Thread: Need Opinion's on this one

1) what do you think of this relationship at 13 with BF #1. What was really going on? Was it more than I described? Again, it was abuse to some degree I am sure.

Even if the kissing and teaching her to masturbate were the only things that happened, the age difference alone makes that an abusive relationship. While she says she 'loved' him, Its pretty obvious she didn't understand that she was being abused. There is no reason to think anymore happened than what she said did.

2) Same with BF #2. Did he pop her virginity?

Maybe, maybe not. She admitted she attempted to have sex with him, it didn't work. I've known a couple girls that experienced similiar, one even bled a little during the attmpt but still bled again when she had sex again a year later, so it was probably only a partial hymen tear. Which one gets credit for planting the flag? Who know. Who cares. Not belitttling your concern... but its really something that wouldn't make much a difference.

Its very plausible that full penetration did not occur. A lot of women back out on the first few attempts at losing their virginity and don't fully succeed with the act.

3) Based on what I have written do you think that she has had cum in her mouth before?

You have been with her so many years, you guys have an open sexual life... I see no reason why you would think it odd her asking you to do that. And no... not all women run screaming at the first taste of cum, even their first time.

My boyfriend is the very first man I've ever had cum in my mouth and I inniciated it, and enjoyed the experience even on my very first time.

4) Do you think she tried anal before, perhaps when married? I've heard Middle-Eastern men prefer anal?

Not all women react the same way to anal. Even on their first time. For some women who have had anal in the past... they then later mentally freeze up and it hurts to much for them to attempt later. For some that have never had it, it goes in with little discomfort the very first time.

There is no cherry to pop there, and its a very active passage way. It also dialates to let things out/in... then later contracts back to normal. Having anal 20 years ago, even if she did, would not make anal sex easier now. After a couple days after having had anal it may as well be that you didn't have it as your behind returns to its pre-anal sex state.
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I've got ask why you are so concerned after 20 years together with what she did as a young teenager? It sounds like she has been open enough she even talked about the guy being too big, not fitting, being taught to masturbate by the other guy etc... it sounds like she is telling you way more and in way more detail than a lot of women would feel comfortable.

It sounds like you just aren't satisfied with what she is telling you, thinking there is more. There probably isn't anymore. And if there was it might be something painful to recall. Something that could take her to an emotionally damaged place. She sounds happy, well-adjusted and in love with you... FOR TWENTY YEARS. Anything else that happened was TWO decades ago.... you might want to just enjoy her for the loving wife and sexual woman that she is and not focus on insignificant encounters from when she wasn't even old enough to make proper decisions for sex in the first place.

Why are you so curious about her past? What good does it make to your current relationship? Unless there is some sort of trauma that you think you need to know in order to help her heal, I'd reckon you let go of anything about her past that she is not ready to share to you. Women are in general much more emotional than most men. You have to tread carefully.

she still will not talk about it other than what I am writing here and if it ever comes up(which it hasn't now for years) she gets very angry.

It sounds to me like this is still a painful subject with her, and when you push her to bring it up she gets defensive. So, why would you want to cause her pain about her past? She was young and had no control of what happened to her. The world can be quite cruel to many people, and it is cruel to try to force her to talk about these things.

After 20 years, you really should just let it go. If someone tried to push me about my past I would be very hurt and resentful, and not trust them!!! If YOU have so many issues with her past, then this is YOUR problem. Maybe counseling will help you address your own personal issues that somehow relate to your wifes past? Just a thought.

I can see that you think it's unfair that she's "hiding" so much from you. Honestly, I'd be miffed too if I gave out all that info and didn't get much in return. Still, like others have said she may be hiding it for a very good reason. Getting too curious almost never ends well.

If you two have been together for this long, you must have a pretty good thing going. I know your curiosity may never go away, but if she is really that defensive about her history, perhaps you can withhold the questions for a later time? She may realize she was abused and be ashamed; she may be telling you the truth and simply be embarrassed over her "failures" (either failing to lose her virginity, or failing to keep it depending which side she's looking at), her lack of experience, etc. She may just worry that her full past would scare you away - skeletons in the closet ought to stay there.

I really hope that you can settle this between yourselves. Does she know how curious you are, and why? Can she articulate why she does not want to tell you? Maybe you can sit down and have a quiet, unhurried discussion in which you don't push and pry but simply ask her to give you a reason that she won't tell you about her past. If she can give even one answer that should be enough to keep you from prying. Otherwise, maybe you two could talk about or see a counselor to discuss privacy concerns and sharing of information in relationships.

I haven't shared everything I've done with my current fiance - he knows most of it, and that's enough. He doesn't share everything with me, either. There are topics I don't tread on, and that's that. He has opened up more, in time... as I learned to back off, he's come forward. But we don't try to push because we know it just ends up in fighting, and one or both of us sulking.

After 20 years it still matters to you?! Sorry to be harsh, but you both need to let the past go. Who cares about who did what with who soooo long ago. If you're happy now, and trust each other, it shouldn't even enter your mind.

