sex is causing problems. :(

**tiensou** · 06-03-2010 05:19 PM

I've been with my lovely, very supportive boyfriend for a year now, and in the last two months have started taking Cerazette, a POP, to allow us to be a bit more spontanious in the bedroom.

Before I started taking it, we were very adventurous and both satisfied each other.
Since starting Cerazette, I've had problems with breakthrough bleeding, and although my boyfriend was fine with (and encouraged) sex on my period before, he now complains and we haven't had sex in nearly a month (and the last time was a disaster). Having said this, some days I don't bleed at all, and it is always very very light.

Recently, we have had alot of oppurtunities to have fun nights in, but no matter what I try an instigate, he gives me a pained look and just says "it's easier not to". Needless to say, he's been on the receiving end of alot of oral, and I feel rather hard done by, and I have had NO intimate contact from him to me in a month.

However, today, minutes after being refused sex AGAIN, we were laying in bed watching youtube, when he turned on a pornsite. We've watched porn together before, and had alot of fun with it, but at the time I was feeling very sensitive about it as I feel it's my fault we haven't been able to be intimate. I stormed off. He later told me he "put it on so we could mess around and have some fun" meaning so that he could have some fun.

I used to love giving head to him, but now I'm feeling unsexy, harddone by and a bit frumpy.
I had the idea today that I would not give him any sexual pleasure until I got some, but is this wrong?
Should I stop taking the contraceptive? (I've been considering changing it)
I tried explaining this to him today, but he started crying and asking me not to leave him. Unfortunatly, I never get to explain my end of deals like this because he always cries and asks me not to leave. My high libido and his unwillingness is really causing problems in our relationship and I'm not sure how to handle it

How do I tell him tactfully I really miss contact with him? I've tried instigating things physcially more times that I care to count. Please help!

**Mes T** · 06-03-2010 05:30 PM

If you're having that much breakthrough bleeding, there's no reason not to change to a different brand - that might solve all your problems. So go, go, go!

As for explaining to him in terms he'll understand that you need more intimacy? Based on similar threads here I'm lead to believe that something like that is a dead end, but I hope some other posters will reply to your question.

**sourpuss** · 06-03-2010 05:32 PM

You need to just have a really open conversation telling him exactly what you just said here. Don't allow him to cry and change the subject. Tell him how being turned down makes you feel, tell him how lack of contact makes you feel. Approach everything from the point of view of how you feel, don't allow him to make it more than it is, like a take it or leave it situation and cry. Just be matter of fact about the situation. He needs to know how it's affecting your self esteem and it's unbalanced the way it is right now so it needs to change.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-03-2010 05:52 PM

In another thread you mentioned him cumming on your face, that it was demeaning but worth it, because your doing something loving for your boyfriend.

Here, you are mentioning that during porn, you go down on him and he gets satisfied.

I am wondering if he is "taking advantage" of your generosity and is lazy and un-willing to think like you are thinking, "to please" it seems to be one sided dont you think?

I don't think it has anything to do with the pill, rather he prefers to receive, watch, help himself and has no consideration for you, you've tried to talk to him but all he does is cry and state "don't leave me"...

So, apart from sex, does he do things just for you? Hold you, cuddle you, for no reason?

Also I want to say to you, nothing should feel demeaning. You don't have to prove your love through sex to a man, sex should be something both of you bond over and enjoy together.

CW

**tiensou** · 06-03-2010 06:11 PM

Thank you everyone for the quick and mature advice

CW, yes, he is often quite attentive and good to me, which is why it confuses me so much when he is really unwilling in the bedroom.
It dissapointing to think that perhaps he has little consideration for me in that sense, and recently we've gone through some rocky times when it seems like I'm making all the effort. I'd love to be able to sit down and talk to him, but it really hurts making him cry and he can talk absoloutly no sense when he gets worked up, and all arguments end up with me comforting him. I have no idea how to either spark things in the bedroom again or to start talking properly (sorry, going offtopic a little)

Although, as a general conclusion, I think I'll switch brands of pill - if get's better, then he hasn't got the bleeding excuse to fall back on.

**Texasred** · 06-04-2010 10:00 PM

Originally Posted by tiensou

... I'd love to be able to sit down and talk to him, but it really hurts making him cry and he can talk absoloutly no sense when he gets worked up, and all arguments end up with me comforting him.

Can you see that he's manipulating you by crying, in order to avoid talking about things?
Next time he starts crying, tell him to grow up!
And that you'll talk to him as soon as he wants to behave like an adult, but not before.

Then stick to it.