Curious about her fantasy

**markrad1975** · 03-25-2010 01:22 PM

We've been married 13 years. Always faithful to each other. We have a good sex life, she uses toys, oral, etc. No problem there. We went to a Swingers Club once (did nothing) just checked it out.
We done the strip club scene which she enjoys.
She has this fantasy of me doing another women. I guess I find it strange in that it is usually the man who has these types of fantasies about the wife.
When we are engaged, she will say "show me how you would F... that woman in the market" or the "waitress at the bar."
And then as we continue she wants me to do her as if I were doing someone else.
Any ideas what is going on in her head? Help appreciated. She won't say and I'm just trying to figure her out.
Oh, she has told me on several occasions, particularly after an encounter such as the one described above that "I really want to see you f... another woman. It would really turn me on."
Usually if brought up again the next day she will say something like "I was just kidding" or something like that.
I'm not bothered by this, but it just kind of freaks me out.
Is she seriously considering a third or am I imagining things?
Would love to hear from anyone, but especially women on this one.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-25-2010 01:33 PM

I think she is serious but because you aren't taking it seriously and entering into a discussion over it, (probably because you think she's testing you), that she backs out with "just kidding"...

It seems you have an adventurous relationship to a degree but a loyal one, one on one that maybe she wants to expand on.

The problem is, does this open the door for you to let her 2 men and her, you being one of them later?

I would be talking to her and saying, you know, that's always a guys fantasy and 2 men and a woman, a woman's fantasy, but once you bring it to the table, sometimes, it breaks a relationship as jealousy etc can enter, or the knowledge that someone else has been with your partner, I kind of think some fantasies should be left as that.

**markrad1975** · 03-25-2010 01:40 PM

Thanks for the thought.
I should add that we do the fantasy thing and she will sit on a dildo while we do oral or she will do oral on a toy while I penetrate her doggy style.
We do have a very close relationship but some things she just will not let go and discuss for more than a few seconds or just gives a very short response and parses words, so again.....perhaps you are right.....maybe she does want to try to explore a little more.
Sorry I forgot to add the above (toys etc) to my orgininal posting.
Can you see more clearly?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-25-2010 01:50 PM

Yessum

Sounds then as if she is not adverse to trying different things, she has had the opportunity to experience a form of double, and has fantasized about seeing you have that feeling perhaps.

As I said, If your open minded, and your trust your partner, and there is no jealousy, then seeing him penetrate another women isn't an issue, if in front of you...

So, if you have a very close relationship, ask her what the other woman looks like in her mind, and talk to her more about it, pointing out that it's her fantasy not yours.

**Mia Rose** · 03-25-2010 02:28 PM

I'd say fantasizing is a very healthy part of sexuality - and can add a lot of spice. Acting those fantasies out is different though; it only works if both partners are willing and comfortable to experiment. Your best bet is to talk openly about your feelings and perceptions and investigate what is really going on for her. Just be warm and open in your discussion - make it safe for her to tell you what her needs, wants, fears are. Then you can decide together how you would like to proceed.

Warm wishes,

**rcoreyus** · 03-25-2010 03:17 PM

Sounds like she has this fantasy - maybe wants to do it in reality, maybe not.

You could try role-playing. Let her buy a wig, wear different clothes, and call her by a different name - let her pretend to be the other woman. Might help fulfill her fantasy without getting another person involved.

**Faerunner** · 03-26-2010 07:26 AM

This is a fantasy I've occasionally had and shared with my fiance, but we are letting it stay fantasy for now. We do enjoy pointing out girls that we'd both agree to, and we discussed an ex of his but that's as far as it got. He is worried that he'd get jealous if another guy was involved, and I'm just worried that it would turn out to be a lot less interesting and a lot more messy/awkward with 3 bodies in one bed! In my experience sex is a lot of teamwork, and adding another person to the team can screw things up, unless everyone is very open about rules and play styles before, during and after.

Still it's nice to have the fantasy, and if you wife is considering a third I'd talk to her about it. You say you feel 'weird' but not completely turned off or uncomfortable. Bring up a few questions about it, and if she shuts you down with the 'just kidding', wait a week and try again next time she mentions it.

Some things to consider:
Would you be willing to try it for real? Would she? Does she want to be involved, or just watch? Does she want this to be an ongoing thing, or a one-night stand? Would you pick a couple, or a single lady? Where and how will you find the other person, and what is involved in getting ready? Will you do it at home, in a hotel or other spot? There are a lot of resources on swingers and open relationships out there that cover these bases and more. If you can't get her to talk, maybe you can "coincidentally" find a website that discusses it, and email it to her or leave it in your browser so that she can approach the subject at her own pace.

It may be that the fantasy is enough for her, and that if it becomes reality she will lose interest... or if you're into it as well, you may be opening the door to a whole new world. Good luck either way, and be safe!

**pretzel** · 03-26-2010 07:35 AM

I think this is a fantasy that she may or may not necessarily want to live out. It's possible, but as has been discussed here on a few occaisons, it's not something that should be taken lightly if it's a fantasy that she wants fulfilled.

**BeMyBait** · 03-26-2010 07:49 AM

It is possible that its a fantasy of yours and I agree with all the above posters on how you should talk about it to be sure. The idea of it may just be hot to her. Actually doing it could create big problems if she isn't ready.

I mainly wanted to add that maybe she's doing it for your sake. Perhaps she might think it gives you something more If you're thinking of that hot chick from earlier. Maybe it makes you perform better or in a less inhibited manner since its not your wife that you're thinking of.

Some guys have a Madonna/Wh*re complex where they are less dirty with the mother of their children than they would be with someone you'd hook up with just for sex. Not saying you do, but you never know, us women think crazy things! Especially in the moment. Just a thought.

Definitely talk about it. Sounds like fun either way!

**LilahX** · 03-31-2010 07:37 PM

Definitely talk more about it to see if she does want to take it any further. My partner and I are swingers and we both get very aroused both talking about and actually watching each other with other people. Many find it hard to understand, but it's something that is totally separate from our emotional feelings for each other. It doesn'ts detract at all from the lovemaking we hve together, but it adds another dimension.

Also, how would you feel about her being with someone else? Perhaps she's waiting for you to say you'd be turned on by her doing the same thing. My personal philosophy is 'what's good ford the goose ....' and that introducing another person into a fantasy should never be done unless the option is there for both partners. That only breeds resentment.

Talk to her. Find out what's going on in her head. Make her feel secure enough to be totally honest without you judging her or having a negative response to something she may suggest.