Thread: i'm new, but i'm just gonna jump right in

I was about to fully agree with corey, until I remembered some parts of your post.

To me it seems like the worst problem here is the lack of intimacy and connection more than sex. He doesn't touch you, or kiss you, or look at you, but has been like this since day one. You were not too young when you married him, 25 is an age when you normally know what you are doing. If you had married him at 17 or even 20 then I could also say you married him without thinking. But I think you knew what you were getting yourself into.

You tell him what a serious problem it is to you, he promises to fix it, you go to counseling, but he doesn't make enough effort. He either thinks like you (doesn't want to leave because of the child and because he loves you) or because he doesn't care.

He doesn't care whether you have an orgasm or not, he doesn't seem interested in sex.

If I understood this correctly, you told him you had sex with other people in the past, but he neither improved nor asked for a divorce. His behaviour is very passive in many ways.

I don't see how you can save such a marriage, whether you have sex with others or not. You will still feel unhappy since cheating is not what you want, cheating is only the side-effect of your unhappy marriage. It's not as if you cheat on him and feel good about yourself, or see it as just getting sex since your husband doesn't give you any. You feel guilty about it, you don't want to hurt him, you don't want to hide. If you suggest an open-marriage he will either become even more colder with you or you will become cold with him, as you won't expect to have sex with him anymore: you will know you can find it somewhere else.

Also, having casual sex with the same person, especially since you are married, can have the opposite result. This man might fall for you or expect more in the long run, or you might fall for him, or be bothered when he finds a steady girlfriend, you might get pregnant, an STD, and so on.

Perhaps cheating for a while, until you'd see if he wants to improve or not, would be a solution, but I don't think he's interested in making any changes and you are still unhappy. Maybe he has the feeling you're going to stay no matter what you do or no matter how passive he is. You could try to separate for a while (which would also mean no cheating from your side during this time), to see if he behaves any differently, if he tries to win you back with affection, see how much you would miss him, see if you feel better without him or not, but most of all to think.