Need a womans point of view on sex...

**Ryncppr** · 03-08-2010 09:09 AM

Sorry ladies but I need an independent view on my situation...

I have been dating a woman for the last 5 months. We are madly in love and two months ago have moved in with each other. We thought since she was staying at my place so often anyways why not. When we first started dating, like all relationships the sex was amazing! It was happenening all the time and we would actually joke saying how we had gone 30 days consecutively having sex. Since about two months ago, roughly once she moved in with me permanately the sex has slowed down drastically. We now have sex probably once a week maybe twice.

I know that my girlfriend loves me and that she enjoys sex but I am so confused. She has had multiple sexual partners in her life time so I know she enjoys it. She has an orgasm everytime we have sex so I know I'm not that bad

. She is currently taking birth control, which she finally found out makes her lose her sex drive, but I don't think that is the only thing.

I am 32 and recently divorced, she is 26 and never been married. When I try to talk to her about how it makes me think she gets upset and says I'm over reacting. I know I would have sex everyday but I feel bad when everything is going great and she just seems not to be turned on by me anymore.

So my main question is... Am I over reacting or should I be worried? This seems to be the only thing we ever argue about and I am sick of making her upset because of high sex drive! Please any advice is welcome and thank you in advance....

**LanaBear** · 03-08-2010 09:29 AM

If your relationship is fine otherwise, really look at the BC issue. It does do horrible horrible things to a woman's sex drive. Been there, done that.

It's one of a few common things in some of these threads.

You both may want to look at non-hormonal BC options to see if that helps at all to start.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-08-2010 09:45 AM

I think there is something that happens to a lot of couples once they move in together that changes the sexual dynamic, at least the frequency.

It may be because when you don't live together, when you see each other, you still seize the moment as you know that your partner won't be with you later... theres a vibe of dating, even in very commited relationship, when you don't live together.

You come over to each others houses when you are made up, feeling good and appreciate each others time all that much more.

I think once it becomes not such an excitement to see one another, it can, for some, lower the urgency of sex... so and so will be there later, ah, I'll do it then... then timing gets thrown off and the other partner is busy.

I think couples that live together, married couples, have to make an effort to keep that excitement alive , that sense of urgency to be with the other and some don't really care to do that, settle in, let it be what it is.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-08-2010 09:49 AM

Wanted to ask you... do you think you have changed in ways since the two of you have started living together? Do you still goo-goo gaga over what she has on for the day, or have you also settled into the 'eh, you know how i feel' zone.

I think while this may have nothing to do with either of you but just timing, schedules and birth control lowering drive.. it wouldn't hurt to make sure to work on the emotional aspects that lead to sex.

I think it was on this very forum that I read a quote from someone that said something that rings true for many and that is : for men, foreplay is the actions taken 15 minutes before sex, and for women, foreplay is the actions taken in the whole 24 hours before sex.

**pretzel** · 03-08-2010 09:50 AM

And if I may add,

day to day routines and issues become less his/hers and ours.

**Ryncppr** · 03-08-2010 01:08 PM

I can honestly say I do everything to make her feel special. I compliment the ways she looks, send her little love notes all the time. I've made my mistakes in my past, hence why I got divorced. I will never fall into that complacent relationship again.

I love her so much and I understand I do want sex all the time, it's just because she is the most amazing person I have ever met. Everytime I look at her I still lose my breath. I know she cares about me too it's just I'm affraid our discussions on not having sex is going to upset her more.

**Rediscovered** · 03-08-2010 02:06 PM

I think part of why women are so much more horny when single and not living with a man is that we get to know ahead of time when sex is going to happen--and therefore, we anticipate, we plan, we primp and we are ready when the time comes.

When you live with someone, you don't get the chance to prepare yourself mentally and physically and I do think a lot of women need that chance.

I think if more couples made "sex night" a priority (and planned it, as un-spontaneous as that may seem) and then used the days and hours leading up to it wisely--lots of non-sexual caressing, sexy talk, sexy texts, etc., it would be easier to keep that flame going.

I also think we women sometimes feel if we give ourselves *too* freely (i.e., every time the man wants it), our men will soon tire of us and start to look elsewhere. That may be a ridiculous thought to have, but I know I used to feel that way when I was married.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-08-2010 05:24 PM

It sounds like u are doing all the right things. It might be the birth control. Was she on it when she still had a higher drive? If not she might want to talk to her doc about another option.

Does she have any new stress at work or with family? A hectic schedule?

Does she get time for herself? A lot of women have trouble making sex a priority when they can't even find 20 minutes a day to run or lay out or read or clear their mind.

I think a person is usually more willing to be giving when they are taking time for themself too.

Its like how can I even think about sex when I haven't even had time unwind type deal.

**Rainbow Rider** · 03-08-2010 07:42 PM

it's just I'm affraid our discussions on not having sex is going to upset her more.

Sounds like you have communication issues. I see that you are both young. If you do not have good communication in a relationship, then you have nothing.

Maybe this is the root of the problem?

**danceintx** · 03-09-2010 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by Ryncppr

I know she cares about me too it's just I'm affraid our discussions on not having sex is going to upset her more.

I can tell you from experience it certainly can. Be very careful how you approach this. If you come at her as if your being argumentative or angry about it, it can make it worse.