No sex: he won't change

**grrrr** · 04-07-2010 08:49 PM

Hi,

What does one do if the man that one is with doesn't want to change anything? I went to the Doc with him, it was discovered that he has a low testerone level, but he doesn't want to do anything about it. He says that it is "his body" - which I understand - but there are two people in a marriage. I'm 32 he's 50. I DO get annoyed, but I try to put it aside.

Am I being selfish for wanting more?

**marmar86** · 04-07-2010 09:41 PM

You arent selfish at all! Some people have higher labidos than others. If youre saying that because his testosterone is low, he cant always get it up...then he should do other things to pleasure you. Its important that both people remain happy in the intimate part of a relationship. If he just doesnt feel like having sex, then he could look into ways that will help him increase his labido. If you enjoy oral, or hand stimulation, then you should ask him to do that to you more often.

**stressed** · 04-07-2010 09:56 PM

His body may prevent him from having intercourse often, but his mind can still make his hands and mouth give you some pleasure.

There's no such thing as "I can't"; there is only "I don't want to".

**rcoreyus** · 04-07-2010 10:19 PM

I agree with Stressed.

I understand his reluctance to take any drugs, but as Stressed said, that doesn't keep him from doing all sorts of intimate things for you.

If he doesn't want to change, you have a simple (but miserable) choice: Continue with life as it is, or leave.

**maverick** · 04-08-2010 05:50 AM

You are not being selfish, but your husband is being stupid. Low testosterone in males can have serious health consequences other than a limp noodle. He should have a bone density scan as low testosterone can lead to osteroporosis. Another consequence can be that breasts start to grow. All of these conditions are treatable. His doctor should have scheduled him in for a bone scan as soon as he/she found out that there was a testosterone problem. This is a serious, potentially crippling condition, but if he acts on it now, he can reverse it and possibly get his libido back to boot.

Good luck, hon. It sounds like you have a very stubborn & selfish husband.

**pretzel** · 04-08-2010 06:39 AM

no you're not being selfish.

hopefully you're husband isn't like my wife.

she stopped our sex life a couple of years ago and I'm the one being selfish.

he's the selfish one.

**WildChild** · 04-08-2010 06:55 AM

Low testosterone can also cause memory loss.

**grrrr** · 04-08-2010 09:27 AM

Thank you all. I know. He's also on BP medicine.... it's a big old mess....

Oh, and he doesn't "do" anything else. it's up to me to get me off. Thank you for validating that I'm not being the selfish a-hole in the relationship. Now I can just accept it and hope that my urges go away.

Also, thank you for letting me know about the health risks that a low T have - that's very very good information to have.

You are all the best! Thank you again for your thoughts, advice, and caring.

**WildChild** · 04-08-2010 09:35 AM

What he does is up to him but what you do is up to you as well.
Talk with his doctor and get yourself educated, what you are likely to see (been there) can include extreme mood swings, fatigue, bone loss and degeneration, loss of memory (senile demetia), just to name a few. You are a young woman. Do you want to end up as his nurse and care taker? That's where you may be heading if doesn't do something about this.