Thread: Mind & Body disconnected

Hi All,

I'm new to this forum, but I joined because I couldn't find any similar stories to the one I've got.

Sexually, I feel very much like my mind and body are disconnected, and even my body doesn't seem to be all on the same page on any given day either. Here's a typical case (actually several combined for explanatory purposes):

New boyfriend and I are alone for the first time and sex seems imminent. I haven't decided I'm up for it and all the teasing gets me wet and throbbing (body is all on board, but mind is a little out of it).

I say no and go home only to spend the next few days thinking about the act nearly constantly -- sending shudders through my body, but not producing any noticeable affects downstairs (mind is on, body way out).

So then I'm all hot and bothered and leave work early to go home and masturbate. Now I'm hot and wet downstairs, but my clitoris seems to be on vacation -- no orgasm. Alternatively, it could be that my clitoris is ready to go and I peak and finish so quickly that I'm dry as desert even when I'm done. (body can't make up it's mind if it's on or not)

So I'm just wondering if any other women out there are finding a disconnect between all of their parts and how they deal with it. I've read about some women training themselves to respond to different kinds of stimulation and that seems like a good idea. Personally I'm just frustrated because it's hard to communicate to boys what I want when my own body doesn't seem to be cooperating -- and boys get so confused when you tell them different stories on different days!

Thanks!

Stress can be an important factor to consider as well as our past sexual experiences. Note what mind set and physical/emotional conditions you're in prior to, while and after you masturbate.

How old are you? Without orgasm in mind, would you really consider having sex with your new bf? Emotional readiness could play an important role in making you get to where you want to go.

Once you have made up your mind whether or not you are going to do it, in most cases, all will fall into place. While you are anticipating, try reading WC's must-reads, The Orgasm Loop. It is a good one for this area.

hi caterpillar

i'm 26. the new boyfriend is just an example compiled to make a point. i've had similar experiences after watching movies or even with my past boyfriends. i don't think stress is an issue or even orgasm pressure -- how would that explain getting off nearly instantly and finding myself dry and otherwise unaroused immediately after? it's just disconnected.

and what's "WC's must-reads, The Orgasm Loop" i saw it in another post, but no link?

It is a book. We don't provide links to other websites here. You should check it out in your neighborhood bookstore or maybe google it. Amazon also sells it.

I understand the disconnect you are saying. I have had that too, and it took one special man (who is now my husband) to break the barriers.

For me, it has a lot to do with my upbringing - was made to believe that masturbation is a sin; emotional - I have to "get started" and going prior to the act (my love languages); past sexual experiences - I was abused (this turned me into a log, became literally numb and incoherent); stress - it's everyday no matter how much I deny it.

To make you feel better, I still could not get off by myself, I only end up so sore.