How to say "not this position again" in a nice way

**stressed** · 04-13-2010 05:38 AM

I think HD's post if very accurate. He's tried many different positions in the past, it's only with me he has a problem with. It doesn't matter what he does, as long as it has a "result" and that is a success for him.

We've tried doggy style about... twice. His legs get tired or he complains that his size is too small for it. Riding used to be his favourite, yet with me his arms get tired or he loses his erection anyway. He denies to try from the side (which used to be my favourite, by what I can remember from many years back) because his size bothers him. He doesn't give oral because he loses his breath. He doesn't use his hand because it gets tired. He doesn't want to do it on the floor because it's too hard. He doesn't want in the car either because he doesn't know a good place to park it. He doesn't want the balcony because people can see.

Soooo.... there isn't anything simple left to try that would involve me getting any pleasure.

We have tried a famous ED pill brand 3-4 times, early in the relationship. It didn't work at all, because he was more nervous than anything. He seems so anxious about it that no matter what he will take it won't work and seeing that makes me nervous as well. Lately he's said that he doesn't feel he has the performance troubles he used to have, that he doesn't believe there's anything physically wrong with him, but it's more mental than anything. And I think this is harder to deal with :-/

And as for porn, it used to be his safe solution. He enjoyed his fantasies and the positions he'd like to try in his head by watching porn but has been to scared to try them or believes he can't achieve them. Sending him back to it won't do any good. It's not that I hate porn or find it devil's work, I just see it causing more harm than good in our case.

But I also agree with rc, there are many other things he can do, but like I said above, he always has an excuse for not doing any of them.

I'll probably have to apply Mavercik's advice and take him out for a talk.

Thank you all for answering, I appreciate it a lot.

**stressed** · 04-13-2010 05:47 AM

What annoys me to death is that his job is physical. He uses his arms to carry tons and tons every day, yet he claims his hand gets tired when it's on me. I don't understand this. He's a strong man, he stands up many hours a day at work, he's very good at his job, why is it so difficult to use his strength for 5 minutes on me? I find this very sad and hurtful. His excuse to this is that it's one thing to lift weight and another to do that, but it doesn't make it any less hurtful.

I don't think it's easier to lift weight for hours than move your fingers for a few minutes. Or that it's easier to masturbate a penis than stimulate a clitoris. He disagrees though. Go figure.

**pretzel** · 04-13-2010 05:47 AM

Is he that out of shape that anything makes him tired (answer - no)

He most certainly needs to listen and understand what it is that's missing and why this is really bothering you.

**pretzel** · 04-13-2010 05:49 AM

Originally Posted by stressed

What annoys me to death is that his job is physical. He uses his arms to carry tons and tons every day, yet he claims his hand gets tired when it's on me. I don't understand this. He's a strong man, he stands up many hours a day at work, he's very good at his job, why is it so difficult to use his strength for 5 minutes on me? I find this very sad and hurtful.

stressed, read you question to yourself as if someone else wrote it. You may find more answers in that than you may be aware of.

Just a thought.

**stressed** · 04-14-2010 05:14 AM

I don't know, guys, it happened again. Whenever I move my head he puts it back there. Then he's very sweet and loving with me and says how nice it was.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But it does make sex boring for me the more it happens.

**pretzel** · 04-14-2010 05:34 AM

Originally Posted by stressed

I don't know, guys, it happened again. Whenever I move my head he puts it back there. Then he's very sweet and loving with me and says how nice it was.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But it does make sex boring for me the more it happens.

stressed, this is a two way street.

After a while of boring sex, then there will be a point in time (if you're not already there) where you'll start saying "Why bother" then resentment and apathy set in.

You're way too young to have to go down this path.

**kygirl** · 04-14-2010 06:54 AM

Originally Posted by pretzel

stressed, this is a two way street.

After a while of boring sex, then there will be a point in time (if you're not already there) where you'll start saying "Why bother" then resentment and apathy set in.

You're way too young to have to go down this path.

I think it also opens the door to make you wonder about the relationship in general and to think about seeking something elsewhere. (not saying you would, but it helps to avoid as much as possible)

I think you're going to have to suck it up and talk to him. He may not realize that you have such strong feelings about it. I think you have to tell him how you feel, see what he says, and then go from there based on the conversation.

Like Pretzel said, this is a two way street. If this is going to work longterm, he is going to have to find some middle ground with you.

Good luck!

**pretzel** · 04-14-2010 07:46 AM

I agree,

The possibility of this spilling over into other aspects of your relationship greatly increases as your satisfaction decreases. The negative overtakes the positives and becomes obsessive. I know, this is me.

The thread about signs of a good relationsip (paraphrasing) talked a great deal about balance not only within oneself, but also balance between partners as a cornerstone to a great relationship. Those are very true correlations.

**rcoreyus** · 04-14-2010 10:02 AM

It is different muscles for doing heavy lifting and using his hands on you (unless you have really unusual tastes ), so his hand might get tired quickly.

But - that just means he needs more practice. Once he as used both hands and his tongue until they cramp its fair for him to take a break - but practice, practice, practice .

If he is in good physical shape (sounds like he is), he should be able to work up to doing this as long as you like.

Originally Posted by stressed

What annoys me to death is that his job is physical. He uses his arms to carry tons and tons every day, yet he claims his hand gets tired when it's on me. I don't understand this. He's a strong man, he stands up many hours a day at work, he's very good at his job, why is it so difficult to use his strength for 5 minutes on me? I find this very sad and hurtful. His excuse to this is that it's one thing to lift weight and another to do that, but it doesn't make it any less hurtful.

I don't think it's easier to lift weight for hours than move your fingers for a few minutes. Or that it's easier to masturbate a penis than stimulate a clitoris. He disagrees though. Go figure.

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