Thread: Am I being ridiculous?

No fae, no tomatoes You make very great points. And before I had a problem in my relationship with porn I never cared about it. I enjoyed it too... am crazy open with my sexuality and seeing my boyfriend watched, while it made me feel a little insecure at first glance wasn't something I'd be bothered enough by to bring up... its a guy thing, blah blah let it go.

But when it started to become an issue of porn VS me (with porn leading the scoreboard) on what got his sexual energy, it put a terrible bad taste in my mouth toward it. Once I started getting so much more attention (after he toned down the porn) you'd think I'd be easy going about seeing it pop up again from time to time... but no. All I can do is think of when it ruled the roost and worry about it going back to that again.

Its obvious that you haven't yet (and hopefully won't) encounter such a situation, its the women that have that generally are so concerned about their S.O's porn habits. I wish I could have the same optimistic outlook I use to have toward it, the one you have... but my experiences have clouded that for me and I don't know when I'd feel better about it.

Well, I totally understand, Hopeless Dork! :-)
You're right, I haven't had that experience of being replaced for porn, and I hope that I never do! But I understand why you would be against porn or anxious about it, because of your past experience with your SO. I would be too, if it were me in the same situation. :-(
I do understand that porn can be a problem for some, I'm not excluding that by any means. Like I've said before, I once knew a married couple where the wife rarely had sex with her husband (maybe once a month, if he was lucky), but she enjoyed her porn daily! Meanwhile the husband was suffering and trying to cheat outside of the marriage, hitting on every female that moved, including myself... this is why I opted out of the "friendship" with them both, as he couldn't seem to control himself and that left me VERY uncomfortable! But it was also so very sad, horrible, and SELFISH... It's not right for a partner to enjoy their time with porn alone, leaving their SO wanting and unfulfilled all the time or MOST of the time... AND expect him or her to stay in the relationship or to stay monogamous. I'm a highly monogamous person, but even I can see that as a trap and not a real relationship for a person! :-(

But, like I said before... Porn is NOT for everyone! I really do believe that. :-)
With all things enjoyable in life, porn has that same rule... all good things in moderation! Some people can use porn responsibly, some can't. The ones who can't, should stay clear of it, imho. And the ones who can enjoy it, from time to time, should enjoy it. It is normal when it's not treated as an permanent substitute for a real and living breathing person! It is a VERY bad problem if a person chooses porn over a real partner, one that they can see, touch, smell, and taste. I don't disagree with that! :-o

But, in the OP question... it doesn't seem like her boyfriend doesn't have that issue. From what she described, he sounds like a very typical guy to me. :-)

He lies to avoid a fight and she brings it on because of an accusatory (parental?) tone. I found out that my wife was masturbating several times a week and was hurt that she preferred that to being with me, but after a while it began to arouse me that she had this secret so I made a game out of discovering evidence. I kept track of all the times I found out and realized that her frequency was about the same as mine. I kept this to myself for a long time until one time she walked in on me and saw the whole act. She got very upset and 'hurt', but over time a good dialog developed. I told her that virtually everyone masturbates and that I knew she did too; it was just a normal part of human physiology. I told her I had been using porn since I found my dad's T&A magazines when I was 10 and that I knew about her "Romance" (i.e., sex) novels that she kept in her nightstand. Both men and women seek something for arousal, the methods are just different.
If he is avoiding sex, I doubt it is because of porn unless you surprise him immediately after. Even at well over 40, I can easily masturbate and have great sex in the same day.