Crazy

**Yvee** · 04-28-2010 05:33 AM

In the past I was sort of the "Wild Child". Out all night, partying until I could stand no more... the usual
This lasted until I was about 16. At that point I started realizing everything that was wrong with my life and what I didn't want to be involved with anymore. In a way I am still doing it now (my titanic effort to break the 5 year smoking habit). Back then however I left all the partying behind and focused on my school.
Anyway, now I am getting to the point of my story... during the period of 14 - 16 I've slept with more people then some people do in a life time. I want to leave that behind me and never turn the page back. However, the reality still haunts me...
All those "times" didn't really add any experience to my "pool". I didn't know amything about relationships or sex until I met my current boyfriend. However, if he ever asks me about how many people I've been with I know that the real answer will bother him. Everyone tells me to worry about it when the time comes, but to behonest I just want a plan, or some kind of idea of what to do IF the time comes... Should I lie? Tell the truth?

**Mes T** · 04-28-2010 05:38 AM

I don't get why the number matters? Unless one of you is very religious?

If he asks, I think it's acceptable to say "Past is past honey, I don't feel like revisiting it. Sorry."

And even if you or he thinks that it's somehow wrong that you slept with a lot of people, well... you were basically still a child. People change.

Not like anyone would hold the 23 year old me accountable for throwing that punch at my friend when I was 10.

**Texinator** · 04-28-2010 05:43 AM

I don't think 'With how many people have you slept?' is a very good question for anybody to be asking. All that should matter to him is that you're now with him, not with whom or how many people before him.

There are too many negative reactions to be had. Sometimes the partner with the lower number starts worrying that they are not experienced or skilled enough for the partner with the higher number. Other times the one with the lower number starts thinking of the one with the higher number as being morally loose if the number is 'too high.'

So if he should ask, I'd just say 'That's all in the past and it doesn't matter anyway. It only matters that I'm with you now.'

**WildChild** · 04-28-2010 05:47 AM

Where you've been is part of what got you to where and who you are today. If he loves you then that doesn't matter, if it matters then there are bigger problems. You haven't murdered, maimed or tortured anyone, you have nothing to applogize for or to regret.

**caterpillar79** · 04-28-2010 05:48 AM

Being more concerned of "how many" you've been with before him doesn't seem to be beneficial, really, unless he is religious, his family is conservative, or if he is considering the possibility of STI's (with which you can be tested and I am aware you did already!), and possible experience/"expertise" in the bedroom department.

I'd suggest for you to ask him to leave the past behind and live with the present.

**sourpuss** · 04-28-2010 05:55 AM

As long as both of you are STD free and sleeping with each other exclusively- his past is none of your business and your past is none of his.

**jns** · 04-28-2010 06:26 AM

You'll have to judge if your bf can handle the truth. In general, truth is the best option. Anything short of it will give being secretive about it too much weight. You could qualify it by saying how many since 18 or 20 or whatever age. You could also say how many men and how many boys.

**stressed** · 04-28-2010 07:40 AM

I see how wrong it can be to ask about the number of partners the other has had, but this question eventually comes up and it's hard to avoid. If you believe the number of partners' you've had is high, then you have to answer in a way that won't hurt him if he feels your number is much higher than his.

For example, I already knew my ex had been with many partners in the past, by our discussions, by learning about him as a person, so when he asked about me and then I asked back he just said something like "many" or "it doesn't matter" in a jokingly way, as if he didn't want to make it a big issue. I didn't mind, but some men are different. I could tell when my current bf was a little bit bothered when I told him I've had one more sexual partner than he's had and it's just 3 of them all together.

Don't give him a number if you don't want to. If you feel bad about already it then he's also going to feel bad about it when you tell him. A number doesn't say anything about you as to who you are today, with him. Yet, you cannot totally avoid the question. Mes_T's approach sounds good but I also agree with jns.

**rcoreyus** · 04-28-2010 08:17 AM

He shouldn't ask, but it he does it might just be curiosity. If so, I'd tell him (roughly). Tell him that you think your behavior was a mistake (if you think it was).

If he can't deal with mistakes in your past, then he probably won't deal well with mistakes you make in the future - and everyone makes some mistakes.

Of course you need to accept his past mistakes as well.

On a side note - you learn by doing things - sometimes you learn that what you did wasn't a good idea, but you learn. Sometimes it is good to have made mistakes and gotten away with it .

**Joey** · 04-28-2010 09:27 AM

I have never been in a relationship wher I or my partner have ever asked 'how many people have you slept with?' personally, i think its a very immature question. Even if it was used as a basis to find out your sexual health - its nonsense. You could have slept with 2000 people and not picked up any form of infection - so the number of people you have slept with, is just that, a number.