I did the UNTHINKABLE

**stressed** · 04-12-2010 11:29 AM

So... he took you out to dinner, to eat a lot, and then gave you the all-time-classic "tomorrow" speech after turning you down. Hmm... sure, it is not his fault if he cannot easily have an erection, but as it has already been said, he doesn't need his penis to make you feel good, or wanted. He probably thought "I ate a lot, I am not getting an erection any time soon, so let's just sleep" instead of thinking he owes you some pleasure. Because he does. You can ask him to use a toy on you, even less work for him.

I'm just afraid he's very convenient with the situation. It's easier to spend money on someone than pleasure them physically when you don't want to. Don't let him trick you with gestures. You deserve the real thing.

**stressed** · 04-12-2010 11:32 AM

Originally Posted by sperosi

I know just how lousy you must be feeling right now. sex IS very important part of a relationship, and the thought of being just friends is even painful for me to think of.

but let me play devils advocate for a minute...

would you rather be with him, someone who does love you and that you can be friends with;

or

in a relationship where the is no "intimacy", where the two people aren't really friends, or even friendly, but there is regular sex?

I know we want it all (who doesn't), but sometimes the grass is greener because there is more ___ fertilizing it.

That is an interesting point view. But if this "someone" wants a roommate and not a sexual partner then he should not demand to be the only man in his partner's life. Marrying someone only to take sex away from them is nasty and doesn't show love. It's a very selfish act of people who want to have everything.

**pretzel** · 04-12-2010 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by stressed

Marrying someone only to take sex away from them is nasty and doesn't show love. It's a very selfish act of people who want to have everything.

Very, very true.

**grrrr** · 04-12-2010 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by stressed

That is an interesting point view. But if this "someone" wants a roommate and not a sexual partner then he should not demand to be the only man in his partner's life. Marrying someone only to take sex away from them is nasty and doesn't show love. It's a very selfish act of people who want to have everything.

While I "know" that it's very true - sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants, even though you may have to give something up - and it's not like he's mean or nasty about it, I think more embarrassed than anything.

At the end of the day, I'm glad not to be a boy and have to deal with "boy" problems....... how sad. At least I don't have to worry about getting preggers!!! I guess there is a plus side to this!

**stressed** · 04-12-2010 12:25 PM

I just don't understand why those who either want to have multiple sex partners or don't want sex marry for. Why do they risk cheating or being cheated on when they know what they want?

Yes, it is sad, but you are not meant to be his nurse. I find more sad all those nights you want sex with him but he has his back turned on you and snores.

But at least you think positive!

**grrrr** · 04-12-2010 04:15 PM

Originally Posted by stressed

I just don't understand why those who either want to have multiple sex partners or don't want sex marry for. Why do they risk cheating or being cheated on when they know what they want?

Ahhh.... this is true, but - he can't be intimate with anyone if he can't get it up! (Evil, I know) - and cheating isn't something that I would consider.... However, investing in Duracell is something that I will consider doing

**caterpillar79** · 04-12-2010 06:21 PM

On the brighter side, at least you know how to pleasure yourself! Heck, I can't get enough by stimulating myself at all. All I get is irritation and soreness of my sensitive parts. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about my loving husband - he is the best for me, I am just pointing out your strength that I DO NOT have.

**grrrr** · 04-12-2010 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by caterpillar79

On the brighter side, at least you know how to pleasure yourself! Heck, I can't get enough by stimulating myself at all. All I get is irritation and soreness of my sensitive parts. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about my loving husband - he is the best for me, I am just pointing out your strength that I DO NOT have.

Kudo's for having a good hubby! I wish that my vibrator was enough.... but sometimes you just want to feel the weight of another person on top of you! That's where I am right now....

Sorry, I'm always "Debbie von Complainer" on this site! It's the only place that I can vent to, and I'm so sorry that I seem so kookie! grrrr... (hence the user name!)

**caterpillar79** · 04-14-2010 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by grrrr

grrrr... (hence the user name!)

You crack me up, really!

I always say that if I am at wit's end.

Originally Posted by grrrr

Kudo's for having a good hubby!

Indeed, and thank you. I'd surely tell him that.

Originally Posted by grrrr

I wish that my vibrator was enough.... but sometimes you just want to feel the weight of another person on top of you! That's where I am right now....

I wish there is something that can be done. I wouldn't like to suggest an open relationship, but looks like that is something that other people more liberal than I am would consider.

Originally Posted by grrrr

Sorry, I'm always "Debbie von Complainer" on this site! It's the only place that I can vent to, and I'm so sorry that I seem so kookie!

Vent away, we're all here. Never say sorry for expressing yourself this forum is for everybody. Hang in there. Keep us posted. Take care.

**A Dying Breed** · 04-16-2010 01:53 AM

Well I just joined, and this will be my first of many posts, so here it goes:

I also take blood pressure meds, along with a few others, and do frequently experience drops in libido. For me, it's momentary, and only lasts a few hours, or days at most.

Even if he is having problems below the belt, you still need to be confident.

Be confident that he can please you. If you two are cuddling or having a moment together, firmly take his hand and guide it. Show him he doesn't need a raging hard-on to make you happy. There are plenty of other ways to be intimate without intercourse, which is what I believe is his problem. I wont delve too much in here, but this is the sex section of the forum. Mutual masturbation is a nice starter. Just lie with your back against his chest, and play with eachother. If you have a toy or two, have him pleasure you that way. There's sixty-nining, cunnilingus, and other "games" as i like to call them. Just prove to him that he can still make you happy, and it will gradually get better from there.

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