Very Different Libidos

**Astarra** · 03-22-2007 05:59 AM

So my hubby and I were browsing your lovely forums here (he actually found it first and shared it with me) and suggested I seek advice here.

**side note** yay to hubby for trying to be ok with my sharing our sex life with the internet lol

So the title says it all. I want....need sex all the time. By all the time I mean at least once a day. If I feel I have made my desires known and do not get what I ask for I tend to get really cranky and it oftens sparks a heated discussion. I feel rejected. I'm terrible for putting the needs/desires of others before my own so when I finally do speak up and say, "Hey hun, I was hoping to get some tonight." I guess I expect to get my wish. Sometimes i won't say a thing and let my husband remain blissfully unaware and then stay up all night crying out of frustration because I don't want to bring it up again. yes, this has been an ongoing problem for us. My husband, on the other hand, does not seem to feel sex is all that big a deal. He feels he could live without it. It hasn't lived up the hype (I am his first and only btw). That alone makes me feel inadequate and completely horrible. I love sex. Sex at first sucked for me, but with time it got to be a very pleasurable act for me. I'm hooked, but he isn't. He has admitted to having sex with me on occassion to pacifiy me. Not his words, but that's what he's doing. Having sex with me to make me happy. It's nice, but when i find out he really didn't want to it kills the joy of it for me. I want him to want it as much as I do.

Another problem (sorry this is so long..I tend to talk a lot

) is that sex with him isn't as great as I've had in the past with other lovers. I'm not a very dominate person and apparently I'm not a great sex teacher either. I went from having lots of sex with multiple orgasms to having sex anytime I could get him to comply and being lucky if I had one at all. I'm used to the men that want it constantly and are always trying to sneak into your pants when you're not looking. Men who didn't feel things were done until I was done. My hubby just doesn't seem to be that kind of person.

In the end this is all making me feel very unattractive and like I am being selfish and inconsiderate for constantly bringing the issue up. It's not a deal breaker yet for our marriage, but I fear once I gain the strength to admit I need a serious overhaul in our sex life...then it may be.

Thoughts, comments, suggestions?

**Nayru** · 04-18-2008 09:16 AM

Astarra, you are definitely not alone. I read your post and kept thinking "yep, that's me" the entire time. It's so painful. Someone please help. Suggestions...?

**Hystorm** · 04-18-2008 11:21 AM

Once again, another couple where they are opposite each other...
How dies this continue to happen...Hey husband of Asterra, wake the freak up and smell the juices, errr..reality. If you will not give it to her, there are PLENTY of other guys that will, daily, hourly if necessary.
****, send her to me, I'll take care of her like no bodies business!!
Well, then again, I'm dreaming as I am total love with my wife but there are plenty of single guys that will bang her until the earth is destroyed!

This just ****es me off to no end. Us guys that somehow end up with the women that could really care less about sex while the ones that want it all the time end up with the guys who don’t want sex...WTF!

I am sure Richard will weigh in on this too...

**Fallen1** · 04-18-2008 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by Hystorm

Once again, another couple where they are opposite each other...
How dies this continue to happen...Hey husband of Asterra, wake the freak up and smell the juices, errr..reality. If you will not give it to her, there are PLENTY of other guys that will, daily, hourly if necessary.
****, send her to me, I'll take care of her like no bodies business!!
Well, then again, I'm dreaming as I am total love with my wife but there are plenty of single guys that will bang her until the earth is destroyed!

This just ****es me off to no end. Us guys that somehow end up with the women that could really care less about sex while the ones that want it all the time end up with the guys who don’t want sex...WTF!

I am sure Richard will weigh in on this too...

Interesting that you say this. I as you know have a higher drive than my guy. I don't guess I can complain as I do for the most part get it once a day but that does not fill my "need".

My guy knows this and he told me not to long ago that I would not be able to find a guy that could give me as much as I wanted.

I take it by your comment that you feel different?

**Hystorm** · 04-20-2008 12:33 AM

Heh, I would give/take if after every meal if I could. The perfect dessert for all!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-20-2008 12:51 AM

Originally Posted by Hystorm

Heh, I would give/take if after every meal if I could. The perfect dessert for all!

Hey Hystorm, would you mind if i ask?

Is that because of the love you have for your wife and obvious openess and love, or because you just have that drive personally, as in it's "in you" now.

I'm just trying to get a handle where the sexual side of want is coming from as individual persons.

I mean this threader was "used to" and therefore obviously wants and her husband isn't like that, which may be his make-up, or else he isnt committed like you two, ( the two different scenarios)

Does that make sense? I know what i'm trying to say.

