Thread: Premature question

How and when you say it matters. She seems so fragile and probably has so much insecurity.

1. You said she doesn't like being on top but she is still giving you directions... maybe she wants you to take over especially since you know what she likes/what makes her orgasm, and just hasn't told you? What would she do if you put her on the bed and did it all your way for once (gently, but firm that you were in charge)? Do you think that she would be turned on by it, or just turned off more? Occasionally I'm not really feeling like initiating, but if my guy initiates and does his thing, I'll LOVE the sex. It depends on her attitude though and you don't want to force her if she's set against it.
2. Has she seen a doctor about her lack of sex drive? It seems like this is a recent change in your relationship so it's natural that you're worried about your performance. It's awesome that you want to please her but from personal experience I can say that no amount of my guy wanting to please me will turn me on if I'm not in the mood for it. He can lick and finger all he wants; if I don't want it, it's just uncomfortable - the exact opposite of what you want to do! It's possible that she's letting you have sex with her and trying to draw it out because she feels obligated to not only have sex but to make it last a little while and have an orgasm just to please you, whether or not you ejaculate early. If this is the case, you seem to be taking it the wrong way - yes, she's doing it her way but if she's doing it against her inclination (she may just want to cuddle and fall asleep) then she is sacrificing her desires to meet yours, just as much as you are sacrificing by letting her dictate the positions you're in.
3. You say she's not even getting wet unless you add saliva - is she on a hormonal birth control? They can really dry you out (I know - I've been there!). This is especially worrying if she really did like sex before and has suddenly stopped being interested. It seems that all relationships have some drop-off in sex after a while but she should have some interest still... either there is some real miscommunication going on where she is feeling pressured or unappreciated by you at the same time you're not feeling useful, or she is also suffering some physical problem that may be caused by stress, birth control, or other life changes that you may not have thought were a big deal.

You're gonna have to sit down and talk about this, and try to hear her side of it without getting too frustrated, which is going to be really, really tough. I can tell you're trying very hard and are very frustrated (and I'm sorry I replied harshly to you in another thread - I didn't read this one, and didn't realize you were having so many issues with your girl ). Hopefully you can work this out and figure out why she's less interested and whether there is anything you can do to help her!

Ok, I hope you haven't given up yet. From a man who had this problem (PE). Mine developed in my late 20s and after I got married. I had this strange belief that if you are married, you can sex anytime you want so there is no need to masturbate. In reality, our sex went from 3 or 4 times per week to once or less (jobs, family etc). Still, I didn't masturbate in between but had a very high sex drive and fantasized constantly. When we finally did have sex, I wanted to do everything I'd been thinking about; make her cum a zillion times etc etc, but what would happen is that almost as soon as there was sexual contact, I would blow my load; never getting a chance to even enter her.
This also put her in control, it was my problem always wanting sex, always wanting her to get off and make me get off. It was warping my mind and our relationship.
I did my research and reflected a lot. The plan I came up with worked beautifully. I started masturbating 3-4 times per week (this way I didn't care if we had sex or not - I wanted to, but it wasn't a biological imperative) and when I did masturbate, I took my time, that is - tried to reach a high excitement level several times before ejaculating. This means taking yourself almost to the point of no return, then reducing or stopping stimulation by contracting your pelvic floor muscles - holding back the cum (sometimes a little will come out). Once you get to the level of 3 or 4 'almost orgasms', the final is unbelievable.
This should clear up you PE and as importantly - will put you into a mental state of not needing sex from your partner constantly - just being with her as a partner. Finally, as she sees this in you, she will be the one to initiate sex and voila' -you will be able to last as long as you and she want.

Originally Posted by emptypea2001

Ok, I hope you haven't given up yet. From a man who had this problem (PE). Mine developed in my late 20s and after I got married. I had this strange belief that if you are married, you can sex anytime you want so there is no need to masturbate. In reality, our sex went from 3 or 4 times per week to once or less (jobs, family etc). Still, I didn't masturbate in between but had a very high sex drive and fantasized constantly. When we finally did have sex, I wanted to do everything I'd been thinking about; make her cum a zillion times etc etc, but what would happen is that almost as soon as there was sexual contact, I would blow my load; never getting a chance to even enter her.
This also put her in control, it was my problem always wanting sex, always wanting her to get off and make me get off. It was warping my mind and our relationship.
I did my research and reflected a lot. The plan I came up with worked beautifully. I started masturbating 3-4 times per week (this way I didn't care if we had sex or not - I wanted to, but it wasn't a biological imperative) and when I did masturbate, I took my time, that is - tried to reach a high excitement level several times before ejaculating. This means taking yourself almost to the point of no return, then reducing or stopping stimulation by contracting your pelvic floor muscles - holding back the cum (sometimes a little will come out). Once you get to the level of 3 or 4 'almost orgasms', the final is unbelievable.
This should clear up you PE and as importantly - will put you into a mental state of not needing sex from your partner constantly - just being with her as a partner. Finally, as she sees this in you, she will be the one to initiate sex and voila' -you will be able to last as long as you and she want.

i tried the masturbating thing and it doesnt work for me, altho i have noticed that abstaining from masturbation just makes it worse cuz im so horny by the time i do have sex. So i do make sure i masturbate at least a few times a week. I never just masturbate wuickly tho i usually doit for a long time like u said cuz ive heard that theory before. hasnt worked for me tho. i really dont think its mental anymore, its like an unstoppable force no matter how relaxed i am i have to come. It seems like early on im fine the first 30 seconds or so, then when she seems to be getting into it and enjoying it i feel her get tighter and i gotta ask her to stop or else i blow my load. do girls contract as they start enjoiying it? i thought that only happened during orgasms. i dont know if its an oversensitive penis, pressure from my prostate or something, or just my stupid head. wish i could figure it out. the other night it was going so well i was on top and she just looked like she was enjoyign it so much and wanted me to really give it to her, and then of course i gotta stop and start again over and over. its depressing that i cant give her wat she wants.

Try masturbating the same day, an hour or so before sex with her. Might work. One time, I was just finishing masturbating, when my girlfriend came to my door and immediately wanted sex. I was able to perform and get off - surpised me, but I was only about 26 at the time.

Originally Posted by emptypea2001

Try masturbating the same day, an hour or so before sex with her. Might work. One time, I was just finishing masturbating, when my girlfriend came to my door and immediately wanted sex. I was able to perform and get off - surpised me, but I was only about 26 at the time.

Yea im 29 now, im not sure i can do that anymore. I used to be able to up to like 25, maybe 26 now it seems i dont recover as fast. Its like hit or miss, soemtimes i can get just as hard other times its like i can barely get an erection if masturbate about an hr or so before. I guess its true bout a mans sexual peak being age 18. I usually dont masturbate if im gonna see her that night, maybe i should try doin it in the morning so it leaves alot of time.

I would so not reccomend masturbating within an hour of a sexual encounter with her. If you add erection difficulties to the stress of premature ejaculation you are just setting yourself and her up for failure.

Try the morning of the encounter giving yourself several hours inbetween and if you have difficulties to get an erection I'd go back to backing off doing that on days of seeing her all together.