Thread: Ladies I really need your help, please...

Hello juicyfruit. This is also a site where people take about marriage advice. Maybe he is even here?

For some reason it is much easier to talk to an anonymous stranger than to your own spouse. (That's what I'm doing here). I don't know why that is - maybe it is that anonymous rejection can be ignored, but rejection from your spouse is too painful.

Have you made it easy for him to tell you what he is really thinking? I know that I have a difficult time saying some personal things to my wife because she is so easily upset. Maybe if you can show him (it will take a while) that you wont' get upset, he will be more willing to talk.

Having "an open and frank discussion" with your SO isn't always the solution: I tried coming right and asking my wife why she didn't seem to want to have sex anymore, and the answer I got was not, shall we say, "constructive."
So I'm thinking I might have been better off if I could have talked to her anonymously, as juicyfruit did her SO.

Texased, you are right of course in some cases. I also got nothing but an upset reaction when I suggested the same to my spouse. I still think its worth a try at least once though.

Originally Posted by juicyfruit

I He has been turning me down but doesn't tell me why. We don't talk sex, he never wants to talk about are intimate stuff so I feel hurt. .

YOu do know that he's 'bored' and that's only natural after a few years (the famous '7 year itch' isn't a fallacy). It may be cliche, but may try spicing things up, subtley to start with. If you don't have any idea what his fantasies might be then experiment. See if lingerie gets a reaction, or leaving a sexy note in his lunch, or in his pocket, or wallet telling him how much yr looking forward to your next liaison. Make a dinner date and go 'commando' but don't tell him till yr sitting at the table. There are so many possibilities, I just hope he's responsive to one or more of them.

Sorry to say, but unless he IS willing to talk about things, this issue will never be resolved. There is no way to 'fix' anything unless you know what needs fixing but maybe you taking a lead can get a conversation started. Don't be judgemental or complaining. Ensure it's about the both of you, not just him. Don't let him fob you off with 'I don't want to talk about it'. Not talking is a recipe for eventual disaster.