Sex Drive

**BlondieBlunt** · 05-13-2010 06:41 AM

Hi i have been having a low sex drive for years and now and then it causes a big argument with my husband and I . it's not that i dont do it, its that i don't get horney and initiate sex with him. he says that he is the one to always initiate it and he thinks i don't find him as attractive as he does me because of this. I was gonna try viagra and see if this might help, but i havent yet. i mean when we have sex i soo get hot and into it , but not prior to it. if he hints that he wants it ,well i get ready and give it but he wants me to want it like he does. HELP!!! it's ruining my marriage.

**Malek** · 05-13-2010 09:46 AM

Without knowing your age it is hard to tell if it applies to you, around midlife a woman's sex drive noticably drops off, for a couple reasons.

First is that the natural boost to your sex drive around ovulation no longer occurs because you stop ovulating.

The second is that the female body uses both Estrogen and small amounts of Testosterone to create sexual desire. At midlife both of these horomones either slow down or completely stop being produced.

As to what can be done to increase a woman's sex drive back up, there is no guaranteed way. There are a variety of emotional/physical problems that can cause a drop in sex drive, and fixing these can boost it back up. Some people recommend reintroducing estrogen and testosterone into the body, although the FDA still has not approved this. Some people are getting drugs like Estratest(a combination estrogen and testosterone used to treat some symptoms of menopause) off label to increase their sex drive. If you are otherwise physically and emotionally healthy, this may be something worth trying.

**LanaBear** · 05-13-2010 09:54 AM

Start initiating it. Trust me, I know it is better said than done (been there, done that). Make a mental note to start initiating it once a week, no matter how you feel about having sex, no matter what doubts you have about it, start doing it. I doubt Viagra will help, so I wouldn't try it. It sounds like you get into it when you do have it, so slowly start putting forth more of an effort to let him know that you do find him attractive. Once you get over the hump of never initiating, hopefully it will be smooth sailing.

It's a mental issue, it really is. If you change your mentality of it (and yes, it does take some work), you'll start enjoying all aspects of it more and more.

**TroubledMan** · 05-13-2010 10:03 AM

My wife is having the same issue with low sex drive, and it just turns into arguments. I try to explain that I don't just want sex, but an intimate experience. I want to connect with her again in that way. I have been the initiator for about 5 years now, and sex is very rare at this point. I'm bored, but can't ignore my needs and desires. I'm starting to look at other women a lot more now, and it scares me.

**Fallen1** · 05-13-2010 10:05 AM

Originally Posted by Malek

Without knowing your age it is hard to tell if it applies to you, around midlife a woman's sex drive noticably drops off, for a couple reasons.

First is that the natural boost to your sex drive around ovulation no longer occurs because you stop ovulating.

That depends on what you call midlife. There are women that still ovulate and have their cycles long into their 50s.

There are plenty of women on this board in their 30s and 40s that have a high sex drive - even some of them have already gone through menopause.

Her issue could be attributed to many things. Birth control pills are notorious for killing a sex drive.

**TroubledMan** · 05-13-2010 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by Fallen1

That depends on what you call midlife. There are women that still ovulate and have their cycles long into their 50s.

There are plenty of women on this board in their 30s and 40s that have a high sex drive - even some of them have already gone through menopause.

Her issue could be attributed to many things. Birth control pills are notorious for killing a sex drive.

Actually, there isn't any conclusive scientific evidence that BC lowers sex drive. The results of tests vary by huge percentages. It is a psychological problem no doubt, but I feel like many women write off their low sex drive problems to BC, and call it a day. That leaves many men like me with no answers, and even more frustration. Just because the woman has no desire, doesn't mean the man can just deal.

**Fallen1** · 05-13-2010 10:18 AM

Originally Posted by TroubledMan

Actually, there isn't any conclusive scientific evidence that BC lowers sex drive. The results of tests vary by huge percentages. It is a psychological problem no doubt, but I feel like many women write off their low sex drive problems to BC, and call it a day. That leaves many men like me with no answers, and even more frustration. Just because the woman has no desire, doesn't mean the man can just deal.

There may not be any scientific evidence available but there are many many many women who are on it who will swear by it.

I am truly sorry for your situation. I hope we here can give you some input that may be beneficial to you. Also do a search on the threads here. We have many regular male members in the same boat as you and some that have even made progress with it.

Also take a look here at the large number of threads from women that have partners with low sex drives. It's not just men who suffer with such frustrations.

**Malek** · 05-13-2010 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by Fallen1

There may not be any scientific evidence available but there are many many many women who are on it who will swear by it.

I am truly sorry for your situation. I hope we here can give you some input that may be beneficial to you. Also do a search on the threads here. We have many regular male members in the same boat as you and some that have even made progress with it.

Also take a look here at the large number of thread from women that have partners with low sex drives. It's not just men who suffer with such frustrations.

Yes, quite. I found out that some of my allergy medicines of all things were causing both a lowered sex drive and ED for me, which was frustrating for both my wife and I. Luckily after ceasing taking some of those medications my sex drive is returning and the ED is going away.

**Fallen1** · 05-13-2010 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by Malek

Yes, quite. I found out that some of my allergy medicines of all things were causing both a lowered sex drive and ED for me, which was frustrating for both my wife and I. Luckily after ceasing taking some of those medications my sex drive is returning and the ED is going away.

Great !!! Glad you are having a positive turn in your situation. I hope it continues.

It's interesting that you found allergy medication was a hindrance for you. I never would have thought that would be something to interfere.