How to say "not this position again" in a nice way

**stressed** · 04-12-2010 11:49 AM

Well, after nearly 2 years of the same position I've started dreading the next sex session. Even though I do miss sex a lot and want more, the thought of what is going to happen is a turn off by itself. It's nothing horrible, but it's missionary with my mouth constantly on his nipple. When I try to move my head away from it he moves it back with his hand and continues anyway.

I've tried to tell him that we can try a few times without the nipples (he masturbates alright without stimulating them anyway) but he was nearly offended and said something along the lines that it helps him stay erect and why don't I like that. It seems to be the only position that makes him reach an orgasm as when we rarely try other ones he panics and loses his erection. It's either that or his hand.

The thing is, it feels more like a race for him to orgasm than sex. There's no foreplay, or looks, or talk, or any kind of connection or touch. I both want and don't want sex the way it is. Do you think there is any nice way to convince him to keep my mouth away from his nipples during sex? And if I am to tell him straight, when would it be a good time for it? Out of the blue, before, or after sex? Or just move my head away anyway, even though that would annoy him? Has anybody had to deal with anything like that before?

I'm so tired of the same thing, you have no idea.

**pretzel** · 04-12-2010 11:59 AM

maybe suggesting after he starts, whisper in his ear you'd like to try something. If it works (even for a couple of minutes) great. It may not. But persistence may pay off. Who knows, he may not like it the first couple of times, but after a couple of tries, he may just start enjoying it.

then again, if doesn't like the idea, just bite hard.

You won't have sex that nite, but at least he'll know you're serious.

**kygirl** · 04-12-2010 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by pretzel

then again, if doesn't like the idea, just bite hard.

You won't have sex that nite, but at least he'll know you're serious.

Oh Pretzel lol

Stressed--I think you should definitely bring it up. Just mention that you would like to maybe try some new things. I don't know if you're opposed to porn, but you could always find a clip of something (even if it's just reverse cowgirl or doggy style) and just say, "hey, I had a thought of something I wanted to try so I found this clip online" or you can describe to him in a sexy way.

If that doesn't work, maybe you should bite

**stressed** · 04-12-2010 12:16 PM

Originally Posted by pretzel

maybe suggesting after he starts, whisper in his ear you'd like to try something. If it works (even for a couple of minutes) great. It may not. But persistence may pay off. Who knows, he may not like it the first couple of times, but after a couple of tries, he may just start enjoying it.

then again, if doesn't like the idea, just bite hard.

You won't have sex that nite, but at least he'll know you're serious.

haha! I like the biting idea

But, seriously, when I've tried other things it doesn't work for him. It's either the height of the bed, or the narrow sofa, or the angle, his penis size, my height, always something that gets in the way and he can't enjoy anything. I never thought a man could be so difficult with positions. But I've just decided not to let this go on like that, something has to be done.

Originally Posted by kygirl

Stressed--I think you should definitely bring it up. Just mention that you would like to maybe try some new things. I don't know if you're opposed to porn, but you could always find a clip of something (even if it's just reverse cowgirl or doggy style) and just say, "hey, I had a thought of something I wanted to try so I found this clip online" or you can describe to him in a sexy way.

If that doesn't work, maybe you should bite

I have suggested a lot of things, he agrees and says we can try them another time, or why try them now for he's tired. I could show him a clip I suppose, but that will probably result in him going back to porn and have sex only once a month instead of getting ideas about what to do...

**pretzel** · 04-12-2010 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by stressed

haha! I like the biting idea

But, seriously, when I've tried other things it doesn't work for him. It's either the height of the bed, or the narrow sofa, or the angle, his penis size, my height, always something that gets in the way and he can't enjoy anything. I never thought a man could be so difficult with positions. But I've just decided not to let this go on like that, something has to be done.

