Is this normal behaviour?

**LizzyBrighton1985** · 06-10-2010 04:55 PM

I recently had sex with somebody and he was really aggressive with me. I have had agressive sex before but this felt different.
He called me names, choked me and even slapped me round the face,
I was left feeling really upset about it, though the sex was consensual I felt quite troubled by this experience
He was really sweet and lovely between sex but was distant after and the sex didn't feel at all intimate with little eye contact
Could this be a deep rooted issue he has? I was left quite confused by it all :-(

**WildChild** · 06-10-2010 05:17 PM

It's all a matter of what you are into. Not for me at all. I'd say goodbye forever.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-10-2010 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by LizzyBrighton1985

I recently had sex with somebody and he was really aggressive with me. I have had agressive sex before but this felt different.
He called me names, choked me and even slapped me round the face,
I was left feeling really upset about it, though the sex was consensual I felt quite troubled by this experience
He was really sweet and lovely between sex but was distant after and the sex didn't feel at all intimate with little eye contact
Could this be a deep rooted issue he has? I was left quite confused by it all :-(

Was this the long distance guy? Have to ask

Firstly, some people do like that type of sex, a sense of "fear" but there is usually also the "sweet" before and after. You got the distance after, and "choking" is not a good thing unless the person knows exactly what they are doing and there is a safe word to stop". I wouldn't be doing this with a stranger ever.

I think he "hates/uses" women. Personally.

Be careful Lizzy.

I also read where you were in love once, 6 years ago and still hold a candle. Sounds as if you are just mozing on in life...

Take time out and give only when your given too, you deserve love as well, not just awkwardness of these types of encounters.

CW

**rcoreyus** · 06-10-2010 05:30 PM

While some people like this sort of thing, most don't. If you don't enjoy it, since he obviously does, this is not a good relationship for you. If you indicated that you didn't enjoy it while it was happening, and he continued, that you need to leave immediately.

There are a lot of people into BDSM or rough sex - but there should ALWAYS be an understanding with your partner before you do this sort of thing.

**samanthatallon** · 06-10-2010 05:38 PM

I am sorry you had such a bad expierience with this guy!
First of all if its bothering you, you should speak to someone your close with, or someone you can trust as things like this unkown sometimes have a habit of popping up and upsetting you. It takes ones little nasty expierience to be scarred for life, and believe me i know.
Secondly the sex may have been agreed on both terms, but i am sure you didnt know you signing up for this? and you feel violated and upset.
He may be a lovely guy, but the agression in the bedroom may also span to other areas, so be careful.
He was your partner so im taking it he would have known you did not like it?
If he did then just get rid no matter how sweet he may be there is no excuse for what he has done, sorry just my opinion on it, he has hurt you clearly and i wish i could hug you lol

These expierences are never nice, but learn from it, and with time i hope you can heal.xxxx
stay in touch. xx

**LizzyBrighton1985** · 06-10-2010 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Was this the long distance guy? Have to ask

Firstly, some people do like that type of sex, a sense of "fear" but there is usually also the "sweet" before and after. You got the distance after, and "choking" is not a good thing unless the person knows exactly what they are doing and there is a safe word to stop". I wouldn't be doing this with a stranger ever.

I think he "hates/uses" women. Personally.

Be careful Lizzy.

I also read where you were in love once, 6 years ago and still hold a candle. Sounds as if you are just mozing on in life...

Take time out and give only when your given too, you deserve love as well, not just awkwardness of these types of encounters.

CW

Yeah it was the long distance guy, maybe this is why I feel so confused by it all, it seemed like masogonist behaviour...

**LizzyBrighton1985** · 06-10-2010 05:45 PM

Originally Posted by samanthatallon

I am sorry you had such a bad expierience with this guy!
First of all if its bothering you, you should speak to someone your close with, or someone you can trust as things like this unkown sometimes have a habit of popping up and upsetting you. It takes ones little nasty expierience to be scarred for life, and believe me i know.
Secondly the sex may have been agreed on both terms, but i am sure you didnt know you signing up for this? and you feel violated and upset.
He may be a lovely guy, but the agression in the bedroom may also span to other areas, so be careful.
He was your partner so im taking it he would have known you did not like it?
If he did then just get rid no matter how sweet he may be there is no excuse for what he has done, sorry just my opinion on it, he has hurt you clearly and i wish i could hug you lol

These expierences are never nice, but learn from it, and with time i hope you can heal.xxxx
stay in touch. xx

Thank you, I am not seeing him anymore but I certainly feel damaged by the experience, and yes definitely violated, I kind of went along with it to please him and now I feel I had sex with him when I didnt want to and allowed myself to be treated this way :-(

**samanthatallon** · 06-10-2010 06:01 PM

aw dont be sad, it will hurt for a while, and i still think you should speak to someone you can trust even your doctor is a good start, because i think what you went through was bordering on a very thin line, and the choking, well personally its bullying behaviour. Just be sure you did the right thing, you did nothing wrong, this guy was no good for your lovely little soul. I am not saying you shouldnt cry at all, lol sometimes is good to let it out. I do it for no reason, the sky is blue, theres a start. Look to the day with fresh perspectives, try and occupy your mind, de clutter and clean your house, revamp your wardrobe or just do something for charity that will make you feel a little better about yourself. But dont forget if it gets a little heavy on your shoulders, there are always people you can speak to. x

**sourpuss** · 06-10-2010 06:06 PM

If it made you uncomfortable, it's not normal for you. I agree with WC, say goodbye forever.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-10-2010 06:45 PM

Hun, this guy professes that he would make you his, talked to you on-going for 2 weeks, met, you had sex and this is what he called " making you his forever? " then told you sorry, changed my mind, can't handle long distance.

He has issues, for sure. He lured you via the internet, treated you like a.. yet, talked lovey dovey for two weeks.

You have to be very careful in future... That was dangerous in retrospect..

I think you have your closure after all on this guy..