Birth Control + Sex Drive

**infinityends** · 05-15-2010 11:22 PM

To start, I am really hoping that someone here will be able to help, I know its not anything that is my fault or anything, but being a guy this sort of thing is kind of a punch to self-esteem as well as that it takes a toll on the relationship to a certain extent and that bothers me as well.

now straight to the point, my fiancee has been on the pill for about a year and a half now. while she started taking the pill only a couple of months after we became sexually active, that was still long enough for me to see a major change. the largest problem and if there is any solution that would fix this, I am dying to know, she was always able to orgasm from penetration.

I have no problems making her orgasm via clitoral stimulation and obviously its a stronger orgasm than she ever had from penetration, but it takes something away when your partner doesnt get anything for real physical enjoyment out of the actual act of sex, esp when she used to be able to have multiple orgasms just from sex.

and the other, related problem is that Im sure partially due to the above issue, her sex drive has dropped a lot and while she wont say it to my face because she doesnt want to hurt me, I know that most of the time we are only having sex because she knows I want to, and she doesnt have much for real interest in it.

I know this got a little long, and I am sorry about that, but if someone knows of any herbal pills that work, we have tried a couple different ones, and so far, she has been able to get wetter much easier not that it was rally a problem before, but its about the only change we have noticed, so if anyone knows of anything at all that might help I would appreciate it

**Little** · 05-16-2010 06:25 AM

We don't allow any advertising on this site, so anyone suggesting pills may be banned.
Birth control can be like poison for the body. It's not uncommon that it decreases desire, along with a host of other undesirable symptoms.
Does she have to take it for some reason? There are medical conditions that are often treated with hormonal BC. If she does need it, she might try switching brands or formulas. If she doesn't have to take it, you should explore non-hormonal methods of birth control ... condoms, spermicide, non-hormonal IUD, etc.
By asking about herbal pills, you're basically saying "This junk I'm asking my girlfriend to put in her body is making her sex level go down. What other junk could I ask her to put in her body to fix it?" That doesn't seem right to you, does it? Just popping pills down her throat? Most people don't think about that much, but really it's the woman who gets a raw deal on conception control and sex drive, while the man gets away scot-free (unless he has a vasectomy, even then there are no hormones messing with his system.)
It's good that you care about her and your interaction, just think about the consequences that any other pills may have. You should never mix any unauthorized pills with prescription pills without asking the doctor in any case.

**infinityends** · 05-16-2010 07:45 AM

well, I dont know why I just got chewed out by an admin there, im not advertising I am asking for help before this does serious damage to my relationship, and I have said for years that women got the short end of the genetic stick because of all the things you have to put uup with so being made to feel like I am treating her poorly by asking about this is offencive.

but yes we know that there are alternatives to the pill, the main reason she is using them is because its the most effective method, condoms break, other options have their problems too, the reason I asked about herbal pills is that I found some that are like $120 for a 1 month supply and were made specifically to be taken with BC and incease sex drive and sensitivity, but thats kind of a steep price, I am looking for any suggestions to help, any kind of bc that is better at not killing sex drive? only issue with that is also that her medical insurance only covers generics, altho most brands have a generic as well

**WildChild** · 05-16-2010 08:08 AM

Infinity, when ever someone posts a query asking, does anyway know of product for blank, the thread usually attracts a ton of spam. Little is warning them off. We ban for that but do get tired of having delete so much of it.

There are many forms of conception control other than the pill that are quite effective if used properly. We hear over and over here from women who's sex drive has been tanked by "the pill". The two of you should visit Planned Parenthood and see what options they have to offer. A diaphram combines a barrier and spermicide without the worry of breakage that condoms have, An IUD (NON hormonal) provides longterm, no thought or action protection without messing a woman's body up. Just as with the pill, correct use is the critical factor with all methods.

Little is right, adding more chemicals (herbs are indeed chemicals and some are every bit as dangerous as pharma products) to your lovers body is not a good solution for her health and well being.

