Thread: Cheating on husband constantly

What you are doing is wrong, and some part of your consciousness knows this otherwise you wouldn't be here.

The world is not simply black and white. You cheating on your husband does not mean you don't love him. Love him? In love with him? That's not the case here.

I've studied case files such as these, normal women who (for example) who love their husbands, who wake up, go to work, come home, have a good sex life, go to bed. In other words, a normal life. Pleased in their life, satisfied, and generally happy all these women were. Yet they still went out to cheat.

It's a simple case of, you are addicted to sex. Have you had sex with your husband, truly great sex that make your eyes roll to the back of your head? Truly great sex that makes you not want to get out of bed for days? Or at least good sex that completely satisfied your hunger for at least that day?

If you answered yes then you may actually have a problem. Sex addiction. No matter how much you receive, or how good it is, you always need more. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain.

Maybe it's all the psychology classes i've been taking for the last couple of years talking here and i'm just looking too much into it. But what I see here sounds to me like it could be an addiction.

Whether it is or not, you need to do two things and only two things;

1> Talk to your husband, tell him what has been happening. Leave the details out, don't tell him who or where or how many you have been with. No good comes from that and only makes things worse for him. Usually through anger they will want to know who, this often leads to a destructive path.

What happens here is up to him. But if he is willing to get help, then go to step 2;

2> See a counselor with AND without him. Meaning, go on a regular basis with him, but have separate schedules for yourself. There may be things you can't freely admit while he's present, things that could manifest themselves while you're alone.

With a counselor you may find the root of your problem.

Keep in mind, none of this is an excuse. You can't claim you're sick so you're not guilt free. The moment you started cheating, or had decided to, you were guilty of not controlling this or at least trying to seek help.

Whatever you're husband decides, you go from there. I hope everything works out for you two.

how long have you been married?

I know you said you aren't a sex addict but this is seriously what it sounds like to me. What you described to me is either a sex addiction, or histrionic personality disorder. Even people is horribly awful marriages don't need a new partner on a regular basis.

Ouch, there's a lot of "you must not love him" going on here! It's entirely possible to love multiple people, especially if you don't love all of them the same way! Having a companion AND a lover has been popular among some cultures since the beginning of time and just because our culture puts strict limits on "acceptable" relationships doesn't mean human nature is going to comply. Yes, it's true that most of us enjoy monogamous relationships and can exercise the willpower to stick to them, but I think most of us will admit to at least fantasizing about someone else after entering a relationship. Variety is the spice of life, especially in the bedroom!

I love my fiance very, very much. I am in love with him and I enjoy his presence both in and out of the bedroom, in both a sexual and non-sexual way. I have also cheated on him once, and occasionally entertain fantasies (which I am keeping as fantasies...) of liaisons with other people. I was open about it and it damaged the relationship for a while but we were able to work through it. We still love each other, and I've since established why I cheated and have been able to avoid similar temptation. You may be able to do the same.

If it's the actual physical sex you crave, I suggest seeking out toys that you enjoy and masturbating as much as you like. Masturbation isn't a perfect substitute but it will satisfy the cravings for a short time while your husband is away. It's possible to get dildos in any shape, size and color you want, if you wish to fantasize about other men.

If you crave the excitement, have you thought about encouraging your husband to engage in sexual activity somewhere.... "dangerous"? Getting caught is clearly a risk with illicit relationships, and if that excites you, you may enjoy sex in the car, at the park, etc with your husband. Naturally, you'll want to avoid doing it in places that could get you tossed in jail but it might add that spark to your love life that will keep you from straying. If you do love him and he does turn you on as you claim, then I assume you want to keep him around and make him the primary focus of your sexual needs!

If you know that your husband could work through your cheating, you can tell him. See if he'd be open to having a lover on the side, or agree to quit (and stick to it!). (Would you still like the sex if your husband knew you were cheating? Or is it the idea of secrecy that's so enticing?). If you think that he'd react badly, I actually suggest not telling him if you think you can get away with it, and moving your activities outside your home as well as making them less frequent so that you are less likely to be caught. While everyone advocates open lines of communication in a relationship, you have already broken that rule and admitting it now may do more harm than good, especially if there are kids involved. You're long past the window of opportunity to be honest about your affairs; really. Having covered it up for this long, he might hold it against you that you didn't tell him sooner. Of course, this all depends on him, and on how you think he'll take it.

I do hope that you can work this out and either quit cheating or come clean with your husband, but if that isn't an option then at least move it out of the house! Join a "book club" and schedule hotel rooms, if you really need the satisfaction. Just make sure you bring your book...