I have suggested a lot of things, he agrees and says we can try them another time, or why try them now for he's tired. I could show him a clip I suppose, but that will probably result in him going back to porn and have sex only once a month instead of getting ideas about what to do...

maybe send him some links to porn sites that show different positions (like he doesn't already know them).

short of listening to what you have to say, start doing yourself. what's the worst that can happen.

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-12-2010 12:56 PM

I don't think directing to a porn site is going to help. He's seen a lot of porn. He knows what they do and I'm sure stressed could throw out the nick name of a position and he would know what it is. The problem doesn't seem to be that he doesn't know what other positions there, or that he doesn't know she wants other positions... but that he feels he can only be 'successful' in that one position.

And that is a crazy hard type of mental block to break. He needs to learn that his erection and orgasm are not what makes sex with you a success... its him being loving and giving and passionate, whether or not he is erect or has an orgasm. Those will come in time as he gains confidence but if he is heckbent on treating sex like a mission that needs to hit certain markers to not be a dissapoint he's missing the whole experience, therefore causing you to miss it.

**maverick** · 04-12-2010 01:26 PM

It's time for the talk. Not in the bedroom outside and before. Guys hate the talk. But it is necessary in this case. "Dear, we need to talk." Then lay it out. Your needs, how & why you need things to change. I have heard of others that think they can orgasm only one way. If they believe this, then it may be true. But they can unlearn this behavior. I would stay away from the biting. He may like it and you have another problem with which to deal.

**kygirl** · 04-12-2010 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by stressed

I have suggested a lot of things, he agrees and says we can try them another time, or why try them now for he's tired. I could show him a clip I suppose, but that will probably result in him going back to porn and have sex only once a month instead of getting ideas about what to do...

Yeah, that might not be the best yet. I agree with Maverick that maybe you should really have a talk. Sex is a two-way street (or it should be). Your pleasure and enjoyment should also be factored into things, and just because he feels like he can't orgasm another way or is "too tired" to try something new, shouldn't affect you to the point that you actually are dreading sex with him... Perhaps, you can tell him, you want to be on top and then he it doesn't matter if he's tired

Tell him you'll do the work

**jns** · 04-12-2010 02:27 PM

Have you considered that he may have ED? If he has, maybe one of the ED pills may be able to help. If he can maintain an erection for longer times, he may get away from using only one position.

Masturbation is very different than having intercourse. The fingers can move and account for differences in size of the head of the penis and the shaft of the penis. They can be used to provide more stimulation where it does the most good.

For myself, losing erection usually starts with the loss of sensation, followed by deflating of the head of the penis. After that, wholesale deflation takes place, not necessarily immediately, but the situation doesn't reverse itself.

Your SO is selfish in not giving you pleasure, but he knows what fantasy works for him, so that is the one he employs. He could possibly help himself out by gripping himself at the base of his penis to keep very hard, but at the loss of some penetration.

I like doggy style, and there are some variations that can be done on the side, so let me suggest a position. Have him do a doggy style with both of you laying on your side, with his body at right angles to yours. Then he has to straddle your lower leg with his legs and make it the pivot point of his thrusting, with his legs squeezing your lower leg. You may have to shift your lower leg or roll your hips somewhat to make it comfortable for you. You may have to put a pillow under your hip. He thrusts by rolling his hips and thrusting. He should be able to get the pressure he needs from the tightening of his legs and the pressure on his balls to maintain an erection for as long as it takes, in a position that is relatively relaxing. He can raise you free leg with his hands, or let them roam. This is similar to scissors and pretzel positions.

**rcoreyus** · 04-12-2010 05:14 PM

I don't know if it is possible to develop a "position fetish" where only one position works for you. Some men also are very aroused by nipple stimulation. Will he let you use fingers rather than your mouth for that? Of course if it is a fetish it might be very specific.

That aside though, even if he has problems maintaining an erection in other positions, he can still pleasure you in lots of other ways. If he was already doing everything he was physically capable of for you, that would be different.