Sexually frustrated

**divaprincess** · 03-13-2010 09:14 PM

Hi,
i am 22 years old and have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now. When we first got together everything was amazing sexually. We would have sex about once a week which was fine for the both of us but we would do other sexual activities that are not sex as well and that we would do very frequently. About 3 months into the relationship, his sexual desire and drive almost disappeared! We didnt do anything sexually related for about a month until i finally decided to adress the problem and that i am very frustrated and that i thought he may not be attracted to me anymore and so on. He apologized and said that was so not the case its just that he has been very stressed with work and school (hes an engineer and his getting his phd) and that was the reason why he has been so distant, sexually. He said he would make a change, which he did - for about a week. Durring that week everythig was back to normal and we did have sex but now we have only had sex 1 time in about 6 weeks. Its jot really the lack of sex i am so frustrated with, its the lack of ANYTHING sexual and sensual that i am frustrated with. the thing is, since he pulled back sexually, i started taking the initiative but he'll just back away or if not, i just get tired of always being the one that wants to start things. I dont know what to do now. Should i address it again? I love him very much but this is really starting to bug me to the point where its all i think about that i cant even sleep sometimes. Any advice??

**rcoreyus** · 03-14-2010 02:37 PM

Unfortunately a very common and very sad situation. It sounds like it just doesn't matter much to him, and it does to you. You can probably convince him to have sex more often - at least for a while - but if the basic interest isn't there he will probably drift away again.

His being busy isn't an excuse - as long as you are happy with quick gentle sex - he might be too tired for long wild nights. I worked long hours as a graduate student - in 5 years I only turned my wife down for sex once because I was too tired. (and I initiated very often)

If sex matters a lot to you and not to him, maybe you are not a good match?

**MissMeSha810** · 03-15-2010 07:37 PM

Hey sweets. Not to discourage you, but him being busy isn't an excuse. You say you have only been together for six months and after three the sex has gone to a fizzle? Check the scenery! He may not have time or be too tired to have sex with you because he may be having sex with someone else. Don't get too worried but check out the things around you. Do you live together to know his busy schedule for sure? A man is usually never too tired to have sex with his girl unless he's already had some or he's gay! Sudden change in behavior whether it is mental or sexual throws up a red flag. Be strong sister and look closer at the situation.

**LilahX** · 03-15-2010 09:07 PM

I have to agree with MissMe - at 22 (or any age up to about 60) 99% of guys would rarely knock back sex with a partner. My spin on this is he's 'just not that into you'. Sorry.

If things went sour after just 3 months then I don't really see how or why they would improve. At that early stage you should be at it like rabbits. If you're not it's a sure sign that other things aren't what they should be.

**Mes T** · 03-15-2010 09:20 PM

Oh girls... You really think that lack of sex in that situation could mean he's not interested in HER or is unfaithful? That didn't even cross my mind... I figured some men just weren't interested in sex, just like some women aren't.

**jns** · 03-15-2010 09:50 PM

Getting an advanced degree can be extremely stressful. Basically, the only way to do it is to live and breathe the subject 24/7/365 for a year or more. Especially in a technical subject like engineering. If you want the result of his studies, hang around. The stress levels on him are unbelievable. He probably doesn't want to hold a conversation that isn't about his studies, let alone have sex. Negotiate well spaced time periods to be intimate. Place them after he hits the mileposts that are required for his dissertation.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-15-2010 10:01 PM

I'd venture to guess he needs more than one ejaculation in 6 weeks... so he's likely masturbating. If he's taking care of his needs with masturbation, he might not be as inclined to inniciate sex with you.

It could be a little bit of timing, and a little bit of selfishness, if you don't spend a lot of time together in the day ... he may just want it when you aren't around and take care of his needs on his own then when you are there and ready... eh, he's tired , doesn't want to put forth the effort.

If he's not masturbating and is genuinly only interested and arroused once every couple of months he should be getting his testosterone checked as something may be wrong?

Is he affectionate and loving still? Is everything else in the relationship going okay?

**Texasred** · 03-15-2010 10:41 PM

Originally Posted by jns

Getting an advanced degree can be extremely stressful. Basically, the only way to do it is to live and breathe the subject 24/7/365 for a year or more. Especially in a technical subject like engineering. If you want the result of his studies, hang around. The stress levels on him are unbelievable. He probably doesn't want to hold a conversation that isn't about his studies, let alone have sex. Negotiate well spaced time periods to be intimate. Place them after he hits the mileposts that are required for his dissertation.

I disagree.
I have an advanced degree, and it's in engineering, so I know a little bit about it. And I can tell you, I NEVER turned down sex, even when it meant getting up afterwards and going back to the books for the rest of the night.
Something isn't right here.
Warning flag number one was their having sex only once a week from the first.
I can't think of a new relationship I've ever been in where once a day was enough!
Even now, and I'm a lot older than 22.
- TR

**jns** · 03-15-2010 10:54 PM

I know I get very single-minded when I focus for something. In a few months I'll be studying for my PE in a subject slightly sideways of my degree, after 28 years out of engineering school, and I expect I'll be that way if I don't pace myself. I obviously didn't have enough sex when I went to school, so I didn't really confront that subject head-on. I like sex several times a week and can go at it every day if given the chance. Erectile dysfunction does have it's limitations, though. Sometimes it is only giving.

**MissMeSha810** · 03-16-2010 12:14 PM

Well hey, if you reminded him before and he realized the problem and fixed it, try reminding him again.Check his schedule and set up a time where he can walk in an find you butt naked on the couch...he'll remember then!!! I didn't mean for you to hire a P I but it's just an option to look into to make sure he's not dipping his chocolate in someone else's peanut butter! LOL My man can't walk past me without making a pass at me but I forget sometimes that every man is different. He may not realize that '! has it been that long?' Good luck sweets and remember, if his mind is so stuck on the train track of books, try pulling the lever and switching the tracks back over to your bootie!!! LOL

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