Left him for a week and now he skips sex

**stressed** · 03-23-2010 06:57 AM

Well, long story short, I had to be away for a week due to a serious family matter. 3 days before my arrival he tells me on the phone that I shouldn't expect any sex on my arrival because he's going to be tired from work, but we might be able to do something. 2 days before the arrival I try to flirt with him with texts and he just laughs at them.

I arrive last night, he admits to having masturbated twice and not to porn ("it just happened") and that I could have done the same if I wanted to. He asks for oral but tells me not to expect anything for myself as he's too tired, but also understands if I don't want to do it. He was supposed to be dead tired the whole previous week, but claimed that masturbating doesn't take any energy, yet, when I'm home he's too tired for anything during the weekdays and goes to bed awfully early.

Am I wrong to be annoyed? Instead of planning something for us he had all the fun by himself and was too tired to even touch me. I can bet you my right arm that if he hadn't been masturbating we'd both have a great time, as it had been lately when he didn't. I told him he's selfish and he said I only look for reasons to fight. We both know that I'm the one with the higher sex drive, but, hey, who cares, right? Maybe I should just find my own means of satisfaction instead and ignore his all together. I thought he had changed, but why would he.

You just can't leave a man by himself for over a day. Men are in love with their penises.

**Millania** · 03-23-2010 07:11 AM

I would be super annoyed, so is he not willing to work with you and give you sex a few times a week? I mean if he has the energy to stroke his own, why cant he give you sex? I just dont understand some men, OK so I understand that masturbation maybe an easier release but this is crazy. You have needs to u know? I cant believe he would choose this over you. how was your sex life before you left? good? I just dont understand why some men would rather touch themselves than get full on penetration, it just boggles my mind, I hope that you 2 can work something out, because what he is doing to you is not fair

**WildChild** · 03-23-2010 07:21 AM

Interesting that he set up the self expectation several days ahead of time, that he would be too tired, but he is very graciously willing to allow you to pleasure him.

**stressed** · 03-23-2010 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by Millania

I would be super annoyed, so is he not willing to work with you and give you sex a few times a week?

A few times a week? I'm happy it has changed to once every week...

Originally Posted by Millania

I mean if he has the energy to stroke his own, why cant he give you sex?

Because he claims that masturbation doesn't require any energy. I have explained to him numerous times that he doesn't have to give me the full package, a hand would do, but nope. Apparently and despite my small size, I am "too much effort" anyway.

Originally Posted by Millania

I just dont understand some men, OK so I understand that masturbation maybe an easier release but this is crazy. You have needs to u know? I cant believe he would choose this over you. how was your sex life before you left? good? I just dont understand why some men would rather touch themselves than get full on penetration, it just boggles my mind, I hope that you 2 can work something out, because what he is doing to you is not fair

I told him he doesn't care about my needs and I feel stupid for waiting the whole week and all he said was "you do get it twice a week some times" and "you get it in the weekends"... And that I fight as soon as I get home, I've changed, I'm not happy etc etc etc. My problem is that I thought I'd feel wanted by my man but obviously was beaten by masturbation. He makes it out as if I'm against masturbation. Well, when it effects my sex life then, yes, I am. Unless he expects me to deal with it by myself and he thinks that's the normal thing to do. Jesus...

Originally Posted by WildChild

Interesting that he set up the self expectation several days ahead of time, that he would be too tired, but he is very graciously willing to allow you to pleasure him.

That's what annoyed me the most and when I KNEW he had done it several times. To say on a Saturday you're going to be too tired on Monday "because he knows he's always tired on weekdays" (yet he had his fun last week on weekdays) is simply upsetting. And to ask for oral on top of it all, well, no, thanks. Now he says he's never going to ask again. I don't care, I may not have a penis but I have needs too. He can masturbate if he wants instead, I really don't care right now. I'm not an object, I do have some dignity left.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-23-2010 10:12 AM

If a guy has a high enough drive that he isn't able to restrain himself from masturbating to porn... it would lead me to believe that if they didn't masturbate, no matter how 'tired' from work they were.... they'd pull the energy out of their rear to find for sexual relations because they'd be driven to it.

But of course if they are already sexually satisfied, why would they fish for the energy to provide you with sex when they are tired.

