Thread: What to do?

Originally Posted by clueless&confused

Hi
I have been looking for something like this for a while. Last night my partner jacked off and Im ok with that its the fact he waited till I went to bed and still has not told me. When I went for my run this morning I got in he was in the bathroom, changed his boxers and quickly snuck them to the laundry with a damp washer...
He said he cant have sex with me as it hurts him, so I understand jacking off as he can control how hard or soft he dose it, but to keep it from me is it wrong to feel hurt, I tryed to ask in way not to lead on that I know what he did but he got defensive and changed the subject....why hide it from me? I have been understanding and willing to wait (its been 9 mths) and yet he is keeping this from me. I feel hurt as I dont know what Im doing wrong - im not sml and I was a size 12 but with my medication I have put on a bit more weight, he likes sml girls so I'm trying in that section to fix myself.
IS IT ME? I dont know what to believe....HELP

Firstly I am saddened the extent I again have now been forced to again with the thread starter, my now ex partner as of last night, by having to respond here but I see no other opportunity to deal with Davina's mental health directly as I have supported for the last 5 months since being admitted to RPA hospital, Sydney, AU since Jan for depression.

When I met Davina (26) last year when I was staying in a upmarket hostel in Syd I got on great with her she like most Aussies liked my wacky humour and direct honesty (I am a Scotsman ) I had no interest in a relationship after fleeing violence in my previous relationship in early 2006, I have spent minimal time in the UK since.

Due to mainly undiagnosed auto immune and spinal osteo arthritis (both diagnosed in early may) I was sick and I'll most of the time and I hid this from no-one as it effected my ability to socialise when at my worst. I percivere to socialise as poss when I can due to getting i'll for 2-3 months at a time.
A few weeks later I joined Davina for 2 nights away as friends at her friends house (later to be her deceased grandmothers house, not that the lie was ever admitted-more on that later...). On this night Davina knowing I had been on several different visa's offered to marry me for a AU partner visa, shocked I niether declined or agreed, just said thanks for the offer as I felt it highly inappropriate, moreso from a person who follows her bible, I don't as my catholic gran taught me respect based on but not her religion.

I had left the UK and 8 years after several misdiagnoses, and biopsy refusals sought attention, after 8 years and 6 of them a massive self asteem blow I got over when I was about 29 after spending close to year in AU I excepted my fate that my sex life was over. In May 2009 further changes were drastically occuring, I was told I had LS and the further colour changes were LS. Misdiagnosed over years meant I was high risk of male cancers and 2 further specialists refused biopsy.

I after knowing Davina 2 months got myself refered to the

Royal Melbourne Hospital, I spoke to Davina as my friend near daily at the start of moving to Mel Victoria.

Error after error with failed biopsy and lost biopsy tests and a Urologist talking to me like I was a child almost 10 years my younger (blaming me for not seeking medical attenion earlier even when I explained I approched my GP 2-3 years into puberty at circa 14 years old, who did not even check the discoloration on foreskin, plethra or shaft & reassured me such skin was not unusual on different penises. I took that as gospal and was reassured as a very embarrased teenager.

At 23 having suffered (now known) spinal injuries my undiagnosed auto immunity started making my foreskin change again, 3 appointments over 9 months and creams made no difference at the sexual health clinic but during that period the changes stopped but no treatment helped, depression kicked in big time as I was already depressed from my ex who's temper would end up in me being violently attacked and as a man I got no assistance from police but treated as a perpitrator, me being the male. For over a year at this period I did not reattend sexual health clinic, only when I was living in England did I get treatment, further treatment at sexual health clinics in Europe I was on a endless list of creams, Tebrifine and the like tablets - nothing, this went on for over 5 years, the signs never got worse but nothing cleared it up.

Sydney late 2006 I excepted my fate, I had tried everything...I was fuked and like my ex I excepted the past, embraced the past, the pain, the anxiety etc etc and moved on with my life - I took control of what I could and accepted what I couldn't. I had
little sex between LS, spinal problems and leg injury I found it sore and impossible to
have a sex life at 23, 6 years later I embraced such and stopped it horifically disturbing my mental health - I tried everything to no avail. I accepted fate and moved forward after 6 years of anxiety, depression and panic attacks. 6 years of life lost...throughout the whole process in AU I spoke to every guy I could about the lessons I learnt and told them in any circumstances fuk embarrasment and go get your out.

10 years later I need to get biopsy every 6 months. Sex is impossible, masterbation is a slow thing that can take upto 2 hours, and at the best of times even after 45 mins somtimes but in most circumstances it hurts my back, leg or penis, actually climaxing is mostly a dissppointment that makes me feel inferior not superior, pre 2001 my sex life was a minimum 3 times a day, that was 10 years ago, 4 years ago I stopped tr
letting it make me feel less a man - I'm not. Perhaps that's what Davina hopes to achieve - to make me feel inferior, for her to have control because Davina can't even control her consious lies.

Why am I telling you ladies all this ? Davina is getting treatment for bipolar and is under assessment for borderline personality disorder.

To come here and lie feeds her fantasy world, Davina already knows everything you
just read. But you reassuring her adds the fuel to fire. Someone always has to agree with Davina in her head or better external to reinforce her beliefs.

Davina seen me come out the bathroom with a flannel an dirty boxer shorts, now ask her were they soiled with sperm. I changed my boxers wiped down the sweat rash I had between my bumcheeks with anti-bactrial handwash, walked to the laundry then returned to brush my teeth.

Davina has seen me naked, I change boxers in front of her if she is there, I willingly showed her last Dec the vitiligo on my shaft while I was going through all the hospital stuff.