Yes it is a two way street.Originally Posted by LilahX
Why is it that it seems that most people that see no problem with porn or who watch it themselves believe it is the partner that is against it that should give in?
While your statement is true so is the opposite, the partner that watches should take the time to understand the one that doesn't approve.
There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.
This gets into why the disapproval? If it's a moral or religious issue, that should have been discussed and understood before the relationship moved that far. Beyond that comes the question, what is prompting the disapproval? I used to be quite neutral on the subject, now I'm leaning more and more strongly against porn because I've had to deal with a man who prefers it and his hand to actual interaction, it's part of intimacy avoidence. We do not learn, grow and develop in positive ways by isolating ourselves from positve interaction with others. If someone claims to love another and care for them, why would they do something that cause them emotional pain and draws their love and attention from them?
What I have found is men that talk a big game sexually, they are into it, they want to explore and try thing and they love sex. NOT. What they want is to wank off to porn, they don't want to do anything more involved than that. I think it's a combination of things, part of it may be insecurity, a fear that with a real woman they won't be able to perform. So the woman get an occasional quickie, always the same, gets turned down and shut out, while he lives his sexual fantasy entirely in his head.
This serves no one really. He gets off, she may well take off, then he'll b e P'd off and go jerk off some more. In the meantime her self esteem and sexual confidence have been damaged and she'll have to deal with that before she can feel sexually open in another relationship.
It' BS that porn teaches you anything really. They are actors and what they do has little to do with how real women and men interact and respond. It may titillate but learning some real skills in arousal both in and out of the sexual arena will ultimately serve both better.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
So true. The last clip of porn I watched long ago I ended up laughing and thinking "are you serious" and turning it off. I probably didn't see a full minute of it. The woman in the clip was so out there with her reactions it was ridiculous - it was obviously a put on and over done at that. I began to think do men really think women will react like this?
I'm wondering how the next generation will fare when it comes to relationships and sex. They are growing up and being "taught" about sex by watching this unrealistic mess and it's what they'll expect it to be like and won't know a darn thing about the real thing.
Last edited by Fallen1; 06-09-2010 at 09:21 AM. Reason: Spelling
There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.
I agree Fallen, I'm multi orgasmic but most porn just leaves me shaking head, thinking yeah, right.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
I guess many people like porn for the fantasy aspect of it, but I prefer to be turned on by realism, so porn videos typically get me laughing and giggling. At least with pictures you can use your imagination more and the lack of realism isn't highlighted quite as much. But all in all, I'd still rather look at something involving a true 'girl next door,' some amateur model that's showing off her B cups, stretchmarks and blemishes, and a bush, than nip-tucked, airbrushed barbie dolls. At least whenever I'm single...
As for the educational value of porn.. I think I've said this before, but using porn to learn about sex is like studying at McDonald's to become a master chef. You might learn something about the general concept, but the quality will suffer terribly and nobody can argue that it's very healthy.
thanks
You made me cry too!
I'm going through this with a third boyfriend right now. It didn't destroy the other relationships but it it started the demise. They couldn't see that they were needing more and more and something (someone) different again and again. How and why I with drew was beyond them. They were to into their needs to deep to see or care about mine. I still didn't have a strong opinion about porn until this current boyfriend got addicted enough that he was spending $50-70 a month on it. I didn't know anything was going on other than fact when he came home from working out of town all week, that on weekends the sex became rare and suffered terribly. This went on for 6-7 months. What hurts most is he knew he was doing this without me knowing and letting me beat myself up over his lack of interest, putting me deeper an deeper into depression. I couldn't do anything to get his interest so I was giving up. My self esteem is at an all time low. Even now, a month after he says he's stopped. Sex is still very selfish on his part most of the time. I think I will show my current boyfriend your post. Maybe ... it might be to late ... the contempt has already built and the walls are getting higher. He expects me to just be over it.
For the most part porn teaches a very selfish, malecentric attitude toward sex. There is no fun, no playfulness, no foreplay, no romance, no build up of desire. It's pretty much whip it out, shove it in her mouth, shove it in her vagina, maybe throw in some anal or more oral (often times oral or vaginal sex following anal), it's doesn't set very good expectations/ But then when he only wants the real thing once every couple of weeks or less, guess it doesn't matter much.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
I totally agree with you. ive never seen Porn as a useful 'tool' or guide in any relationship. Like you mention, there is no romance in there at all - just the expectations of an instant screaming orgasm. It paints a fake idea of 'real life' sex - which i sometimes fear that guys who like and rely on porn will find incredibly dissapointing. (that may just be from my expereinces - I cant bend my legs in the style of porn stars for the life of me!)
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - Chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming WOO-HOO what a ride!!"
"I dream about being with you forever." - Twilight
Porn is like looking at pictures of food in a magizine. No thought to what goes into proper preparation, it's all based on image not substance, it doesn't let you taste or experience the real thing and you just throw it away when you're bored with it. If you treat your SO the same way you may end up in the "garbage can".
Ha!! love this!
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - Chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming WOO-HOO what a ride!!"
"I dream about being with you forever." - Twilight
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