Its a very selfish situation. Unfortunately I cannot say I've never been there.

I'd never cheat on my boyfriend, its just not in my nature. And masturbation only fills half of my needs that sex fills. My own orgasm is only 50% of what satisfies me from sex the other half is pleasing my partner.

So if he made me feel unwanted more than he made me feel wanted I'd have to re evaluate if I could be happy in the relationship.

If my guy was genuinly too tired for sex, I'd never leave him over that. If his drive was lower, never would the thought enter my mind to end a relationship because of it. I love him with all my heart.

But if he were to on a continuous basis choose avenues like porn/masturbation, knowing full well it will take away from his drive to be with me I'd have to take it for exactly what it is. That he just doesn't value what I do for him as much as I value what he does for me. And from that point would have to figure out if I could be happy with that.

I think the fact that you were away... does lend it self to some degree of fairness in him pulling the wank card while he couldn't have you. But the least he could do his save up some pent up energy in the day before you were coming home to make you feel as desired and wanted of a woman as you need to feel from him.

Him asking for oral but not wanting to please you after you spent the same week without sex that he did does reek to high heck of selfishness. You spent every day a way thinking of him, missing him, wanting sex with him and to come home to honey you can blow me , sorry thats all I have the energy for is both insulting, hurtful.

If he had thought for one minute about how that sounded I'm sure he wouldnt have said it. From an objective stand point it was a self-centered request, and as insulting as throwing a dog a used bone... like here... take this, it should be enough to make you happy. Well its not.

I hope he gets his act together and realize that you have needs too, and part of those needs include feeling desired by the one you love.

**Greydog72** · 03-23-2010 10:17 AM

Originally Posted by Millania

I would be super annoyed, so is he not willing to work with you and give you sex a few times a week? I mean if he has the energy to stroke his own, why cant he give you sex? I just dont understand some men. I just dont understand why some men would rather touch themselves than get full on penetration, it just boggles my mind

I don't understand either...

Stressed: Amazing how simular but different our lifes are. Hope everything works out for you.

**stressed** · 03-23-2010 10:44 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I think the fact that you were away... does lend it self to some degree of fairness in him pulling the wank card while he couldn't have you. But the least he could do his save up some pent up energy in the day before you were coming home to make you feel as desired and wanted of a woman as you need to feel from him.

I understand the "I was unavailable" part of it, I thought of doing the same too as all I was thinking of was when I'd come back and how great it would be and told him so on the phone (he didn't sound equally excited about that), but I thought it would be so much better if I'd wait and just plan. Of course, he took the easy way of "well, you weren't here, you could have done it too", but he forgets that even when I am 'here' I only get 'something' on the weekend. Weekdays are just for his wishes because "he's tired from work".

And, okay, even if I accept the fact that he couldn't do otherwise (while he told me just a week ago, that he does have erections often but doesn't act on them because he's tired - yet he acted on them while I was away, what a coincidence -) I was at least expecting, if not sex, then some kind of intimacy, not to be asked for oral over a cigarette "because it's been some time". I'm not a prostitute. I've left him a few messages, see how it continues tonight...

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

If he had thought for one minute about how that sounded I'm sure he wouldnt have said it. From an objective stand point it was a self-centered request, and as insulting as throwing a dog a used bone... like here... take this, it should be enough to make you happy. Well its not.

This is what I've tried to explain in the messages, but I doubt he'll realize it right away. His reaction was childish. He doesn't understand it and I'm so tired over talking about the same things with him...
And it's exactly how it felt, as if he threw a bone and said there, you'll get to do something, I did my part and you're overreacting over nothing. It doesn't work like that, I don't have a switch that's on whenever he has an erection. And even if I "pretend" that I do, by never saying no, I hardly get half of this back, so why continue saying yes for, it's against me. Right now I have no will to have sex in any form and all the week's built-up has vanished. I want no leftovers...

**WildChild** · 03-23-2010 11:14 AM

Later he'll be wondering why you aren't interested anymore.
Sigh

**stressed** · 03-23-2010 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Later he'll be wondering why you aren't interested anymore.
Sigh

He better start wondering that now, as I'm not...

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-23-2010 11:49 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Later he'll be wondering why you aren't interested anymore.
Sigh

My thoughts exactly.

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