Sex life is a mess! Please Help!

**stressed** · 03-21-2010 06:17 AM

Originally Posted by Texasred

I agree with the above: these problems you have are not about sex, they're about communication and ALSO about your own lack of self-confidence. You need to know that your sexuality and sexiness are not defined by your bf, but by you yourself.
He's not "making" you feel ugly or unsexy - that other person in this relationship is...

But how can we expect her confidence to NOT be damaged, when he first hides his problem, they have no sex life and he sends photos to other girls? We can't blame her for this. No matter how confident and sexy she felt in the beginning it's only reasonable that she feels like that now 3 years later. When the only person who's supposed to show you how much attractive he finds you does not do that then you start wondering what's wrong.

**emptypea2001** · 03-28-2010 10:29 AM

Hmm...I've had ed for almost 20 years. It has been more difficult for my wife than for me. Then about five years ago, I stopped being able to ejaculate during intercourse. My wife struggled a lot with both issues; it was difficult for me to be open and truly explain what was going on with my body, probably because I didn't know myself. For a long time I didn't want to admit it was a real problem, but for her it was. When I finally opened up enough to talk about it, it immediately started getting better between us. Talking is the key.

**BeMyBait** · 03-28-2010 02:52 PM

At first it is very easy to feel like you're the root of the problem, but you have to realize and truly understand that you're not.

A lot of guys have a lot of self worth problems when suffering from this condition. Sometimes they hide the problem because they don't want you to know about it in fear that you may leave them and find someone without sexual problems.

I also think that they try to shut off their sexual feelings because it frustrates them just as much as it does us. They want to have sex, but they just can't get their body to react with their mind.

Everyone else is right. Communication is key. It can be hard to talk about at first, but be honest, its not like you guys don't both know something is wrong. I was afraid to have the talk with my SO about the same thing, but bottling all those emotions up was doing more harm than good. I just sucked it up and got it over with and we both felt a lot better afterwards.

The other posters are 100% correct about there being other ways to connect sexually aside from intercourse. This is something the two of you will have to work on together through even more communication.

You'll see that once you open up you'll feel a lot better and it will be easier for you to understand where he's coming from. I'm not excusing his behavior in anyway, but the fact that he's sending pics to other girls is a clear sign that he's suffering from a low self esteem too. Someone else mentioned that "these girls don't know he has ED" and that's exactly what its about. It does suck and it is hurtful, but he's hurting too.

So take that deep breath and have the talk with him. From the way things are sounding things can only get better *hugs*

**danceintx** · 03-28-2010 03:35 PM

Problems in a relationship don't just solve themselves, and you can't solve them on your own either. I agrre with the other posters, he is either got to start opening up and talking about this with you, or nothing will get any better.