Lover doesn't make me orgasm

**city_ifa** · 05-26-2010 10:53 PM

I have been meeting my boyfriend for about three years, and about a year ago it started into 'dating'. We started getting physical about six months ago. Due to workload, we only ever meet on Friday evenings and Sunday afternoon-evenings. I work hard/try hard to make the experience the best I can for him - spending whatever time it takes to give him as many orgasms as I can, and it's always a minimum of two. I massage, use my hands and mouth and tongue, use oils - anything.
During these six months my lover has yet to take me to orgasm; five or ten minutes of effort and it's 'I'm tired'.
Is this usual? Am I failing in my 'training' of my man? Neither of us are stunning, but also, neither of us are 'uglies'.
Comments, suggestions welcome.

**LanaBear** · 05-26-2010 10:55 PM

Can you bring yourself to orgasm?

Why not try guiding him or let him watch you bring yourself pleasure? Talk, communicate, direct him.

**jns** · 05-26-2010 11:02 PM

Unfortunately, he sounds too typical. He has to step up. I'm sure he can use his hands for more than ten minutes without too much strain. Is he doing only oral?

**grrrr** · 05-26-2010 11:05 PM

Sometimes if you take a step back and focus on yourself and not so much on him you'll get there! It's "your" experience too!

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-26-2010 11:09 PM

I have the same question as lana, do you orgasm through masturbation? If so... why not incorporate masturbation into your sex with your boyfriend. Either before or during so he can get a vivid idea of what it takes to get you there.

If you need more clitoral stimulation, guide him to that, if you need more gspot pressure, tell him you're not going to break if he rubs a bit harder

its all about communication and letting him know both verbally and with visual cues... how to pleasure your body.

Women are all different in what it takes to get us off so even a guy that thinks he knows everything there is to know about making a woman come has to pretty much re-learn it all with the next girl and the next...

The important thing is his willingness to TRY to learn how to make you feel good. If he's tired after 10 minutes... is he getting you even close in those 10 minutes or is he just wasting (both of your) time?

Is he in an awkard position while attempting to pleasure you? What body parts is he exercising during the act that tire him,,, surely you can show him a few tricks that would make whatever he is doing less strenuous.

**maverick** · 05-27-2010 08:05 AM

Yes, you may be failing in the training of your man. He sounds a little selfisn, if he is only devoting 5-10 minutes trying to get you off, but in all fairness to him, if he has been throught the wringer twice, he is probably fully satiated losing interest in sex at that point.

Assuming that you can orgasm through masturbation or have orgasmed with other partners, set 1 new simple rule for your next lovemaking session: "Girl comes first." It's not unusual for women to require much more stimulation (a.k.a. foreplay) than men to reach orgasm. By concentrating on you first, he will be highly motivated and not likely to get tired after so short a period of time.

**LilahX** · 05-27-2010 09:36 PM

Sorry to say but you have yourself a selfish one. Out for his own pleasure and minimal interest in yours. If he really cared about your satisfaction (as any lover should) then it wouldn't matter how long it takes to get you there.

I am upfront about being 'hard work' in that unless the guy is a total expert (and I've met a few

) I can take a very long time to climax. With guys who've truly cared for me they have been willing to do what it takes, for as long as it takes, to achieve the result. Yes, I've felt guilty b/c I know it can be tiring (on tongue or fingers) to just keep repeating the motions for what must seem like an eternity, but they love getting the eventual result.

From my perspective and experience this is totally his problem, that he is the one with the lack of expertise. I know from personal experience that there are women who will virtually orgasm at the drop of a hat (either vaginal or clitoral) but we're all built differently. Perhaps your guy hasn't had to work for it before and either is just lazy and selfish or thinks if a woman doesn't pop out an orgasm in a few minutes then there is something wrong with her and it's not worth the effort.

If your relationship is one where you can have open and honest communication, talk to him about this inequity, that you desersve as much 'effort' as it takes. A relationship, whether emotional and/or physical should ALWAYS be equal.

**BigDaddy** · 05-27-2010 09:51 PM

Simple rule and this is coming from a man........

9 times out of 10 when having sex the woman should be completely satisfied before the man even thinks about having an orgasm himself. It's part of the fun of giving pleasure, not just receiving it

**Princess414** · 05-28-2010 08:00 AM

Originally Posted by BigDaddy

Simple rule and this is coming from a man........

9 times out of 10 when having sex the woman should be completely satisfied before the man even thinks about having an orgasm himself. It's part of the fun of giving pleasure, not just receiving it

Well done, in my personal experience I've only had two guys not try and get me off before him. And they were both incredibly selfish so that's why it didn't go anywhere. Most men I've spoken to about this like watching a woman's face as she orgasms, turns them on to a point of distraction.

**jns** · 05-29-2010 01:15 AM

Princess, the expression on a woman's face as she orgasms is priceless. It is one of the reasons I suggest that guys get good with their hands, so they can observe their woman's expressions as she goes through climax. It can be addictive and is a good incentive to get her to orgasm multiple times.