Touching yourself in your sleep = "Gay"?!

**stressed** · 05-13-2010 02:41 PM

Well, today my SO woke me up because he was rocking the bed in his sleep. He was masturbating but not to the point of ejaculation, as he stopped after a while and continued snoring. Needless to say, I wasn't extremely happy about it, for one reason or another (long story - not much sex going on etc.-).

I told him about later in the day (perfectly calmly, and as if it was totally fine - happens to everyone attitude), after asking him what he dreamt this morning, and also jokingly said "you can do that, but don't wake me up (buddy)!". To that he said "I don't remember my dreams at all. Did I really do that?" (laughing and feeling embarrassed about it). "It's so gay!" (i.e. to masturbate in your sleep).

I didn't know what to say to that, as it caught me by surprise, and I did want to ask why he thought it was gay, but I was worried that my voice would sound more serious than it should and would make him defensive), so all I said after a few seconds was "well, it's not gay, it would be gay if you spoke out male names" and he laughed to that, but we didn't continue the conversation.

"Gay"? Why? I don't get that! I thought he'd just joke about it or something, but not call it gay.

**KMonte85** · 05-13-2010 02:46 PM

Does he use the word "gay" in a way in a slang way? Like not meaning "that's so homosexual," but more along the lines of "well that's stupid/silly/weird/unfortunate/dumb/etc"

I know plenty of people (mostly men, but some women, and I've caught myself saying it too before) who use the term "gay" as an adjective, but not meaning homosexual, more meaning "stupid" or "weird" or "silly".. its derogatory, but it is how many people use the term now - google URBAN DICTIONARY and look up the definition of "gay" - it will explain probably better than I can how the term used in slang can mean more than "homosexual"

**Fallen1** · 05-13-2010 02:48 PM

I was thinking the same thing Kmonte.

**stressed** · 05-13-2010 02:54 PM

Not really, he always implies some form of homosexuality when he uses the word "gay". He has a homosexual relative in his family, so he's rather careful with his use of the word... English is not his native language as well (although he's very good at slang, but doesn't use the word 'gay' often, unless he means it).

Interesting idea though.

**LanaBear** · 05-13-2010 02:55 PM

I agree with KMonte, I use it in the same context, always always have.

**Fallen1** · 05-13-2010 03:03 PM

If he was meaning gay as in a homosexual way, I wonder why he would think masturbating in your sleep is gay and when you're awake it's not. What would be the difference?

**stressed** · 05-13-2010 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by Fallen1

If he was meaning gay as in a homosexual way, I wonder why he would think masturbating in your sleep is gay and when you're awake it's not. What would be the difference?

Exactly...

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-13-2010 04:51 PM

I would think he meant gay as 'lame' or 'silly' or 'stupid' not as in gay in the way of sexuality... as the logic wouldn't fit since he's okay with waking masturbation and doesn't see it as gay.

Masturbation during sleep is an odd behavior... is this the first time its ever happened? Usually people don't have the dexterity to grip something while they are asleep I would imagine. Like how when you dream you are running it feels like you are pushing against the wind... like you are actually trying to move your arms in your sleep and cant... i'd be less suprised if he were just humping the bed, pillow or blanket but actually stroking while snoring is a new one for me.

Is he a sleep walker or do other things like that while in a sleep state?

**stressed** · 05-13-2010 05:05 PM

If he meant 'gay' in that sense, even though I understand the reasoning behind it, then it was the first time ever he's done so in the 4+ years I've known him (and I am good at noticing how people use words, as it's something I've studied and it interests me a lot as a subject).

Maybe he got an erection in his sleep (common) and his body reacted to it, but I'm no expert on the subject. He did ask if he was humping the bed, but I told him he was jerking off instead and hard enough to wake me up from it. Maybe he felt I woke up and stopped, or his body reacted to my movement and he stopped. But he was sleeping and not awake, he wouldn't fake anything. Also, his reaction to what I told him was genuine.

In a sleep state he does tend to place his hand down there for a while and then bring it back up, but doing what he did was a first. Other than that, nope, no sleep walking or anything...

**rcoreyus** · 05-16-2010 01:37 AM

Hmm. Maybe just a word, but maybe he DID remember what he was dreaming about.

Masturbating itself isn't gay (unless you want to label about 95% of the human race as "gay") - its not a connection that most men would make.