I feel TERRIBLE for sleeping with a married man :(

**sexybabe** · 04-21-2010 01:18 AM

I met this guy in the web and we met last week for the first time. We've been messaging each other for weeks until after the first meet up when our conversations got a little too steamy. I am recovering from a failed relationship with the guy I consider the love of my life. I guess I am too lonely and I found comfort in being naughty with this guy. He turned out to be so hot, but he is married. At first I refused to have sex with him as I've never slept with anyone other than my ex boyfriends (I only slept with the last 2) and I've been telling him that it was against my principles to have a one night stand, especially with a married man. I got carried away... let my emotions and sadness get the best of me, and I ended up seeing him tonight. We went to a motel and did it. I never knew it would feel so different. The sex was great, he was really great, with a body to die for. Yet, after that, a feeling of emptiness engulfed me once again and I totally hate myself for sleeping with someone I'm not inlove with :'( He drove me home, and messaged me to say that he had a great time although I don't believe it. Being 12 years my senior, he has more experience with sex than me, and I really don't think I impressed him at all. I feel like a horrible person for not sticking to my values, for sleeping with a married man, for trying to use sex as a massive cover up to hide all the pain I feel inside. I messaged him to share how I felt - he knows my struggles about my ex and obviously allowed him to take advantage of my vulnerability. Then I went on to say that I thought he was great and thanked him for the adventure. He simply replied "thank you". I dont think I'm hearing from him again after tonight. I feel such a jerk! I let him use me, and most of all, I just committed a mortal sin of adultery. I really really hate myself now. I don't know how to forgive myself. I feel terrible. I'm a horrible person and I hate myself!!! I don't know who to share this to. My friends are never gonna believe that I did something so stupid and I am so afraid of what they are going to think of me. I am no longer the person I thought I was and I know I can't take things back anymore. I hate myself so much right now I want to die......

**A Dying Breed** · 04-21-2010 01:25 AM

Well shame on him for knowing about it and taking advantage anyways.

Hindsight is 20/20, so at least you know you won't do this again.

(edit)

**sexybabe** · 04-21-2010 01:32 AM

Well shame on him for knowing about it and taking advantage anyways.

Hindsight is 20/20, so at least you know you won't do this again

I ALLOWED him to so I am more to be blamed.

I'm never doing this again. Ever.

The "after effect" is totally unpleasant.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-21-2010 01:39 AM

I dont think I'm hearing from him again after tonight. I feel such a jerk! I let him use me

Let's get something straight.

You know who you are.

You know your a good person.

And, at that time, you "wanted" to be naughty.. Sure, he is married and yes, that was wrong, but, as the above poster said, it takes two and he took advantage of you, the situation.

Most "married men" thrive on women who are vulnerable, if you want to be mad, angry, upset, then be at him.. He knew where you were at, you advised him of what you were thinking and I can only imagine the words he continued to state, which made you just for that moment, forget.

We are human. You are human. You made a mistake that's all. And, one that I know you won't make again, based on how you are feeling.

But, rest assure, he will do this again and again to other girls who are vulnerable, it's how they do it.

Please don't beat yourself up... Please.

Smile in the knowing that sure ,he won, sure you were wrong, and just be wary to use this information for future, and to ensure therefore it's a learning curb and not to do it again.

I really despise men that prey and that's what he did.

Learn from it, and also know that it was something you chose to do, right or wrong, but learn from it sweet.

Don't feel suicidal that's silly... We all make mistakes in life okay.

I'm sorry, I won't be able to write after this for a while, but I really need you to realise that 1) your not alone, 2) we're here for you 3) it was a mistake and 4) learn from it but realise that he knew exactly what he was doing, and guided you to a degree ... so remember that for next time

CW

**sexybabe** · 04-21-2010 02:02 AM

Thanks, CW. Your words are always comforting..

**Mes T** · 04-21-2010 03:53 AM

I think the faster you'll be able to show yourself you've learned from this experience, the sooner you'll feel better about yourself.

