Torn between two men, sex is deciding factor??

**Jezah** · 05-28-2010 01:10 PM

I am dating, and I have two great guys in my life. One is sweet, caring and affectionate, but I dont enjoy sex with him or making out. He is too rough with me, rubbing my clit like its a scratch and sniff and biting my nipples like chew toys. The other guy is a typical bad boy, hes a lead singer in a very popular rock band(privacy reasons I cant say the name)and everygirls wet dream. He is gorgeous, and so good in bed it makes me weak in the knees thinking of it. However he is pompous alot of the time and not very nice. He has sweet moments and I love him alot. I am so torn because if my first man was good in bed I know I would leave my rockstar for him....but he isnt. Anyone here have experience re-training a guy to be good in bed??? I mean he has the raw materials to be incredible if you get what I mean.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-28-2010 01:16 PM

I think if the first guy is sweet and caring... it will be possible for you to tell him what you like and have him treat you accordingly. An affectionate lover that listens to what you like will always be better than an arrogant one in the long run.

Have you told him that you want him to touch you softer? If you've explained yourself CLEARLY... in words and he ignores them -- he might not be as caring as you hope he is. But if you haven't explained what feels good and doesn't... its likely he just isn't all that experienced and won't know til you tell him.

**PJhavinfunagain** · 05-28-2010 01:18 PM

I would work on the 1st guy, sounds like he doesn't know better. Does he know he is hurting you? Open communication is Key. IF you really like each other and are comfortable together it sounds like he has the potential to be amazing.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-28-2010 09:51 PM

The way I see it, dating is just exactly that, you are trying to find your "match'...

Sounds to me that the rockstar is a player, will be a player and your fears will always be..

The other guy, you have to ascertain if he shows you affection, compatability outside the bedroom and has good traits that you like, because as other's have stated, you can guide a person sexually, but you still need all the other ingredients, maybe he's just trying to hard.

CW

**Texasred** · 05-29-2010 10:02 PM

You can teach a nice guy how to be a better lover;
you cannot teach someone who is not nice, to be nice.
- TR

**Ahryin** · 05-30-2010 01:16 AM

To often women confuse good sex with a good relationship. Good sex is just that....good sex. Take a step back to think where did he learn all those tricks to make him such a master at bedroom play. How many women has he gone through to get to that level. Now the good guy on the other hand is obviously inexperienced which honestly could be a good thing....because you can mold him into your personal pleasure pleaser

All it takes is patience...moaning...some good "yes right there" comments and encouragement. He will learn the lesson all you have to do is teach

**LilahX** · 06-01-2010 12:54 AM

Originally Posted by Ahryin

Take a step back to think where did he learn all those tricks to make him such a master at bedroom play. How many women has he gone through to get to that level.

This is very true. In itself, having had a lot of women I don’t feel necessarily makes him a bad guy, but it would be an influence on how ‘commitment ready’ he may or may not be. Would he be willing to have sex with just one woman for the rest of his life?

If you have thoughts of trying to find a long-term relationship with either of these, it's painfully obvious that Rockstar is not a candidate. Great sex is a wonderful thing, but it doesn't make up for being made to feel bad b/c someone doesn't treat you right. Eventually that will lead to you resenting him and not even wanting that sex. Forget him. You can get good sex from a good guy.

As for 'training' an average lover to become a good one, I'm not sure that's either possible, or something that can be achieved in any short length of time. I honestly believe a large part of it is to do with the sort of person he is, how his mind works about sex, whether he's a passionate person in general (not just about sex), how tuned in you he is to your his and that of yours. How would he feel about being 'trained'? It would take a lot of talking, guiding etc. Would his ego stand up to that? It’s not somehting you could do without him knowing you were doing it. If by 'raw material' you are referring to his 'endowment', that has little to do with his potential to be a good lover.

If you are honestly in love with this guy and have good, honest communication between you then it would be worth the effort, otherwise I'd put the time and effort it will take to MAYBE get him to be any good into finding someone who meets all your needs without any need for improvement.

**Mes T** · 06-01-2010 01:11 AM

Originally Posted by Ahryin

Take a step back to think where did he learn all those tricks to make him such a master at bedroom play. How many women has he gone through to get to that level.

I'd have to disagree with that... Only because, from personal experience, I've found that I've learned WAY more about sex from one long term partner than I have from all the rest (flings, short term relationships, one night-ish stands) put together.

I think especially for a man, it's one thing to pick up a girl and pound into her for a little bit, and a whole different story altogether for that same guy to commit to one girl and through her start to learn about the female body.

**stressed** · 06-01-2010 01:37 AM

A different point of view: I don't see why the fact the second guy is a rockstar should be considered as something important for your relationship. So what? He just has sex with many girls (just because he can) and he's probably good at it because that's what he does every day. Maybe the first guy has been single for a while and needs time to adjust in a relationship, or he just tries to hard, like CW said. What does he do for a living?

Also, you don't have to choose either of the two, you might find one who is both good in bed and a nice guy. Then again, you might not. A lot depends on luck.

It's not easy to find nice guys in our days, but it's very easy to find 'rockstars' and irresponsible 'bad boys'. If you want a short affair, or a relationship where your guy is very likely to cheat on you, go for the rockstar. If you want a nice guy who needs a little bit of work in bed, take the first guy. If neither is 'enough' then keep looking.

**Joey** · 06-01-2010 06:15 AM

I agree with the comments above about the first guy you described. If hes lovely, cute and treats you right etc etc, then communication about your sex life shouldnt be too much of a problem. he sounds like the type of guy who would respect and act on your desires for what you want, rather then to continue to make you feel like your just his 'sex toy' so to speak. I doubt that he means to make you feel like that, or to even hurt you when having sex - its just about communication. And also, like said above, you cant turn a bad boy nice. you cant turn anyone nice lets be honest - the only way they can change is if they want too.

Whatever you decide to do, you need to make a decision as in my opinion, stringing these guys along is wrong.