**Little** · 05-16-2010 08:11 AM

I didn't chew you out. I informed you of our policies and warned anybody who might respond to your post. If you don't like the policy, too bad so sad. It's here to stay.

Condoms do break, just as birth control pills fail to stop ovulation. Each method has its failures, actually in perfect-use situations, condoms and the pill only have about a 1% difference in efficacy.
Every pill is going to affect every woman differently. The best thing she can do is, the next time she sees her gyno (or health clinic,) explain to them the problem and ask about her options with another pill and a different formula. Many, though not all, pills do have a generic form. She may want to try the local health clinic or Planned Parenthood if she is currently seeing a regular doctor, they may be able to help her with the insurance payments. Not all pills have a generic (though with some of them, it may only be a matter of time) and the pills that is best for her may be one of those without.
What pill is she currently on? Is it monophasic or triphasic? What kind of hormones are in it?

**infinityends** · 05-16-2010 10:22 AM

the label on the pack says Lutera
.1mg levonorgestrel and .2mg ethinyl estradiol

the only real issue she has had with these is that her cramps (which is half of why she wanted to go on the pill) havent gotten better, and the obvious sex drive issue, but hasnt felt sick from them or gotten acne or anything like that, that can sometimes happen

**NO_MORE_PMDD** · 05-16-2010 10:30 AM

I personally think the BCP is poison. There are other methods available - they may require more thought and self control, but if I knew back then what I know now I would not have taken the BCP for 20 years.

**infinityends** · 05-16-2010 10:49 AM

so I didnt realize because I had only heard of the Mirena and from the commercial it sounded like you could only get it if you had already had a child, so I didnt realize that IUD is even an option.

Does health insurance cover IUD costs at all?, not that I wouldnt be fine with paying the cost on our own if we need to as an alternative to the pill because about 600 is not all that expensive. esp since we are just starting out we werent planning to try for a baby for at least 2 years so monthly cost is about 25ish.

I just read a full page on different information, as well as the paragard page, anything I should know that isnt typically mentioned by the manufacturer? sounds like a lot of women have had good things to say about it other than the discomfort of the initial insertion

thanks

**Little** · 05-16-2010 11:50 AM

It depends on your insurance, and Mirena isn't the IUD we're talking about - it has hormones and would probably have the same effect. There are IUDs without any hormones in them - those would be the options you would want to pursue.
The problem with implanting an IUD on a woman who has NOT had a child yet is that it's difficult. You would want to look for a doctor who has a lot of experience doing it.
Search on this forum for all the problems with Mirena vs other IUDs. Generally, the horror stories are going to get more air time, but having something stay in your body for up to 5 years is big business. Research, research, research ... and have her do research too.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 05-16-2010 12:34 PM

Have you considered a vasectomy? I mean, at least researching into it. From everything I understand it is an outpatient procedure, quick, easy and reversible.

I can tell you as someone who basically put her foot down after 10 years of hormonal BC, and said "if I have to choose, no sex or the pill, I'll choose no sex". Of course it doesn't have to be that drastic, but you get my point.

Think about it, you're right, condoms break, but you could wear a condom and also pull out to increase the effectiveness??

You'll find some women who have had great experiences with IUD's, and other non hormonal devices implanted into the cervix. But did you really soak in what I just said, IMPLANTED INTO THE CERVIX? Yikes. Would you want something implanted into one of your testicles? No way. You'll then find some women who have had horrible experiences with IUD's. Lots of cramping, lots of bleeding, etc.

There are options such as a cervical cap she could talk to her doctor about. Do a little research on that.

I guess what I'm saying is, seriously, start thinking about ways YOU can help to take care of the BC issue without her having to pump her body with artificial hormones. Truly, if they make her feel bad and she's having negative side effects, she'll end up eventually being very resentful. Consider your options, and encourage her to get off anything hormonal and look at non hormonal options. Let her know that her health and feeling good are more important than your sex life. It's ALOT of pressure on us ladies.