Thread: 29 yr old, never had an orgasm:(

I know there are a million threads on this, but I still felt the need to start my own, sorry. Just needed to vent, get it all out there I guess.

So, first of all, I know people say you have to know how to do it yourself first. I can't even do that. My form of masturbation is grinding on the corner of my nightstand... been doing that for honestly probably 20 years... I USED to use my fingers when I was really young, but I remember my Mom always made me wash my hands, like she'd check them when she kissed me goodnight. So maybe that's why I stopped using my fingers, I don't know. I've tried as I've gotten older, but MY OWN fingers just don't do hardly anything for me, seems like a waste of time.
The only vibrator that seems to get me going is one of those huge plug in Hitachi Wands. Now THAT is powerful! So much so, that I can only take it for so long before I have to stop. I've tried and tried to keep going longer, move the stimulation away from the clitoris for a bit, but no matter what I try, I either have to stop because it's too much, or when I move it I'm just not stimulated anymore.

Onto partners. One guy told me I had 3 orgasms (from oral and g-spot stimulation) that he could tell the way I had contractions. My head and hands went numb, and it did feel good, but I mean, it wasn't like fireworks amazing, it was just, body numbing, I don't know. But he was convinced, and some of my friends were like, "yeah, sounds like you had one." My feeling was, "THAT's IT?? That's what all this fuss is about?? I don't know... But maybe those were mini orgasms? Maybe I'm not completely broken afterall??"

Then another guy made my head and arms go numb, (from oral for a LONG tiem) to the point I could not move my hands for like 5 minutes after he was done taking care of me. But again, no big BOOM of some amazing feeling.

More recently, I had that "peeing" feeling from g-spot stimulation (although in all honesty, i did have to go, but it made the feeling more intense). I also ejaculated, for the first time with a partner (which i know is not always related to orgasms,) but hey, I mean, maybe I'm at least on the right track?

I seem to do best when i have both clitoral and g-spot stimulation simultaneously i think. Or, I might actually be able to orgasm if the sex lasted longer (it's not him cumming quickly, it's just I obviously need a LOT of stimulation, for an abnormally long time I guess).

So obviously this bothers me, and I go in my ups and downs of trying to work on it and not caring. But I know it bothers my bf a lot. It hurts his ego. And that is something I SO wish I could give to him, but obviously it's not that easy for me.

I just ordered a book i saw recommended on this site, Orgasm Loop, so we'll see how that goes.

Sorry this was so incredibly long. If you actually read all this, thanks for listening. I'm not expecting magical answers from you all, but if you have anything you want to share, thanks!