Thread: please help marriage is in trouble!!!

Ok to start out,I am married to the first guy I ever slept with,and besides him I've only been with one other guy a couple times. So I'm not the most experienced when it comes to sex.. I'm not ashamed to admit that I dont really get creative on positions,I'm just wanting to change that! My husband has stopped trying and hasnt touched me in days. I dont wanna lose my marriage,im just really shy on that stuff cause of being so sheltered growing up. I just dont know what to do. He always wants to do anal but it just hurts too bad. Please somebody! He only lays on his back and sometimes goes against what im doing cause its so overdone. So I know i have to figure out a mindblowing move while being on top first. I hate to ***** guys,I'm just terrified of losing the spark in our marriage!!

First of all don't let anything forced on you. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable for both people, not just a way for him to get his rocks off. If it hurts when he tries something, don't do it.

However, there are a lot of ways to spice up a sex life. The Kama Sutra, role playing, toys, lingerie and outfits, even different types of sex (slow and passionate, fast and rough,BDSM, tantric sex, etc.)


Sex is a two way street. You said he only lies on his back? Doesnt sound like hes trying too hard either.

Besides that, theres oral sex and mutual masturbation. Sex shouldnt just be about a cool move or position. It should generally be fun and you should enjoy yourself. Honestly, get a kama sutra book and read it together to try new things. Also try having sex in front of a large mirror, because that can also be a big boost. Dont just try new positions, also try new places. Shower, kitchen, the car, an alleyway. Try new rhythms, techniques, everything.


It is not your sole responsibility to please him. You both share the responsibility of pleasing eachother. Dont try to find something on your own, try new things with him to see what the two of you like the most.

Also, alot of men think anal sex is the same as vaginal. He may have been doing it wrong. He probably got the idea from pornography, and the way pornography depicts anal sex as completely painless, without condoms which is very unhealthy with all the bacteria. He cant pound away super hard and fast like they do in porn either, as 99% of the time it is not pleasuring and is dangerous. Pornography is very unrealistic, so make sure to cut it out of your lives unless you watch it together, without actually masturbating to the performers on screen. You have to use LOTS of lubricant and should definitely use a condom. HE shouldnt just stick it in either. Practice a few times with increasingly larger toys. Penetration isnt the same, and he cant be as rough or fast, and shouldnt hit all around the place in different directions or else he could cause rupturing in your colon.

Make sure no matter what the two of you choose, that you do it together and with reliable information or literature.

good luck

Thank you so much! I haven't let him do anal in a long time. I gave it three chances and everytime sucked. And for awhile he would try and he would put a majority of the effort in. I figure I got spoiled and lazy from him always doing the work since he had more experience than me. And I'm always super shy and nervous around him,especially then. We've only been married a little over five months,and I'm 18 and he's 20. I'm worried this isnt a good sign for our future if were young like this and have these type problems...

Originally Posted by lilgapeach

Thank you so much! I haven't let him do anal in a long time. I gave it three chances and everytime sucked. And for awhile he would try and he would put a majority of the effort in. I figure I got spoiled and lazy from him always doing the work since he had more experience than me. And I'm always super shy and nervous around him,especially then. We've only been married a little over five months,and I'm 18 and he's 20. I'm worried this isnt a good sign for our future if were young like this and have these type problems...

Well, since you are still fairly young, you'll learn no relationship is easy, especially marriage. As long as both of you are willing to put in the effort to make your marriage constantly better, then you've got nothing to worry about. Most marriages that turn out badly are due to the fact that one or both stopped trying. As long as both of you keep trying, you wont have that much to worry about.


Also, since hindsight is always 20/20, you shouldn't ever marry that young. I know it's hard when you're in love (and im not saying the two of you shouldnt be married), but you should really move in together and live with eachother a few years, and do everything married couples do except say the vows. There is no real difference in a good relationship and a marriage, except that once you are in a marriage you should veryrarely get out of it.

Best of luck with your marriage, but it's also good practice to wait a long time, at least 5 years before you are ready to devote the rest of your entire life to eachother (honestly, I dont think divorce should ever be an option unless there is abuse or one is cheating on the other).

Hope your problem smooths out, since the initial years of marriage or a relationship are important sexually, as everything after ten years from now will be based on your first few years as husband and wife

It sounds like he isn't very good in bed either - an more importantly sounds like he doesn't care much. If you want to learn to be better in bed, there are books (the old "joy of sex" or many others that you can find online or in bookstores), but if he isn't trying you will never have a good sex life.

It sounds like he has a bigger problem with this than you do. Does he know this?

If he knows, maybe read something together? If he doesn't care, then that is a much bigger problem.

The main thing to a great sex life is trust. You have to trust the person you are with, if you do you can open up and the two of you can talk and try anything.
I was in the same boat when it came to anal. My husband is huge and I was terrified to let him try it. So I read up on it alot on line, I bought a couple of vibrators in two sizes so i could practice and work my way up to his size. I agree with A Dying Breed, you need lots of lube!! This is the key! Make sure you put it all over him from tip to base, then relax, I know it is hard but it really helps, do not tighten your butt, think about pushing instead of tightening. Have him go in real slow, just a little bit at a time, if it hurts then have him stop for a second until you get used to it, you may even need to add extra lube while he is in you, you can't have enough lube. Then let him continue slowly. No ramming like he's in your vagina. Once you get used to it he may be able to speed up the pace, but only if it's comfortable to you. This is where the trust is required, you have to trust him that when you say stop he will or he can injure you. Be prepared you may bleed a little, I did and still do on occasion. Once you have done it a few times, it only gets better. I have some of my best orgasms that way. You may need to try a couple of different positions for anal. Some positions hurt less than others for different people, traditional doggie style may be painful for you, try laying side by side or him on top in missionary style they may be less painful.
One word of advice...Do not let him do anal and then put it back into your vagina. You and him can both get a serious urinary tracht infection. He either needs to clean off or you need to do vaginal first and end with anal.
Also, tell him to get off his back and get to work!! Try doggie style or you standing up and leaning over the bed.

A dying breed:I appreciate the advice but its late to be giving me advice on waiting to get married when i already am. Besides,military changes everything. Me and my husband have been together for almost two years and feels like ten.
Vikingfan23: i hate to be crude but is doing anal kinda sorta similar to regular intercourse with getting looser and eventually not hurting???

Originally Posted by lilgapeach

A dying breed:I appreciate the advice but its late to be giving me advice on waiting to get married when i already am. Besides,military changes everything. Me and my husband have been together for almost two years and feels like ten.
Vikingfan23: i hate to be crude but is doing anal kinda sorta similar to regular intercourse with getting looser and eventually not hurting???

Oh I know, I wasn't telling you "Oh you shouldnt have done that". But maybe it might help somebody else reading this topic. Idk, just thought it was a relevant thought. And yes, military can be a lot more stressful, especially in the Navy

Yes, the more you do it the looser you will get and the less it will hurt. Side note: DO NOT do anal all the time, use it as a special treat maybe once or twice a month. Otherwise your butt hole will end up looking like a coke can will fit into it. Not attractive. The muscles need time to contract, if you do it too often the muscles will stay too loose and you might have issues controlling your bowels. Sorry to be graphic but just wanted to give you all the facts. It will get easier each time you try, remember if it hurts add more lube and breath and relax, go slow. If it's too painfull stop and try another time.

Ahh ok thanks for that. And my husband is in the marines,he left for boot shortly after our one month anny,so we've always had a sped up relationship due to seeing what we really had so young.