My first thought before I got to the last part of your post was, "I'm sensing some major jealous/control issues". You think she's fibbing, and maybe she is, but you can't let it go...to the point that you're dwelling on it, to the point it's occupying your thoughts.

Maybe she doesn't want to talk about it because it's her past. Maybe she cares more about the present and future. And maybe she knows your jealous tendencies and knows what makes you tick.......therefore withholds some information about her past that she feels you may not let go of, especially if she gave you a hard time about your past.

The simple fact that after receiving oral from her, you're analyzing her every move and trying to come to a conclusion as to how those things relate to her past.......is a bit sad and quite an indication of more serious issues.

Somethings majorly wrong here.......and it has nothing to do with her past sexual experiences.

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

My first thought before I got to the last part of your post was, "I'm sensing some major jealous/control issues". You think she's fibbing, and maybe she is, but you can't let it go...to the point that you're dwelling on it, to the point it's occupying your thoughts.

Maybe she doesn't want to talk about it because it's her past. Maybe she cares more about the present and future. And maybe she knows your jealous tendencies and knows what makes you tick.......therefore withholds some information about her past that she feels you may not let go of, especially if she gave you a hard time about your past.

The simple fact that after receiving oral from her, you're analyzing her every move and trying to come to a conclusion as to how those things relate to her past.......is a bit sad and quite an indication of more serious issues.

Somethings majorly wrong here.......and it has nothing to do with her past sexual experiences.

I must digress. Thanks for your response. i really do appreciate it. I would not conclude anything is seriously wrong. we have been together over 20 years, and yes, I am a little hurt in that she constantly badgered me for all the details of my past. Now that was when we began seeing one another and I did not hold back on her. That said, she would constantly use it against me when we would argue for years.
Over time, after we married (maybe she became more mature) she did stop doing that for which I am appreciative.
I just feel that if it was good for the gander, it should be good for the goose.
I don't feel that based on the info I provided in my post (which is darn near verbatim) that she has leveled with me.
It does bother me when for example when she says something like "I want you to cum in my mouth. I've never done that before" or "you're the first whom I've done anal with" when it doesn't take Columbo to figure from her past statements and reactions that it is probably not true.
I was a jealous guy some 20 years ago. Not any more and would never complain or argue over this subject.
I just do not want to be lied to. It makes me feel foolish.
Last point: When we met and for almost 12 years she always professed this virginity thing at marriage to me. It wasn't until about 2 years into our marriage that she even brought up BF#2 and told me about him.
I did know about the ex-husband and the first BF when she was 13 but not the other.
I guess I only want her to be as honest with me as I have been with her with respect to her past relationships.
Wouldn't bother me a bit to know.

Well I am very glad you responded, as it does give a view point from you that seems quite less obsessive. I get what you're saying, no one wants to be lied to. Some women think it's a turn on to guys to think they're the "first" at one thing or another. 1. MAYBE you are the first or 2. Maybe she thinks that will make you feel good if she says it, even if it's not true or 3. She's a downright dirty scoundrel of a liar. And I'm PRETTY sure considering you married her and have remained with her for 20 years, number 3 is false.

She more than likely was tapped in the butt. I am almost certain from the way your described that suppossed "First" encounter there. So?

Please know that this is not from a womans perspective. There are LOTS of women who have been married for years and have never tried anal. Her reaction to the experience with you seemed consistent with the way you describe her personality. She didn't make a big deal of it, and that was that. I've done it, and I don't recall making a big deal of it either, and certainly wouldn't have even CONSIDERED telling my fella the dirty details that came along after it. To him I made it look like "no big deal". Because that's what we women do alot of times to keep from taking away from your enjoyment. Same with oral, gagging in front of you? Well, some women would look at that like "this is part of him, and I don't want to gag in front of him because it will take away from his enjoyment". There have been times I've done EVERYTHING possible to keep from gagging because I didn't want to make the guy feel bad. And her asking you to do it in her mouth? You don't think it's possible a guy has never done that before? Sure it's possible. It's also possible that she has heard that guys like to be asked to do that...and perhaps she is saying that to make you more excited?

Just tell her nicely that you don't care if you're her first at this or that....and you'd really rather not focus on that. She needs to understand that by her saying those things, it causes you to then over analyze every move she makes to determine whether or not she's telling the truth.

You willingly talked to her about your past, she gave you a hard time about it (almost 20 years ago I assume). But just because you told her about yours, doesn't mean she's required to tell you hers. And even though you told her your past doesn't mean you told her the truth...so realistically, she could be doing the same thing to you, "I remember you said bla bla bla happened with your ex #2 but when we just had sex a few minutes ago you did bla bla bla that proves that wasn't true!!!!" Sort of sounds silly coming from that perspective huh?

Leave it alone.....no detective, no lawyer, no expert on sex, not ANYONE including yourself is going to be able to prove your suspicions. They may be true, they may be false, they may be nowhere near what ACTUALLY happened, they may be exactly what happened............ but you love her, she clearly wants to make you happy....so let the past be just that.