Can you make a man ejaculate in his sleep?

**LanaBear** · 05-07-2010 03:23 AM

I am kind of shocked at the whole thing... I mean, falling asleep, I can understand, like I said been there, done that. But, the next night, again, all about him and he walks up to ejaculate on you.

After falling asleep the previous night, IMO, the next night you both should be raring to go and ripping each others clothes off.

I do think the job can kill sex, I think that was one of the many contributing factors to my issues a long while ago. I've learned to turn it around and these days sex is a great stress reliever for me. Jobs, exhaustion, stress, all that can kill a sex drive.

I do hope all this gets worked out for you, it's heartbreaking.

**stressed** · 05-07-2010 03:31 AM

And, you know, I will definitely wake up moody tomorrow, I can't sleep right now, I feel confused. If I show it, he'll ask me what's wrong or if it's "my morning mood" again. If I say "I could have got something too" then:

1) He won't want to try to involve me in his fantasies at least for the next few days/weeks.
2) He will be more reserved about initiating such things.
3) He will say "it's soon weekend, you will get something too".
4) "I work hard every day and don't have the energy for anything more than that."
5) "You don't understand how it is to have a job like the one I have".

So I can't talk about it, he will get it the wrong way. And if I won't talk about it I either have to forget about it or think about it and feel frustrated.

This week I've been avoiding being too intimate with him often, to try and "save it" for the weekend sex, since last time's was nothing special at all. But he initiates something anyway because he's in the mood for it, but only for him to get an orgasm or me to do something.

He does believe it's his job and that ejaculating numerous times during the week does not effect weekend sex, so there's nothing I can say or do to convince him otherwise. I'm thinking of telling him tomorrow he must seriously consider switching job, as this is ridiculous. It's not that I don't want to do things for him, but, hey, I'm here too.

**stressed** · 05-07-2010 03:36 AM

Plus, he's going to work two extra days this week and will only have Saturday free. If I mention anything at all he will say I'm not understanding, since he has to work so many days and I'm being demanding on top of it all... Overtime or not, he does find his way and plans to get what he wants when he wants it. That's what I see.

**Mes T** · 05-07-2010 04:43 AM

I think it's possible he may have been raised with the mindset that sexually, women are supposed to serve men and not want or expect anything back. I've had very liberal, feminist boyfriends be the same way when it came to the bedroom.

This has got to stop, and I'm sure you'll agree. Once in a while we all get pleasure simply from giving, but that's not infinitely sustainable. We need to get something back to satisfy our own needs, make us feel wanted and loved, and above all appreciated as a human being and not used as a Stepford wife dummy.

I have a suggestion. Let's try to come up with exactly what needs to be said to your guy to have him really understand where you are coming from. I understand people get defensive sometimes when talking about any issues with sex. But I think if the right words are chosen (direct yet not accusing, throwing in some compliments here and there), he will have a better chance of hearing you.

**Texasred** · 05-07-2010 06:28 AM

Originally Posted by stressed

...which also makes me wonder how the heck can a man fall asleep with an erection...

Well, if you're tired enough, falling asleep is easy; it's just rolling over that's kinda tricky...
lol

OK, I know you think it's not funny. But his falling asleep was just a sign he was REALLY tired, not any kind of reflection on you, maybe more an indication he was a bit inconsiderate to have wanted sex when he wasn't in any kind of shape to reciprocate.

**rcoreyus** · 05-07-2010 07:32 AM

Hi Stressed - I think you know my take on this, but I'll comment more generally here.

Even a very tired person can still have and enjoy gentle sex. I work long hours, but in many years there have only be a couple of times I was too tired to want sex. Sure there were times when I didn't want anything too energetic, but still would have enjoyed something.

Sex needs to be a balanced 2-way endeavor. If he has a fantasy of ejaculating on you in your sleep, and you don't mind - the fine. If you have a fantasy of suddenly straddling his face until he makes you orgasm - thats fine too. Sex doesn't need to be mutual every single time: a BJ for his pleasure, whatever you like for yours - nothing wrong with giving a sex "gift" to your SO. The problem is when all the gifts are one sided. When on person is always doing what the other wants.

Unfortunately in a relationship where one person wants a lot more sex than the other, this is bound to happen. The one who wants more sex is willing to do anything to get it (even if they aren't satisfied in return), the other can get away with asking for anything. These relationships continue because the person who wants more sex feels they are being in some way unreasonable - that leaving due to a bad sex life is wrong, and the other person has not reason to want things to change.

