Thread: Accidentally found his porn stash

Ok, so I was looking on the bf's computer for some pics he took on a vacation to add to my facebook. I stumbled across his porn - hundreds of pics, mostly vanilla stuff, which is fine. I know men use porn, no big deal. My problem is that I found around 10 pictures of one of my friends, just saved from her facebook profile. They weren't nude or anything, but why the would he save those in his porn file? He also had several pictures of his ex from 3 years ago in her underwear. It totally creeps me out that he has pictures of his ex on his comp as we have been dating for 2 years. I don't know how to talk to him about this since I technically was snooping through his pics. What would you do in this situation?

Well... I wouldn't bring him around your friend anymore *shrug*. What a jerk, seriously. But nothing would surprise me anymore I suppose. He would have no reason to save pics of your friend for his porn file for anything that you would consider positive If you bring it up to him, he'll get mad at you for snooping, he'll tell you its no big deal, all guys do it... get over it. And you either will or you won't. Or better yet. He'll deny putting them there, claim his computer does weird stuff and saves just picture sets of random people from facebook to his pornfile and it is purely coindental that it was your friend then he'll be upset at you for not buying into his lies, "what, you don't trust me?". Win, win, there.

He'll say 'at least I'm not cheating on you with her (or anyone) and that should be good enough for you, lady! Bleah, don't envy your discomfort right now, been there, felt that.

I'd say you should speak with him about it. I have snooped around on my bf phone/computer (note- I am a firm believer that when snooping results in finding dirt, the snooping is the lesser of the 2 evils) and I have found things, and I have ALWAYS asked/told him about the things I find, and we have a discussion. Now as for what you found.... The pic of his ex after you all have been in a relationship for 2 years need to go. My bf was tagged in pic w/ his ex on fb and after we had been together for a year or so I told him he needs to untag those, and he had pics on his comp, and guess what... those are gone. Now the pics of your friend.... those also need to go, and there should be a conversation just to check out the level of his "attraction" and make sure there is no funny business going on. I wouldn't make accusations, but just say something like.. 'you obviously think she is attractive (which by the way in no means is it rare for a man (or a woman for that matter) to think his gf/wife has "hot" friends, but secretly saving pics of a friend is, in my opinion, unacceptable) what do you like about her? Make sure you let him know that you do not think it is okay for him to have pic of her or any other "real life" woman - as opposed to a porn store, or celebrity. Make it a learning experience for the both of you. You should know what your man likes and this convo will help you learn a bit about that AND make him aware of things you think are unacceptable.

If you think he will get defensive when you tell him your were snooping I can't tell you how to handle that because my bf and I have really good communication so he is usually receptive to anything I bring up. But just make sure you aren't "blaming" take responsibility for your actions and make it about you. Let him know how you found the pics (while looking for something totally innocent), that you don't really have a problem w/ him enjoying a little porn...(that is if you really don't have a problem) then let him know how seeing that he still has pics of his ex makes you feel about your relationship w/ him and go into the discussion about the pics of your friend....

Hope this helps, let us know how it goes, take care Love.

I found my boyfriends porn stash by accident aswell. He told me to get something from his draw on the right, I went to the left by accident and WA-LA! porn magazines ahoy! Hes 32 and im 24 -so part of me felt a little bit like hmmm...arnt you a bit too old for these? but i was also somewhat amused that in the wodge of copies there were some dating back as far as 1996-1997. That made me chuckle a little bit. ha!

I was on his computer not so long ago, and obviiusly when you type in a web page at the top, sometimes it shows you other sites that have been accssed with the beginning letter etc etc... so again, i accidently stumbled upon some sites that he had been using. whenever these sites show up, theres always a part of me that really resents it (even tho i occasionalyy watch porn) so i try and use the mentaility of 'you do it so he can'...even tho it still bothers me. I did find a page he had visited that was of a girl doing random sexual stuff. I felt that him watching porn, or looking at this solitory girl performing sex acts on herself, i would much prefer him watching the porn. to me, this was incredibly intimate, as he would be basically masterbating over the girl, not over the sex in pornos. that upset me, and it secretly still does.

If i ever found a secret porno file on his computer that had pictures of my mates in - i would be livid. I would definitly have to question him about it, regarldess whether he thought i was snooping or not. It would just be eating me away inside, and if i didnt approach him about it, i would probably just blurt it out at him in a rage.

I have never had the porno talk with my boyfriend. He doesnt tell me he does it, he didnt tell me about his porn magazines, and he didnt tell me about the stuff he visited on the website. Not knowing he did this kind of stuff was fine as I never even thought about it. But obviously stumbling upon it starts making me think a lot about us and porn, and thats what i dont like.

I wouldnt be too bothered about pictures in underwear of an ex. It is probably a trophy he cant chuck away or he may masterbate over it, but beleive me it's not love he's feeling (the masterbation equiverlent of a spite (edit)
The piccy of you friend is a bit odd, fortunately I have never really fancied any of my GFs friends of my friends GFs. I am sure it happens but acting on it (even in this minor way) is a bit odd.

I wouldnt worry about watching solo porn (girls alone). Men can find a hairy man thrashing about on top of an 'actress' a little off putting.

Originally Posted by Futureboy

I wouldnt be too bothered about pictures in underwear of an ex. It is probably a trophy he cant chuck away or he may masterbate over it, but beleive me it's not love he's feeling (the masterbation equiverlent of a spite edit

Why do guys ALWAYS say this??? It doesn't MATTER! We don't get hurt feelings thinking you LOVE your porn okay. LOL. Ugh. Lots of guys say the same JUNK. "I am not emotinally attached to it" Well woopty dang doo. I can bang the mail man and not be emotionally attached to him , will that make it hurt any less? Nah, probably not.

Guys, truly, when you say... "but i don't LOVE the girls I am masturbating to... I only love you" you do realize that we weren't upset in the first place over thinking you were in love with porn. We realize its just a sexual feeling you have for it, and that hurts as much as if you were sitting there writing love poems to the image or sending flowers to the website ceo (that wouldn't hurt btw, that would just be creepy :\).

HD

I am only giving my opinion, there is no need to take it out on me.

I have enough problems of my own.

So sorry for you feeling I was taking anything out on you. I wasn't. I was simply stating my opinion to the porn default response of "i don't love it" isn't comforting. All of my words were directed into the air.... not you.

Accepted. I am quite sensitive at the mo