Thread: He's not willing so what should i do??

Hi,
Well here's the thing, I've been with my boyfriend for just over 6 months now, but hes been my best friend for like ever, and we've still done nothing and its starting to bug me. I mean we're both young and im completely inexperienced whereas he's rather experienced and well i'm not exactly the sort of person to put myself out there and make the first move whereas he always has been, but this time he's been completely different.
I mean on the weekend i finally thought something was going to happen and i really wanted it to, which is rather unlike me because well im just not like that at all, but it didn't. He actually did go to finger me but suddenly just well pulled his hand away. At the time i presumed it was because the buttons on my trousers popped and he was worried his brother would hear and well maybe realise something because he was only next door and the pop was much louder than i would've thought but later on we were talking and he just randomly came out and said sorry and at first i didnt have a clue what he was on about until he went on to explain that he'd pulled away because he suddenly thought that he shouldn't do it and he felt really bad about it.
He then explained that he was really scared that if we did start to do things like that that our relationship might be messed up, because thats what happened with his previous relationship, and he really didnt want that to happen as he loves me too much to risk losing me. ( obviously alot more was said but that was the general idea).
Well this really took me aback because its just so unlike him and i really didnt expect it so i spent a while thinking about what he'd said and later tried to talk to him about it but he got very defensive and well moody and said "omg i thought we'd already discussed this" . So i took that as a " i dont want to talk about it" and left it at that, but the thing is i dont know how to take this. I mean i really do feel ready for us to start doing things but i cant when he feels like this so i really dont know whether to just leave it for a bit or just well make the first move and see what happens.
Any ideas??


Sorry for me babbling on abit

Take this as a compliment. My guess is that he feels uneasy about "spoiling you" by touching you intimately.(yes, men can feel this way sometimes) or, he's not ready yet. Besides it's quite a step from being good friends to sexual partners . I assume you are of consenting age??? . If you'd like him to touch you, and you are the required age try this move;
Next time he comes over, take a shower and put on just a dressing gown or loose night gown but nothing else. While you're sitting on the bed/floor talking "accidentally" let the bottom open up, or sit cross-legged, and gently introduce him to the area you'd like him to touch. Keep chatting away and acting naturally and just let him get used to seeing that area of you until he's relaxed about it. (young guys can get quite nervous looking at girl's intimate parts for the frist time) He will make a move sooner or later, but don't worry if it's not that first night. Repeat again another night (but not every night)until he takes the bait! Believe me, he will want to touch you! In this way you are showing him that your body is open to him without being tarty or too forward- you just simply forgot your pants in his eyes!! You'll find soon that he'll be asking you if you're going to take a shower!!!

Yeah what you've said seems to make sense to me and yes we are of consenting age, i think i'll try that move of yours, its actually really good the last bit about the shower made me laugh, i have to say you've put my mind to ease quite a lot, thank you

Glad to be of help. I have a daughter as well. What you need to do is let him get used to the area between your legs first visually, as he's young. Don't do it so that it's obvious, but just let him have a look "accidentally" and then he'll not be so nervous about putting his hand there. Anyway, isn't this better, him seeing it naturally, than groping around underneath your jeans? I guarantee if you do this he will get aroused. Also showering first will make you feel nice and fresh and confident if anything happens. Best of luck

Yeah i suppose your really right there, i mean i like that idea much better than him groping around under my jeans if im honest. Thank you so much

have a nice time. x

Obviously, I hope you don't mind me sounding like your Dad, please be careful if you go all the way. Please, whatever pressure any boy puts you under, don't do anything that you don't want to, or that might get you pregnant. Remember, what he needs may be different from what he wants. What he needs is that you lovingly relieve him regularly by hand or whatever. Some boys will say that they don't want to use a condom as they get no feeling. Don't accept that. There is less sensation in your penis when you are wearing one, but there is still sensation. Treat yourself with respect and any nice boy will do the same to you. x

Of course I don't mind you sounding like my Dad, I'm just glad to be getting some guidance. I'm definitely going to be careful if it does go that far, there is no way I'm going to let him not use a condom, I really don't want the risk of getting pregnant or anything else. I'm pretty sure he'd want to use one though, I know he's had three occasions in the past where his ex thought she was pregnant and that really scared him, he'd come to me and be an absolute mess not knowing what to do so I'm pretty sure he won't want to risk going through that again. And yes I'm definitely going to treat myself with respect and I'm hoping he'll always treat me with respect too x x

Your relationship with him sounds good. If your intimate relationship is as good as your friendship is/was then you're on to a winner. He obviously trusted you a lot to tell you his troubles. I know from experience that young guys can find it difficult to trust people to talk to.It's a solid foundation for a very good relationship. If you want any other guidance don't be afraid to ask x