These stories make me so depressed. Here is a wonderful woman who is happy to do just about anything for her man and just wants him to reciprocate. Other posts we have men who would do anything for their women. Why can't these people get together. Why can't there be a relationship with two people who are each doing their best to please the other?

**WildChild** · 05-07-2010 07:42 AM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Unfortunately in a relationship where one person wants a lot more sex than the other, this is bound to happen. The one who wants more sex is willing to do anything to get it (even if they aren't satisfied in return), the other can get away with asking for anything. These relationships continue because the person who wants more sex feels they are being in some way unreasonable - that leaving due to a bad sex life is wrong, and the other person has not reason to want things to change.

Sigh
You hit the nail on the head.

**pretzel** · 05-07-2010 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Sigh
You hit the nail on the head.

with a sledge hammer

**stressed** · 05-07-2010 04:03 PM

Originally Posted by Mes_T

I have a suggestion. Let's try to come up with exactly what needs to be said to your guy to have him really understand where you are coming from. I understand people get defensive sometimes when talking about any issues with sex. But I think if the right words are chosen (direct yet not accusing, throwing in some compliments here and there), he will have a better chance of hearing you.

Yep, but it's hard to find the right words that will stick in his mind. Whenever it takes over a week or two for him to do something to me (poor, weekly sex aside) I tell him something, or suggest something, or explain what I want. Then he understands, agrees, says he doesn't do it as often, that he'd like to a lot, that it's his job interfering with his wishes. Either on the same day or the day after such a discussion he does make an effort. But he forgets the discussion a week later and goes back to doing nothing.

This is frustrating because on the one hand he shows he understands and makes the effort AFTER I have brought it up, but on the other hand he forgets everything if I won't bring it up and turn it into an issue. If he would not understand at all, it would have been easier. But he does, yet only does something if I remind him about it. How can that be possible? Selective understanding or understanding only when he sees I'm unhappy? When I tell him that this makes me feel as if I pressure him into doing it he says it's not true, that he wants to but doesn't have the time, that I see things that are not there, that I'm overreacting because that's how I am, that I look for problems when they don't exist, that it's my southern temperament.

Originally Posted by Texasred

OK, I know you think it's not funny. But his falling asleep was just a sign he was REALLY tired, not any kind of reflection on you, maybe more an indication he was a bit inconsiderate to have wanted sex when he wasn't in any kind of shape to reciprocate.

Well, he didn't even want sex, just a massage and oral. Sex on a weekday?! Who does that??? Definitely not people who have a job!

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Even a very tired person can still have and enjoy gentle sex. I work long hours, but in many years there have only be a couple of times I was too tired to want sex. Sure there were times when I didn't want anything too energetic, but still would have enjoyed something.

I've been as tired as not being able to keep my eyes open, yet I went on with doing what he wanted me to do. I've been dead tired too but he would ask anyway. I don't mind making an extra effort even if I'm dead tired. But, hey, his views are that it's easier to use his hand on himself to ejaculate than do anything else, either on me or have sex. Oral or a massage from me are only an extra he enjoys. I just wish I knew what exactly he thinks, when he knows it's a problem for me. Does he really think I should shut up and wait for the weekend and it doesn't concern him at all, or does he just hope that I'm understanding and will make it anyway? Because he has shown signs of both.

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Unfortunately in a relationship where one person wants a lot more sex than the other, this is bound to happen. The one who wants more sex is willing to do anything to get it (even if they aren't satisfied in return), the other can get away with asking for anything. These relationships continue because the person who wants more sex feels they are being in some way unreasonable - that leaving due to a bad sex life is wrong, and the other person has not reason to want things to change.

That's very true. I don't think it's wrong to leave because of bad sex, but it's not easy to do so. I do understand his job is awful and it wouldn't have bothered me as much if he wasn't asking for something almost every day. It's the fact that he asks, has a sex drive, but doesn't give back as much as I do. If he was just generally tired every day and could not have sex during the week, then I'd just blame the job. But when he behaves like he does then I somewhat have to blame him too. No matter how tired he is, when he gets oral several times a week and I get mine once or twice a year, then something is not right.

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Why can't these people get together. Why can't there be a relationship with two people who are each doing their best to please the other?

Maybe because sex takes a lot of time before it's explored in a relationship. You cannot know right away whether you are compatible or not, even if you have talked about it for hours. It's something you have to wait and see. My fiance used to brag so much about how much he wanted sex, how good he was, that he probably thinks about it more than I do, how women get bored if sex doesn't variate, so why would I think he lied for? I thought we were on the same level. Maybe he didn't lie but it didn't go like he thought it would for him.