Thread: Getting 'Turned On'

Hi,

I'm only 23 but having problems getting turned on. I've been with my boyfriend for years now and I feel very safe with him and love him very much.

When we actually have sex I really enjoy it and there aren't many problems there (except I haven't had an orgasm ) but I think this is linked to me getting turned on.

I find it so difficult to feel in the mood for sex. I know work pressures etc factor into this but I never used to have a problem. My boyfriend is very understanding and is trying to help me but I just need some tips on how to 'let go' and get turned on so that sex becomes a more frequent thing!!

Does anyone have any suggestions?
Cheers in advance

Toys and oils are a great way to get things heated up. If your b/f gave you a sexy massage with some tasty oils...would that help? How about some candles and nature sounds cd's playing? There are some inexpensive toys out there, those can help with having orgasms.

Well, for a women to orgasm, both partners play a role.
First thing a guy should know, is the women has to be comfortable. If your stressed or worried about stuff, that can ruin the whole mood

Has there ever been anything that turned you on? Maybe a picture, fantasy, whatever.... If so, try to incorporate that into foreplay, etc.

If he isn't your only [sexual] partner, and it was different (better) with others, perhaps its just him.

I've found that mental state is the entire key to getting turned on--more so than atmosphere, what I'm wearing, what he's wearing, what toys or oils we have, anything. True, those things can enhance my mindset, but they can never, as a stand-alone, put me in the mood, and often I can be in the mood without them.

I have to completely forget about any stress at the moment--things I have to do, things I'm worried about, anything. I have absolutely no hope of enjoying sex or feeling turned on if I'm thinking about something else.

When I know that me and my husband may be able to have sex that evening, I'll spend some time daydreaming, thinking about him, thinking about 'contexts' that turn me on--whether it's a fantasy for us, or a memory of us together. By the time I get home I'm ready to pounce on him.

Last, I find that my sex drive is highly tied to my montly cycle, and rather than fight that, I just try to roll with it--try to take advantage of it whenver you feel an inclination towards being turned on.

I do the same as tabbycat, kind of fantasize while the hubby isnt around. I even watch porn by myself sometimes and with him. Its fun to watch and it works for us. You might not be into that though.

I find that the Wife always has bigger and longer orgasms when she is ovulating. This is also the only time she attacks me. I look forward to those 2 days a month every month!

Well I sure am not 23 but I doubt that I have ever ventured, at least in the last three years, into our passion pit without feeling that the hottest, sexiest, dirtiest, horniest, dirty talking, bold, man hungry, good looking, over sexed, who*e around, was climbing into bed with him.......Then I let her loose..... Doesn't even shock him anymore.....We both just smile a whole lot....

Originally Posted by SarahK1

Hi Lillie,
I completely understand, I've had the same problem and so do many other women. How is your confidence level in bed? Are you able to let loose, or do you think about how well you're doing and if you're pleasing your partner? If you find that's an issue, (I did), I honestly would try sex toys. You can try out different things with them and see what makes you orgasm, and then transition that into the bedroom. Also, many women need manual stimulation by their man to really orgasm, so ask your guy to do a little of that. For sex toys, try Rabbit vibrators (the ones from Sex and The City), they're awesome.

Just looked and Lillie is no longer around...This post was done March 31, 2007.... Somebody dug it up....