CW

**Hystorm** · 04-20-2008 10:54 AM

I would have to answer that it is my drive and not the love I feel for her!
If I were the cheating kind of guy, I could totally bang a hooker every day and then give it to the wife when ever she wanted it. Which is once a month for the past few years as I stated in other posts. She is only horny when she is ovulating. Other than that, she could care less about sex.
If you search for my very first post on this board, something about my wedding night, etc..you will see her lack of interest is most def. not from lack of orgasms, foreplay, etc!
I simply don't get it. I bust my *** to pleasure her whenever I can for as long as she can stand and she still has next to no interest in sex. I truly believe if I did not come to her for sex, we would prob. never have sex again.
As an example, yesterday she requested that I take the kids somewhere for the day as she needed the house quiet to study for her Anatomy Final. I had the kids all day long, was a total nightmare as my kids are very energetic and annoying

All I wanted in return was one of her fantastic hand jobs which she has come to master through the years. Once the kids were asleep, I waited for over an hour for her to pick out what she was going to wear today, going over all the sheer madness of "yes love, it looks good on you" or "no, they do go together, its fine" (yet she still totally ignored my statements and picked something else each time ~ why do women do that?) I asked her to stay undressed once she was finished as Its much nummier to have her nude and wearing something like thigh-high stocking which I always put on her myself. No, she could not be bothered with that, completely dressed in her sweats and expected me to just lay next to her while she watched TV and bang me with one hand! I just walked out of the room and said "nevermind, good night!"

She is such a cold fish! I just don't get it. There have been many, many times where I have offered to do anything she wants in any way sexually to which she has replied "no, I don't want to be turned on or anything!" I think it may have something to do with a control issue. It appears she must always be in control or something.

I am getting off topic. Yes, I truly, truly love my cold fish of a wife but that is not the reason I want to pleasure her every day. Let me put it this way, I was into girls when I was in Kindergarten. This caused a lot of emotional heart ache for me as a child due to the fact that I had puppy love for several girls growing up and they could'nt have cared less about boys, let alone me.

I could have sex with a total stranger if I were so inclined. Love is important for sex, but for a guy, I don't think it is as important as it is for a women. I have noticed women tend to have greater orgasms when they are in total love with their partner than with a stranger.
At least that is what my limited experience from reading and first hand has shown.

Chou.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-20-2008 04:07 PM

Thanks Hystorm.

Yeah well i don't get it either.

In my limited time on here, i originally was of the opinion that if you are aleady a sexual sensual person, then attached with the right partner, it would just be. And, the more you did, experiemented with each other as new, sexual dressing what ever, the more in tune and want would be the end result.

But i certainly am not reading that even with those whom have said their sexual partners originally were and now aren't unless they weren't at all to start with which is probably the case and were just going of Chemistry - Mating - until that wore of.

That may very well be -

Strange that we were all bought up to look for that partner in life - yet sexuality was thought it to be a natural part of it to work on....

And then i hear where they have worked on it and at least progressed way over half way?

Seems to me that for me anyway, now that i am single i will have to sort out from the Chemistry to THE CHEMISTRY in them somehow, i guess hense why i want to move to England, lol.

Complicated i think....

I will look up that first Thread now because well you bought out the curiousity of course.

Fallen1 - Your boyfriend is fantastic as at least he is intelligent and accommodating and wants to, once a day from what i am reading alot would be jealous. But seems that there are guys that would..... after all...

So it has to be a person's make-up maybe on whether or not they are willing to, wanting to or not at all...

Mmm...

CW

**DrJ** · 04-20-2008 08:55 PM

Hystorm,

I was married to a woman who turned out to be a control freak. This control obsession manifested itself as frigidity as well as verrry poor housekeeping. I have since learned that the clutter-bomb look to the house is a form of control expression. SHE was the only one who knew where the **** anything was kept, thus maintaining ultimate control over the environment. The marriage was one of a bait-and -switch types, as she seemed to like sex before she was rendered boss in her mind by the ring on her finger. Things became intolerable, as she was verbally abusive and confrontational at all times.
Here is the simple fact ladies: you have to feed the dog and show a little affection, or he'll find a new porch to sleep under. I did.

**Uneeklyme** · 04-21-2008 12:01 AM

I too have a high sex drive. Would love to have sex at least once a day but the realist in me says three times a week would help. The other days, masturbation helps. Do I get it even three times a week? Nope. Reading the original post I kept thinking yep, just like me except for the hard part. My partner tells me he loves sex and would have it all the time if he could. Ok, whats the problem then? It takes him a couple of days to recoup. Theres more so hang in there. Our work schedules clash at times so I try to account for that too. Then, if we dont have sex on the third or fourth day he will masturbate and leave me SOL again until he can recoup. So thats what, four or five days with nothing for me. THEN we might or might not have sex because One: he feels guilty that is been so long (hate that, makes it hard to enjoy the sex) Two: our schedules matched up and its game on or Three: the kids are in school (did i mention he will not have sex if the kids are in the house) Round and round... the few times I have tried to initiate sex with him I have been shot down so I dont even bother to go there. Then he asks me why if I am so horny do I not come to him and get it from him. I can remember masturbating while he laid there and watched telling me before I started that he would be of no good to me but then he will make comments like What, a girl hot and ready for it asking me to do her? Do you think I would pass that up? Uh....yeah since you have before. Don't get me wrong, sex between us is hot as ****. I love it and he tells me he does too but five or six times a month has got me going snake. Looking forward to some of the suggestions here.

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