Examine the situation --> learn from it --> move on --> and be happy!

Now if you're ever faced with a similar situation, you'll know what to do and what not to do.

Yeah some people in your life might be judgmental of the situation. But that's because they most likely haven't been there.

And don't realize how easy it is to fall into certain traps when you're emotionally compromised.

**WildChild** · 04-21-2010 04:14 AM

It was a learning experience dear. You recognize how you got drawn in.
I'm big on personal responsiblity. He may be very good at this kind of manipulation but you let it happen and you see that. Now you know better and in the future you won't be so easily drawn in. You are in a healing time, give yourself some time. Forgive yourself, take the lesson and leave the rest.

For you this was a once time learning experience, for him, probably once in a string of experiences. You are moving toward a better place in yourself, perhaps this lesson will keep you from some much more painful expereinces in the future?

For now, be gentle with yourself. We all make mistakes. The real issue is how we handle them.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 04-21-2010 05:56 AM

Sweetheart, you made a mistake...... you feel badly about it as anyone does when they make a mistake. You're human, you have a conscience, you have a heart.....and you feel guilt! Do you know how many women out there would have done that and never felt an ounce of guilt? But you do, because you have a conscience...because you are a good person.

And now you want to die because you made a mistake? Don't you think that's quite a harsh punishment for a mistake?

So what if he wasn't impressed? So what if you weren't as experienced? So what if he never calls you again? If he never calls you again, that will be a BLESSING for you. If he does call you again, now's the time to learn from how you felt after sleeping with him, and DO NOT repeat it. Do not see him, do not talk to him, completely 100% cut your ties. I remember in a previous post, more than just myself talking to you about being vulnerable. You are. You still are. Learn from this.

What you did was wrong, and most importantly was wrong for YOU. You know that. You can't change it. You CAN change what you do going forward. A mistake doesn't make you who you are.......it doesn't change who you are. Learn from it, and move forward.

**sexybabe** · 04-21-2010 08:25 AM

So what if he wasn't impressed? So what if you weren't as experienced? So what if he never calls you again? If he never calls you again, that will be a BLESSING for you. If he does call you again, now's the time to learn from how you felt after sleeping with him, and DO NOT repeat it. Do not see him, do not talk to him, completely 100% cut your ties. I remember in a previous post, more than just myself talking to you about being vulnerable. You are. You still are. Learn from this

I told him how bad I felt after seeing him last night, and that I thought that what happened was just so wrong. I also told him that he can stop talking to me now that there's nothing more he could want from me, and nothing more that I could give. He said "What are you saying? It's not like that?" Then I told him how remorseful I felt about what happened and how I thought he led me to some degree into doing it with him. Then he says that he's also weak but chooses not dwell on things that happened already. He said he agrees that what happened was wrong.

Oh no... I never meant that I wanted to die. I meant to convey how upset and disappointed I am with myself. I may beat myself up some more but I won't turn suicidal. I recognize that I made a mistake, it's just that this is the first time I made this kind of mistake and I'm having a difficult time dealing with it. I feel sorry for his wife and so guilty for doing that to her

And I also can't get over his gorgeous body and how great I thought he was in bed. He looked very handsome and young for his age. I am totally attracted to him but I don't want to fall in love with him. If I don't stop seeing him, then maybe I would. I know that I've got to stop talking to him. He was my diversion. CW was right. He made me forget........

You know, I thought I wanted to just have fun. I felt "rebellious" and wanted to do something different, something exciting. After the sex he wouldn't even touch me. I wanted to be cuddled but obviously he's not into that and I couldn't demand either. That was sad and I felt empty. I realized that no matter how great the sex was, it's never the same when I do it with someone I love..

**StillLearnin** · 04-21-2010 08:36 AM

Resist the temptation to hook up again with him. You don't want to become the "other woman," his mistress. He made the decision to sleep with you. He obviously has issues that he needs to work out with himself and his marriage. If he divorces, he's free game then. Tell him not to contact you again until he's divorced.

Be strong!