lay on top of him with your knees bent ("cowgirl," but with your upper body laying against him. It's a very sweet position!) and use your hand to guide him inside of you. This position will not stretch your hymen too much, will give you as much pleasure as is really possible with the first time, and puts you in total control. Have him position your hips so that if you drop them down, he must stop thrusting. Work a little in at a time, only as much as will NOT hurt! Coax it in little by little.
One time having sex will NOT stretch your virgin genitals to his size. This is an ONGOING process, unless you'd like a nice tear that will FORCE you to go to the doctor.
... or you could listen to housewife's VERY good advice (in retrospect at least) and just wait. Some days, I wish I had.

Somedays, I wish I had wait a bit longer. All I can say is, just make sure your first is somebody you wont regret later on in life.

I was with my first for almost three years, and there were wonderful years.

My first used to finger me alot before we actually had sex. and by the time I did, it didn't hurt at all.

Rigth now, my boyfriend got this huge thing and believe sometimes it hurt still. He has to take his time, little by little and usually make sure I am wet enough or he uses lubricant.

Sex brings a lot of heartache and headaches...make sure you are mentally ready to deal with all of that.