Thread: BDSM and Anal Sex...total newbie to both.

So, I'm totally addicted to porn..that can be a good and bad thing, but I've recently become interested in being submissive to my boyfriend and trying out BDSM in the bedroom. I've watched tons of Sex and Submission flicks..and they turn me on like crazy. My boyfriend and I tried it once, but he just kept slapping me and that became annoying..it's so much more then that.

have any of you ever experimented with BDSM?

also, I want to try Anal sex for the first time with my boyfriend....but I have no idea how to prepare for it. I've heard do enemas, I've heard avoid enemas, I've heard avoid food for 24 hours before the act..so many things but I just don't know where to turn..Enemas sound promising though....so..I need tips on that too.

all of this I want to try and I just lost my virginity a few months ago.....wow.

As I mentioned earlier, a "safe word" is essential. Maybe "red" which means "STOP now, no more games". and "yellow" which means "don't do that particular thing, but continue playing in other ways". The TOP needs to be able to use the words too - they can get freaked out if you are begging and crying in play.

BDSM games can take all sorts of forms. Be careful using porn as a guide - those movies are done to look spectacular, but often a lot of things are faked and you need to be very careful tying people up.

Hope the following isn't too graphic. I haven't been able to engage in anything like this sort of play in many years, but I have a friend who is very much into this scene.

In any case, some ideas - setting the scene is probably a lot more important than exactly what you do.

He can give you a spanking to punish you for some imagined crime. He can use his hand, or a belt if you want it to be more severe. Maybe the punishment is for not being good to him sexually, and afterwards you need to give him a bj or whatever he wants.

You can play at a fantasy where he tries to force you to orgasm. (maybe you have been captured by the inquisition and that is how they decide if you are a witch). If he does make you orgasm, you will be punished (see above - or maybe "forced" into prostitution).

Of course there is always variants of "torture the prisoner to make them talk", "sex slave", and just simple play-rape.

Does he like playing the other way? You can tie him up and "use" him as you sex slave. The forced orgasm game above works both ways.

In terms of actual BDSM things to do: Stick with simply ways to tie people up - suspending someone is very dangerous - can cut off circulation and cause real injury. Spread eagled on the bed, with extra ropes to keep the knees apart gives a lot of access. Tied over a chair of piano bench works too. Then spanking, belts, hairbrush, lamp cord, wooden spoon - all good things to thwack someone with. Stick with the bottom, or only very lightly on the breasts.

Clothes pins on nipples (don't leave on too long) works on women and men. Some bite harder than others. He can carefully use a large dildo (or appropriately shaped vegetable) on you while you are tied up. Dripping wax from a candle (do NOT use beeswax -it burns badly) works. Ice cubes work.

If you want to spend $$, there are electro-sex units that produce interesting / painful sensations. TENS units or RIMBA are not insanely expensive and work. Never use above the waist - especially NOT on the breasts or nipples.

Anal sex should be tried carefully. Mess usually isn't a big problem even if you don't do any special cleaning first - but it is one of the risks you take. Avoiding food for 24 hours isn't worth it. Use LOTS of lube (and then some more). He should get you really aroused first and stop as soon as you ask him to. Some women really enjoy it - but if he is too quick it will be very painful - and NOT the fun kind of pain. Of course sauce for the goose is..... you can get a dildo and do him anally - same rules apply.

Have fun. Just communicate well so that you know that both of you are enjoying what is going on. If you find things you don't like, be sure that the top will stop immediately.

not graphic at all..those sound like great scenarios!!!
Thank you so much!

the main thing about bdsm play is that you do have a safe word as mentioned but also that you are BOTH comfortable with doing it.

as for anal sex, take it slow. i would advise the first few times you may want to just play around with finger and small plug insertions and see how that feels for you first. and yes, the key is lube lube and when you think ou have enough more lube. i find astroglide and O My brands work best. it can be a little messy with the lube, so maybe put a towel down. as for enemas, you can get do it yourself kits at most pharmacies.

and most importantly HAVE FUN!

Wonder if its worth starting a thread for role-play and /or BDSM scenarios?

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

BDSM games can take all sorts of forms. Be careful using porn as a guide - those movies are done to look spectacular, but often a lot of things are faked and you need to be very careful tying people up.

Totally agree with this. I feel that porn is a poor guide for whatever genre of sex you are into. One of my Ex's was into the whole experimenting BDSM. It doesnt do anything more to me then completly freak me out. ha! He wanted to try positions that in all seriousness could have probably done me serious damage!!

Seeing as your a so called BDSM virgin, i wouldnt go diving in the deep end straight away. I have heard from friends who do BDSM on a regular basis that you kind of need to build your body into it - missionary position straight into 'torture the prisoner' probably isnt the best way to go. :-)