fantasizing during sex

**LanaBear** · 05-05-2010 09:05 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Most of the times when being pleasured by my boyfriend either from sex or alternative... stuffs :P I am focusing on nothing but the pleasure, sometimes the sounds, watching him.. and thats all I need.

Sometimes I close my eyes and think about a very specific act we do together that turns me on.. but its like intermittant flashes in my head.

I think its good to try to shake things up as much as possible and not train yourself to only orgasm to very specific fantasies or stimulations as that will just limit your pleasure. Best focus on whats happening sometimes, fantasize other times if its fun for you.

Even though your partner can't see inside your head, I'd try to be respectful as I'd want them to be during sex. Fantasies involving other people should be saved for masturbation (if you must fantasize about other people) as it really isn't all that cool to think of joe bob while bill is doing all the work.

I was trying to think about how to reply to this thread, but you've pretty much summed it up...

I don't understand the whole fantasizing about other people thing. When I'm with him or even not with him, he is my focus, not fantasy. I'm so wrapped up in what we are doing and what is going on, there is no room for fantasy because my head would explode, I'm sure of it.

The thought of even trying to think of someone else makes my stomach turn. But I guess, what I need to get past is that a fantasy isn't necessarily about someone else, it could be about your SO. But if that is the case, is it still a fantasy or actually reality?

**WildChild** · 05-05-2010 09:45 PM

Lana and HD are right. If I'm into what I'm doing, there is no room for anything else in my head. Sex is a total experience; his smell, touch, breathing, what I am feeling. If my eyes are open I am seeing Him, if they are closed it isn't to imagine another, but to heighten the other senses. This is also why I don't care for 69ing. I need to either focus on what I'm doing or what I'm feeling. I can't do both. Since I'm multi and usually cum several times, fairly quickly, I don't want distractions.

If I'm fantasizing, then my head isn't where it needs to be to get the full experience. It really is true that the mind is the biggest sex organ and I need mine fully in it. I think is a matter of self training. Sex is not the time to be thinking of your shopping list, what you have to do that afternoon or the knockout next door.

**sungem77** · 05-06-2010 05:04 AM

Originally Posted by Ryanl35

From a man's point of view I see no problem with it at all. My wife and I encourage fantasies sometimes thinking of each other sometimes not. If I were you just don't mention to your bf that you need to all the time. Maybe try to vocalize them to him during sex, you'd be surprised by his reaction. If you guys have sexually open and intimate relationship vocalizing fantasies can be fun, at least in my experience.

actually, he is aware of my need to fantasize and it doesnt bother him. he's asked me what i think about and i tell him its hard for me to tell him, although i'll let him guess. he really doesnt have a problem with it. i was wondering what other women do,

**sungem77** · 05-06-2010 05:21 AM

Originally Posted by stressed

I don't think it's healthy for the relationship to fantasize during sex every time. This tells me there's a communication issue going on or something missing in sex.
Some times, maybe, it's not my thing, but not every time.

believe me, there is nothing missing in our sex life. we are both in our 50's, both with very high sex drives. it's fantastic. he's is always a part of whatever i am fantasizing about, not that he needs to be. i was just curious how common this is and what others experiences are. its not a moral issue for me.

**redbull** · 05-07-2010 02:09 PM

From a guy's point of view, I also see nothing wrong with it. I wouldn't tell him, because it might bother him. But it wouldn't really bother me, I just wouldn't want to hear it all the time from my girlfriend. I don't care if my girlfriend fantasizes during sex. She's never said anything one way or the other. But the point is you're with HIM and he's with YOU. If you care for each other that's all the matters. Most of the females are saying they don't need to fantasize. Well, that's great. But if that's not the case for you, that's fine too. It's about how you guys feel about each other. As long as you aren't cheating on him, I don't think you're doing anything wrong.

**StillLearnin** · 05-07-2010 06:03 PM

I have to admit that I do have a certain fantasy, of a certain body type. I love my wife to death, and I love her body and figure. But there's a certain woman body type with makeup, hair, and big breasts that just make me melt. I would never tell her that, well, maybe in passing like it wasn't a big deal, but I would never tell her how much I'm turned on by women that have that body type. Sometimes, I hate to admit, I fantasize about that type of woman when I'm having sex. I would never tell her that. It would be devastating, I think.

Related to another thread: when I watch porn, I'm mainly watching women that have that body type, of course.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-07-2010 06:15 PM

Originally Posted by StillLearnin

I have to admit that I do have a certain fantasy, of a certain body type. I love my wife to death, and I love her body and figure. But there's a certain woman body type with makeup, hair, and big breasts that just make me melt. I would never tell her that, well, maybe in passing like it wasn't a big deal, but I would never tell her how much I'm turned on by women that have that body type. Sometimes, I hate to admit, I fantasize about that type of woman when I'm having sex. I would never tell her that. It would be devastating, I think.

Related to another thread: when I watch porn, I'm mainly watching women that have that body type, of course.

Is it that you were unable to attain a woman with that body type? Why would you not choose a mate that is the body type you desire? Why subject her to being less than your ideal... when you could have went for your ideal in the first place.

Its like a guy marrying a blonde but is sexually desiring brunettes or marrying a short woman when you know its tall girls that do it for you. Why put your woman in a position of always falling short of your true desire?

**StillLearnin** · 05-07-2010 06:20 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Is it that you were unable to attain a woman with that body type? Why would you not choose a mate that is the body type you desire? Why subject her to being less than your ideal... when you could have went for your ideal in the first place.

Nope, it's not that at all. I am still VERY attracted to my wife. She's always turned me on. She's more of the athletic build, which I still find extremely attractive. It's the package too. You know, how they dress, the makeup, shoes, etc. Not necessarily skanky or slutty, just sexy, and sexually confident. If my wife could dress that way, and do some makeup that way, and be more sexy, that would put me over the edge.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-07-2010 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by StillLearnin

Nope, it's not that at all. I am still VERY attracted to my wife. She's always turned me on. She's more of the athletic build, which I still find extremely attractive. It's the package too. You know, how they dress, the makeup, shoes, etc. Not necessarily skanky or slutty, just sexy, and sexually confident. If my wife could dress that way, and do some makeup that way, and be more sexy, that would put me over the edge.

Thats something that could happen, even if just for a night here and there... you guys can do fantasy nights where each of you dress up as something different than the norm... kind of like halloween tuesdays once a month or something.

But please please please say I would love to see YOU in this outfit, with your hair like this etc etc... not I want you to look like so and so... that will not reach you closer to your goal lol

**StillLearnin** · 05-07-2010 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Thats something that could happen, even if just for a night here and there... you guys can do fantasy nights where each of you dress up as something different than the norm... kind of like halloween tuesdays once a month or something.

But please please please say I would love to see YOU in this outfit, with your hair like this etc etc... not I want you to look like so and so... that will not reach you closer to your goal lol

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm going to try that sometime.

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